this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2024
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So I'm the only one having weird posthumanist body horror type feelings at the concept of being given an instruction manual for your artificial body parts, including the equivalent of a void warranty sticker?
Just me? Cool, cool. Quietly unlocking new phobias over here.
Not sure if this is always an issue or just during some recovery period but I can see how it would be important not to stress the fragile ligaments and other issues post op until the proper time.
Looked it up. Seems to be post op instructions about recovery restrictions
https://www.aoaortho.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/Hip-Replacement-Protocol.pdf
https://www.physio-pedia.com/Hip_Precautions
Yeah, the content itself makes perfect sense, I think what got me was the airplane security leaflet pictures. Makes it seem like you pulled your hip from a vaguely disappointing Amazon cardboard box along with a cheap gadget.
Once I understood the weakness of my flesh...
... I craved the strength and certainty of steel ...
... I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine ...
. . .
I hate this dystopia.
Hello, we are calling about your hip's extended warranty. Press 1 to be connected to a hipologist and remedy this issue. Press 2 to die. Ending this call will assume option 2. Option 1 is also option 2 but with a slightly longer buffer time. Too late, you are now dead. click
You're not cool enough, so you need a visit to the hipologist.
Hip-hip gunshot sounds
Shareholders: horray!
You’re so un-hip I’m surprised your bum doesn’t fall off
Fuck that, imma install Linux on my hip
Congratulations, you can now outpace Usain Bolt, but you'll need to open a terminal window to take a shit.
Deadman's switch activated after not receiving a signal for 6h. Hip will explode in 3, 2...
By the time you get to the point when this might become a certainty in your life, you will be so miserable those phobias will be a distant memory.
Source: seeing my dad suffer before his surgery