When the Bard has a whole excel database of insults
Nobody's gonna say it? Fine.
*hanged
this post was submitted on 31 Jan 2025
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The real crime here is using Excel as a database.
That reminds me of my previous job at a factory where a business critical database was maintained as a single Excel file with 15000 rows and 200 columns, and now all of my bones are in attack position.
I'll jump through my window before I ever again spend hours doing dozens of VBA lookups to fix data that got fucked up.
SELECT Insult FROM Insults
ORDER BY RAND()
LIMIT 1
Excel databases are totally fine if the only reader is human
Why do you have to use fancy stuff like Excel when notepad will do?
It's a power move. You let them see you've brought a licensed copy of office 2007 to the game, and the dm immediately knows you are not to be fucked with. Unless they've got a bigger and better spreadsheet of course.
This was a complaint I heard from friends about D&D. Them going "Dude this game sucks. You as a bard get a cool spell that lets you roleplay and I only get shit like magic missile". To which I went "What shape are your magic missiles? Why doesn't the cleric's summon a folding chair? Why is the warlock's pact just some random devil, and even then you don't roleplay anything with it?" like the insults don't come out of nowhere most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I am insanely quick on the draw. But prepping a database of insults when it's needed is part of the fun for me.
Reminds me of the list of tales of grand adventure that my storyteller bard used for bardic inspiration. It was tagged so I could find one fitting the current encounter.