Ashley is such a great name. You go girl!
this post was submitted on 06 Oct 2023
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Sheeeit Ashley, sometimes life is hard and you're in a bad place but never forget the best is always yet to come. At least I try to make that true. Good luck dudette, I'm rooting for you
Hi Ashley! Just remember that you’re not alone and there are actually people who don’t immediately judge you for who you really are!
Hi Ashley! Nice to meet you. Do you listen to any podcasts?
Not too many but i like the official podcast :3 edit: if you don't know its a podcast from penguinz0 with some friends (including huggbees) talking about random shit. they have some cool guests
hi ashley! have you granted kids to hell?
Only on the weekend
Hello Ashley! Sorry you’re feeling down, it seems that when it rains it pours sometimes, eh?
Just remember that it’ll pass. I always try to remember other things I’ve overcome when I’m feeling beat by a current ordeal, reminds you that you’ll get through whatever this is, too.
Anything you wanna talk about? :)
Thanks :). Bipolar, psychosis, and loneliness is bad lately, and my family gave me cptsd and im afraid i'll always be stuck with them. I've never been genuinely loved by someone and im afraid that will never happen. And a bunch of bad things keep happening and every time i gain hope i lose it. Im just sad and scared lately. I don't have any options to end my life at the moment so im pretty fucked. If i had a good friend or partner and seperated from my family i think i would be happy enough to try to continue living but i dont think that will ever happen. /vent You don't have to give advice or anything, thanks for listening :)
Trans mom here also dealing with BPD. It's ok to be sad. Things can feel hard, but trust me, they can and will get better.
Thanks, and im glad you were able to make it that far in life, it makes me hopeful. But i don't know if i can wait for it to get better. Im either living in agony, melancholy or despair and i feel tired and delirious. It definitely doesn't help that most of the people around me are making it worse. And bipolar and cptsd make me do irrational things and are causng me to be hopeless, i can't even trust myself. I feel like i desperately need someone or something to help or i will die. idk maybe im overthinking this.
Aw I sorry gurl, that’s fuckin rough.
Remember that there are tons of people who have survived terrible things and gone on to live happy lives. Humans are more resilient than we give ourselves credit for, I think. I don’t know you but I bet you’ve made it through some shit and survived, and nobody is ever beyond healing. ❤️🩹
Don’t give up, you always have a chance at happiness if you can work your way through the darkness. Please don’t end your life, one of the best things I ever did was decide not to go through with it - I’d have missed out on the happiest parts of my life so far if I had let myself give in.
Also, for the record nobody is stuck with anybody for ever. I have a friend who went no contact with his family and he’s fine.
Thanks for the advice, feeling a bit more hopeful now. In hindsight i shouldn't be making huge life decisions like suicide when im manic, sleep deprived, and psychotic but the urge feels so strong and the pain is too much. Idk, i guess having someone who loves me and won't leave me for being mentally ill or trans isn't as unnatainable of a goal as i think it is (hopefully).
Yeah I can understand that - sometimes the lows can feel super low, but they wouldn’t feel so low if there weren’t highs to compare them to. 😉
I know I’m giving a lot of unsolicited advice here, sorry! I have one more piece though - imho don’t focus on the actual act of finding a partner so hard. I think what has worked best for me was being open to relationships while working on myself. Fuckloads of therapy and putting effort into figuring out and dealing with all the twisted bullshit inside my own subconscious really made being in and keeping relationships less difficult. Finding a therapist you jive with is a godsend for that, and very worth the effort.
Also. For the record, it’s not abnormal to go through a bunch of relationships before you find the right person. Don’t feel alone in that, you aren’t.
You sound like a strong person, I think you have more of a chance than you give yourself credit for. Joo kan do eet! 😁
Thanks mate, also i do actually appreciate the advice. And of course i plan on just meeting people who i relate to and then progressing from friendhsip. Im gonna see a psychiatrist soon for ocd so that should help.
Omg Ashley my family sucks and I'm stuck here too :3
It's a really weird despair that I'm not living my life for me because I need to transition and take care of my interests and desires, but also it feels like the right thing to do, living here.
If it keeps you from living a happy life, it's never "the right thing to do" to stay with someone, be that your "family", bad "friends" or whoverer else. If you can find a way out of that mess and into a better place, take it.
Thanks. I'll see what I can do 🤷♀️
Np, Ash :3 If ya wanna talk I’m here ^^
Thanks very much, i'll remember that :3
Remember ashley: only you can truly know and say who and what you are. Somone telling you, that you're not a girl, does not change anything about you. You got this, and things will get better!
also, did you type this out on a terminal emulator? the font fits that green a at the cent could be from ashley@thinkpad or sth as the username@hostname things seems to be green most of the time
Thankd :). Also yeah i made bash printf the text