I'm sorry to both of us. God I'm so tired : adhd

[–] Whats_your_reasoning 7 points 2 days ago

My friends and I are (almost) all like this. Sometimes we "pin" ideas based on the key words that triggered them. That is, one of us will go, "Oh! You mentioned dogs. I need to put a pin in that idea, because I have a story about dogs when you're done." Then we go back to the main story. When it's over, now (at least) two people knew that there was a "pin" about "dogs." One of us might forget, both of us might forget, but we've found that by mentioning the key word, it's usually easier for us to find the "lost" thought again.

Your mileage may vary. Some people might prefer to make a note or some other tangible reminder. This is just what works for us, but maybe it can help others too.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 days ago (1 children)

And if that thought doesn't come out right now, it will be lost forever. Or I can try to hold onto it, but I will not hear anything you've said, due to the mental effort required to hold onto a single thought.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

It's funny how you "interrupted" the post by not reading the whole thing.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 21 hours ago

The ADHD brain works in mysterious ways.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Sometimes I am writing something, very focused, my family member wants something from me and I snap at them incredibly hard in the retrospection seconds later. Like some kind of volcano eruption and then frustration because my train of thought is totally lost now and the focus gone I don't know what I even wanted to write.

Because you know I had this overarching idea but it is too ephemeral to remember for long. It's more like a gist, feeling even. Super fragile and easily lost in the wind of thoughts.

Maybe it isn't even that important but I hate when it happens. It dissipates and there is no trace of it whatsoever as if it never even existed.

[–] Electricblush 32 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I use a notepad in many meeting at work to not be a complete pain in the ass.

If I write it down it's not lost, and if it's actually a good point I can bring it up at a good time or circle back to it.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 days ago (1 children)

On the other hand, my notes:

APC

Excel

Fri

It all made perfect sense when I wrote them down. But two hours later I have no fucking clue what any of it is supposed to mean.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Australian Penitentiary Choirs strive for excellence, and for that, they need frigates.

[–] Tangent5280 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

lmfao FRIGATES?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You never know when a frigate will come in handy.

Granted, it's "almost never" for most people, but your nautical mileage may vary 🤷

[–] [email protected] 3 points 21 hours ago

Frigates are probably one of the more useful naval combat vessels if sea (and air) superiority isn't a concern. Checks out.

[–] Matriks404 1 points 1 day ago

Oh, that's actually pretty clever.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Notepads are underrated. It's so much more intuitive than using an app.

[–] umbraroze 3 points 2 days ago

Many years ago I noticed that using a paper almanac was very helpful in certain situations, actually helping me make more use of the Google Calendar. Two years ago I started using a bunch of notebooks (basically one notebook per topic) because writing ideas down is very helpful to me. Just at the end of the year I got a sketchbook for drawings. At the beginning of the year I got a bunch of Post-Its and started my very own conspiracy wall (the conspiracy is that there's stuff I'm supposed to do at some point).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

Unless you have the common "my fingers are idiots" (AKA poor fine motor skills) symptom of ADHD like I do, making any handwriting a slow and arduous chore with "legible" the height of aesthetic success 🤷

[–] WrenFeathers 26 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

I’m a different version of this- When I am interrupted with something that diverts the topic and I have to sit there waiting to get it back on track, and it never does.

[–] RememberTheApollo_ 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Both of these conditions exist for some of us.

[–] WrenFeathers 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Oh acknowledged! And my anecdotal addition wasn’t intended to imply that it exists at the exclusion of the other for myself, or anyone else for that matter.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This feels like reading a EULA

[–] WrenFeathers 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

At no time is Wren’s Anecdotal Addition™ intended to imply that it exists at the exclusion of any other explanation provided by original statement⁽¹⁾.
Any and all assumptions of implied intent, motive, or explanations is not the responsibility of Wren’s Anecdotal Addition™.
Users who misinterpret Wren’s Anecdotal Addition™ do so of their own volition are not entitled to compensation, apology, explanation, but may be subject to sarcasm⁽²⁾.
Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 years of age should avoid interacting with Wren’s Anecdotal Addition™

⁽¹⁾ Original statement implies any comment or post in which Wren’s Anecdotal Addition™ is applied
⁽²⁾ Sarcasm implies World’s Tiniest Violin played poorly using Wren’s pointer and index fingers.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

For me it's waiting for them to put their phone down, and when they do, I've already forgotten about it.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Not doing this is one of the masking behaviors that drains me the most and why I hate being involved in conversations of 4 or more people.

[–] Idreamofcheesy 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Just letting you know that it's very appreciated.

My wife interrupts a lot and after a while it can make me feel under valued.

