Ask Lemmy

My first threeway.

Holy shit, never, ever try and play with a bi/lesbian couple if you're a straight guy lol.

This was ages ago. Back in the eighties still, if only barely.

I met a girl. We became friends. She got flirty, and I returned it. Now, she was honest pretty early on, once we both realized there was some sexual energy there. She told me she was with someone, and that the someone was also a girl.

I figured that was it. End of story, right?

Nope, the girl is bi, though her partner wasn't exactly into non monogamy. But we were first, and was cool with it not going anywhere.

So, we hang out. Turns out her partner is pretty damn cool. Butch as hell, but not prone to the machismo you sometimes run into. Which, the partner ended up being trans, but back then that wasn't a thing in anyone's awareness. At the time, she was a butch lesbian.

Anyway, ignoring that, we all get along well, so I become their beard. When they needed a guy to "date" to keep their family off their backs, or whatever, I would step in. Went to prom with the partner even.

Turns out, we all got along well enough that the partner was willing to open things up and see if a guy in the bedroom could satisfy the bi girl, without bothering the partner. And, I was the one they both trusted. So, it happened.

I guess the easiest way to cover it is to say that there's only so many things you can do when one person out of the three simply can not handle contact with a penis, and is also not willing to have anyone go down on them. It meant there was always someone left out. I mean, we tried. But it amounted to taking turns, and the partner couldn't really handle watching.

We ended up trying what I've seen called a Roman chair, and that kinda worked okay, but it was so damn awkward with me and the partner kind of looking at each other as the bi girl was between us. Like, if we'd been able to touch each other, maybe the awkward would have been gone, but we tried kissing and it was a hard no for the partner, and not fun for me. Any kind of gentle shoulder touching was out too.

We could hug each other with clothes on, even give pecks on the cheek when we'd say goodbye after hanging out, but with the clothes off, neither of us was down for much in the way of contact. I would have been fine with casual touch, maybe some hugging, or even a high five lol. But I didn't want to grope him (fuck it, the dude transitioned, and trying to not call him him is annoying, even though this was ages ago), no matter how nice his tits and ass were. It just felt wrong to grope my buddy. And I had zero interest in his vag, which was still more interest than he had in it.

So me and him were just each in a hole (him via strap on) kind of wanting the whole thing to be over lol. The girl had some fun, but after I had to admit there was no way in hell I could come, she started feeling awkward too lol. Like, there I am in her ass, doing my best to stay hard so she can have this experience, and her partner is just going through the motions for the same reason, and once she realized that, she felt weird as hell.

Tbh, I've never liked threesomes. We tried a couple of other times, and it was better than that one, if only by virtue of knowing what was absolutely not worth trying. But even with other people over the years, they all end up disappointing unless it's two people taking care of one, without trying to mix things up.

But holy shit, that first one was just horrible lol. I've seen guys talk about the fantasy of being with that kind of couple, and I can't help but laugh. The chances of a lesbian being all chill with a guy in the situation are pretty damn low. And there's no such thing as good sex when one out of three people would rather it not be happening the way it is.

Which, gods damn, my buddy there tried so hard to do what he thought was right by his girlfriend. Later on, he tried to be open for some contact with me, even tried going down on me. Neither of us could handle that lol. I couldn't stay hard, and he couldn't do more than take in just the tip for a second. It was kinda hilarious after the fact. We still joke about it.

He couldn't handle either of us going down on him. We didn't have a word for it then, but the dysphoria was just too powerful. It wasn't about me being a guy, it was him being so out of connection with his genitals because they were the wrong genitals that any contact was just pure distress. Even hands were too much.

We only tried a few times as a threesome before calling it a failed experiment. Then a couple of times with just me and the girl, with him having done some preliminaries and then just watching. That was almost as awkward for me because it felt like him being left out was wrong, and it didn't work well for either of them.

But none of the other fails were as bad as the first lol. I'd call it a clusterfuck if any of the fucking had been worthy of the word.