Off My Chest

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I died tomorrow (self.goodoffmychest)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by j4k3 to c/goodoffmychest

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12 hours from now, 11 years ago, I was very nearly killed riding a bicycle to work. I'm partially physically disabled now. Holding posture is very limited for me, but I'm still mobile. Last year I did the same ride on the same route. I ran into someone I worked with that was doing well and it had a disproportionate negative effect to see their success.

For the first 9 years I tried to ignore the anniversary, but that doesn't work well either. I still feel every bit of the pain I felt that day when I woke up in the hospital, so moving on is not an option. I'm a shell of my former self. I'm doing good to ride a bike a couple dozen miles at most and can't stop, sit, or stand for more than a few minutes. Does anyone with experience like this have any suggestions to reduce the dip; to morn one's own death in a more productive way?

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[–] Soup 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

100%. I like the guided stuff myself because it keeps my focus and easier to “do”. Also naps/lie downs with no music or other sounds(and a timer!) can be nice.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

Yeah, I actually have a pain condition. So by sit, I meant lay down, and often it's with a guided meditation.

I started working with the bramavaharas recently and those have been really helpful.

Learning to feel grief, while most of my mind remains equanimous toward it. That has been a real blessing.