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When was the last time you felt guilt about something, as in that emotional pit you noticeably feel in your stomach when you have done something wrong towards someone? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/asklemmy

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Ghosting someone (multiple really) when I just couldn't handle all the things they expect me to do. It's childish and very much my own mistake for not being clear with my boundary and overestimating my mental energy.

Slowly making it up one person to the next.

[–] moistclump 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Oooh I do this. How do you make it up to them? Without risking it all happening again?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Sorry for the late answer and the text wall

Depends on the severity and how much they know about my avoidance habit. I would say sorry (as genuine as I can) and told them about my problem (or most likely make up a believable one that neurotypical person can accept) that made me unable to respond to them in timely manner. That it is wholly a Me problem and not a You problem. I would try my best to complete what they ask of me or help them with something else just to keep it even. This vulnerability talk will exhaust your mental energy tbh, some people will definitely have negative reaction and rightfully so, especially in professional setting. Tho some bridges have been burnt so bad I don't even try 🫠 Still, it's very much worth it, rather than spiralling down to depression town, sinking in the guilty mud trap.
I too wish I have an answer for this one. If you have the means, try finding out the reason. Maybe it's ADHD, maybe it's AvPD, maybe it's both, neither, or something else. So far, applying CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) has helped me improve, but it's not a bulletproof solution. My avoidance mostly comes from my tendency to be a perfectionist (which comes from past experience, upbringing, yadda yadda), so I try to accept that sometimes it is okay to be flawed, to disappoint, to not try my best for someone else's sake just to get their approval. Try to have healthy habits that improve mood/health. I also try not to spend too much time inside all day without actual human interaction, because I can definitely get more anxious when I haven't interact with real people (actual interaction face-to-face, not text/chat with people online) to keep me grounded.

Just keep on keeping on one step at a time.