The lighter side of ADHD
I'm autistic, so I don't know if this applies with adhd, but for me it's not a choice (sensory processing disorder means, for me anyway, not being able to not be alert and aware of literally everything going on around me), and if it was, it wouldn't be about "warding off harm" in some abstract way, it's more about trying to be prepared for every possible outcome, because being caught unprepared would cause even more anxiety..
Aren't brains fun? π
They are not, except the few times they are
I relate to this so much. Throw in trauma and my nervous system is running on overdrive.
Literally nearly edited in "throw in trauma" after mentioning SPD, but left it..
Hello fellow hyper vigilant person.. π¬π
This behavior is why I'm good at my job
This behavior is when I'm good at my job.
This behavior is why other people think I'm good at my job but I think I'm not (because clearly I haven't thought about everything yet , right?)
Blessing and a curse, I get paid for my judgement but it comes from the same place of anxiety and desperation to be prepared for anything.
I mean yeah but it's still nice to be good at something and somebody needs to think about this shit
What is your job?
My superpower is thinking of, and building contingencies for, every single possible problem except the ones that actually happen. I'm like a shitty useless batman.
It's like playing Whack-A-Mole, but focusing solely on one side of the board and flipping to the other side with each miss. Coverage is incredible, but the moles are openly snickering on the other side. πΆ
Yeah, I avoid problems that I see coming, but then it turns out that other people didn't avoid them and they weren't really that problematic anyway.
The illusion of control, even with its misplaced guilt, is easier to process than the chaotic truth that no one is in control. Everyone is making it up as they go and pretending there's a plan. Even when there is a plan, it invariably falls apart when you attempt to implement it in reality. Too many variables. Too much chaos.
You turn away from the chaos by creating a fictitious order in your head, then blame yourself when reality happens instead of fiction.
As an elementary teacher, add to that the necessity of convincing a bunch of children that reality is ordered rather than chaos, and then make them perform that βorderβ for other parents, teachers, administrators, etc. Itβs mentally exhausting.
Oh hey thats me.
My anxiety isnt too bad if im doing something ive done before. In new situations that I haven't gone through is when my brain kicks it up and starts playing out what could happen and how we would deal with it.
This sounds familiar. It was the first thing I got treatment for along with depression.
I was always on edge for things I forgot or bad things that might happen. Even small day to day things. Along with the anxiousness / fear I felt all the time. Started leaning towards turning into the paranoid prepper type at one point.
Cybersecurity was a natural fit as a career lol.
Once I got on medication, the feeling of fear or anxiety basically vanished. And the depression was more under control. I'm still good at cybersec though. I have had a lot of practice thinking about what can go wrong. I just don't freak out over it anymore.
Later I was diagnosed with ADHD. I don't know if or how that played in. My unscientific pet theory is that constantly screwing up may have heightened my fear of screwing up. But idk how it explains fearing numerous potential adverse scenarios.
Anyway I am more calm and level headed than ever most of the time. I do still anticipate various reasonable outcomes. But I don't freak or go overboard or focus on the scariest thing.
Something about the way this was written is irritating
Holyfuckingshitotherpeopledothistoo???
Better now that I'm on meds for that!
Yeah, I started meds for this and it just... Turned off. Not much else happened and it was like I had taken off a heavy backpack I didn't know I was wearing.
What is the condition/the meds called?
I'm on Lexapro (Escitalopram) for social anxiety disorder and it's helped a ton!
Bad
Not great, friend. Not great.
That's not just anxiety. That's my most important survival strategy.
Steris from Mistborn Era 2 by Brandon Sanderson. He writes a lot of non-neurotypical characters very well. She's great, and gets a very nice love story
This is the most effective strategy I have for managing my adhd.
This is called being a good person in a bad world.
Or collective PTSD in America, at least.
Excuse me, I did not asked to be called out like this. π€£π This is so me.
I do; not great, because a lot of the really concerning problems that may have an impact on me in the next 5-10 years are things that I have very little, if any, control over, and the contingency plan is basically just βgo to another countryβ. Which is a bit tough to internalize, because for all its problems, I was born and grew up here, and I know this place has the potential to be better, and I want to fight for it to be better, but a lot of powerful and rich people are pushing things in the exact opposite direction in the interest of getting more power and money.
Get medicated.
You sure you don't have OCD there bud?
I'm sure of nothing
Might wanna look into OCD then. That sort of mentally torturing yourself is very OCD, so is the belief that if you do it often enough/just right, it will protect you and your community from harm.
I'm already in therapy for a while now. And although I do still feel this, it is much less now
It's called Intrusive thoughts, they come from subconscious and are normal. But if you are obsessed with them you might need to see a doctor.
How can you write like that