this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2023
549 points (97.1% liked)

The Onion

4219 readers
1022 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
all 41 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 168 points 10 months ago (3 children)

I didn't even register this as satire until I opened the article. The headline is just too believable.

[–] pdxfed 44 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I was a full paragraph in.

[–] TheLowestStone 22 points 10 months ago

I'm still not 100% sure it is satire.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago

I mean it's not wrong.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

Not believable at all because I've seen it with my own eyes and know it to be true.

[–] [email protected] 92 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Can always forgive a little witchcraft as long as the witch hates the gays, too. "One of the good ones."

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

So long as they're hurting the right people

[–] [email protected] 36 points 10 months ago (2 children)

She has grit, plain and simple, like a certain big fella I know. Hint: his initials are J.C

James Cameron?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] TurnItOff_OnAgain 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] billiam0202 12 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

John Cleese

(edit: remembered a funnier comedian.)

[–] canthidium 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] agent_flounder 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] Alivrah 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] quaddo 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

Jesus Castro?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

More accurate than you might think.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 10 months ago (3 children)

I had one crazy aunt who went to HP book burnings back in the day. She wasn’t even anything that weird, just regular Catholic. Dunno what made her think she needed to do it because the rest of the family is also Catholic and they weren’t doing it.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 10 months ago (2 children)

That's hilarious because my priest at the time encouraged people to read the books.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Catholics got some extra crazy somewhere around 2000-2008, I can't pinpoint when it happened, but the community changed somewhere around that time. Like there was normal conservative Catholic, and then suddenly I noticed that Evangelical type start to join up. I'm no longer practicing now and consider myself agnostic.

[–] Hotdogman 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

They were preparing for the rapture of 2012. Must have been quite akward the following Sunday at church when everbody showed up.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

I read an interesting take on 2012, which the Mayans or some ancient civilization also predicted. That the end of the world would be slow, and take years. It’s not going to be instant. I think it’s happening now, this cursed timeline that we’re all in.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

Yeah that’s what I thought I also remembered about the time. I was just a kid though but it’s stuck with me for some reason lol

So fucking weird.

[–] agent_flounder 3 points 10 months ago
[–] MycoBro 2 points 10 months ago

I read it as hp love craft and pictured her in the 40s burning books. Everyone was dressed like in the godfather.

[–] agent_flounder 19 points 10 months ago

Yummy onion. ಠ_ಠ

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

I know this is from "the hard times" But I don't know if it counts as satire when I literally know people like this -_-

[–] jose1324 13 points 10 months ago

Lol this is supposed to be satire? I see this like evey day

[–] saltesc 12 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

“It’s witchcraft, but it’s anti-woke witchcraft, which we can get behind,”

Sounds like, someone's livin' in the past, man.

But this is how we get the witchcraft in... Finally! Prepare to call off the woke movement and we'll unveil the anti-wole curtain to reveal witchcraft to all the children! They'll be running around-checks notes... using magic or supernatural powers to inflict harm or misfortune on other!s And-... transgress social norms by engaging in cannibalism, incest and open nudity!

Muahahaha

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Can't we use magic for more beneficial and fun things?

[–] TheLowestStone 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Hmm... I guess so. As long as we keep the cannibalism, incest, and open nudity.

[–] MycoBro 2 points 10 months ago

I don’t want to live in a world without cannibalism, incest, and open nudity.

[–] NewPerspective 4 points 10 months ago

Why can't the title of the article just say the word we're all thinking: hypocrites

[–] [email protected] -2 points 10 months ago

Well yeah, people change. Either that or consistency is dead.