[–] [email protected] -3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (1 children)

I'm not quite sure how to say this without coming off as a jerk, but I don't think it's admirable that you want others to choose their own discomfort over yours.

Edit: Figured out a better way to say it: Please don't come into an ADHD community and praise people for how normal they can be because you don't like when they're not normal.

[–] Idreamofcheesy 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Just because it's part of your diagnosis doesn't mean it's not rude.

I'm not going to be like "man I love being interrupted. It really makes the conversation fun."

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I don't think having symptoms is rude in the same way I don't think being an amputee is rude or being depressed is rude. Putting that you feel undervalued on your partner because of their symptom is something I would, however.

For me, it's draining the the point of not being able to do further mental effort for hours after. If you told me to give up my day to reassure, amuse, or otherwise tend to you, I'd tell you to take a hike.

I feel sorry for your wife for being looked down upon as rude for not being able to meet your standards and for not being partnered with somebody that can feel empathy for her.

[–] Idreamofcheesy 3 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

It'd make more sense to compare it to another neurological disorder. Maybe BPD. One of the symptoms of bipolar disorder is impulse control.

If your partner is in a hyper manic state and keeps banging bar randos, that's still disrespectful even if it's a symptom of their disorder.

If they run up a credit card debt because it causes them tremendous mental effort to not buy things on a whim, it's still harmful.

Now you might get into a relationship knowing these are possibilities, but you're still hurt and/or damaged by them. It would make sense for you to make rules about your partner trying to get help and curb the hurtful behaviors.

And my wife is awesome. I don't look down on her at all, I just get hurt feelings when I can't get through a story after trying multiple times. I also have ADHD and 9 out of 10 times my thought is long gone by the time she's done interrupting me.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Is your wife doing it on purpose? If not, why do you get hurt by it? That seems like way more a you thing than a her thing because you're placing unreasonable expectations on her to mitigate your negative emotions. The work of both changing her behavior (difficult) and managing your emotional state (impossible) are both put on her plate. That's what I think is crappy about how you're describing it. Using your BPD example, it would be like you handing your credit card to somebody in a manic episode and expecting no charges on it and then feeling betrayed and blaming that feeling on the other person when that expectation is unmet. Put a credit limit on the card. Do some CBT about your feelings.

[–] Idreamofcheesy 1 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

So continuing the analogy, to "not hand my wife a credit card," I need to stop having conversations with her? Speak in short sentences that are harder to interrupt?

Nah, we'll keep trying to improve ourselves and keep communicating with each other.

Sorry if you don't want to feel bad about interrupting people.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 18 hours ago

No, you need adjust your expectations. She's going to interrupt you. Stop taking it personally. That's your issue, not hers. And don't act like ADHD is a moral failing with that "improve ourselves" ableist crap. It's a disability, not merely an inconvenience. If you actually have ADHD that's bad enough to be diagnosed and medicated, you should know solutions that require sustained effort will never work. If that is a new concept to you, please watch this video, save yourself some mental burdens and negative feelings, and have a better relationship https://youtu.be/4gdpvLQjdrE

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

Aha! Masking/coping strategy ACTIVATE!

Time to get out my phone/laptop and write that thought down so I can file it away into the kafkaesque disorganisation that is my notes system! (self hosting Trilium Notes btw)

[–] spankmonkey 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It only took three decades, getting diagnosed, and taking meds, but I finally figured out how to let most of those thoughts go unsaid!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

And how does one let most of those thoughts go unsaid?

[–] spankmonkey 5 points 2 days ago

Consider how important they are and if they are actually relevant to the conversation. Or if I feel like I'm dominating the conversation, just let several things go even if they are obviously relevant. If they are that relevant, they will probably pop back into my mind from further conversation. Plus someone else may have had the same thought, and letting them say it first lets them participate with fewer interruptions.

Let's take a friendly chat about a video game. First off, the conversation that will be had is not that important. It might feel that way, but unless it is the only time it comes up, there will be more opportunities in the future. Going in with this mindset helps a lot.

If something pops into my head while the other person is speaking, and nobody is going to die or be maimed if I say nothing, then it isn't really that important. If I can't keep the thought around until they are finished, then it actually wasn't that important. Maybe it will come up again if it really is that relevant.

Again, this took a loooong time to practice and it still takes effort. I kind of default to not volunteering anything in a group unless I can hold it until a break in the conversation. At my job that involves a lot of technical work this is actually a benefit because people pay more attention to someone who only speak about things they have thought through first. Exceot for brainstorming sessions, then I get to let all the wild ideas fly (while making sure everyone else gets a turn too),

[–] billwashere 3 points 2 days ago

Oh god yes!!!

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