It sounds like you could benefit significantly from seeing a therapist to assist in working through this.

Keep in mind being in therapy says nothing bad about you, i genuinely believe everyone could use therapy sometimes.

Comparison is the thief of all joy.

You have to take your own route through life.

For me, the most productive way to take care of grief is to sit with it.

It's like when we hit our heads, and we have to just lay down and be with the pain until it passes.

Emotional pain is the same. But our habit is to try to run from ourselves instead.

Damn, I feel that so hard.

Grieving the loss of your previous life is a hard fucking road, and everyone that experiences it has to find their own path, just like any other form of grief.

My best advice is to really let yourself feel it in the moment. When that wave comes, don't try to wave it off or suppress it unless it hits at a time it isn't safe to do so. Don't wallow on it, definitely keep your thoughts from spiraling as much as you can. But breathe through it, let the emotion of it wash through you. It will ebb again, back to your normal.

Beyond that, I find that looking for a thing, or things, to fill your down time with is vital long term. It can be anything, really, but ideally it's something that makes use of your strengths and connects you outside of yourself.

For me, that thing is often writing. Fiction, lemmy comments, the rare poem, whatever. I can do it almost anywhere, almost any time. If you don't have something already, try to find something. I know folks that have picked up sketching as a thing because it's similarly portable. You can even do it on a screen, so the supplies issue is a low barrier to entry. No mess either. You don't even have to be good at it, it isn't for anyone else, as far as that goes. You just have to be willing to work at it over time.

I know people, via my disability/chronic pain support group, that do stuff like knitting, cross stitch, even carving things (though that runs too messy for times when you're stuck in bed). I know a guy that sings for and to himself.

The goal is to find things you can do with your body, within its limits, that also engages your mind. People need purpose. It's very unusual to find people that do well without a "thing" to do. Doesn't have to be a job, it just has to give structure to your days in a way that bare survival tasks like laundry just can't.

And gods, if you can find a local support group, it helps. Online works too, but there's something special about getting out of your own turf, into a neutral space with other people that helps. And when it's people that know exactly what you're going through, it really can take the horror out of even the really bad stuff.

Some shit, you don't move on from. You just survive it, endure it. There's no perfect answers when that kind of shit is on your plate, so you just try the next thing until.

Happy life day. Tomorrow is a celebration of a near miss, to be mindful of the time and experiences we still have.

I don't have much to give you, but my strong well wishes and my happiness that your here to be with us.

Diet, sunlight, socialization can all have a impact on mood and depression. They might be something you can tweak for better mood control

You’re alive, and you’re even still riding! A couple dozen miles may seem like nothing to you when you compare past stuff but that’s still a looooong way and it means you aren’t locked out of your hobby. I cycle in the summer for getting around at that’s like, maybe a few kilometres. You’re not gunna be in the Tour de France but you’re killin’ it all the same.

I meet musicians sometimes who have arthritis. They’ve had to put down tougher instruments like the mandolin or struggle to play difficult pieces but they’ll pick up something less painful or just play slower pieces/easier versions. The music didn’t have to die with reduced capability.

There was a MAS*H episode about a guy who had lost his hand, and who was a pianist. He was so sure that he would never play the piano ever again and was devestated for much of the episode until he was given a piece written for only one hand. It’s not the same, of course, but the heart of it was still there in full force.

I think about it myself sometimes, about what I’d do if my hands ever stopped working considering how important they are for all my hobbies, but it’s amazing how much you can adapt, and it sounds like you’re still getting out there which is so frickin’ awesome I mean my friend do not understate that, ok?