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~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
Went to my car at Lidl. When entering I hit my head against the roof. Bumped to the other way, door began closing, hit my other side of my head against the door, then roof again, again door and smashing into the interior in a sitting position. Door closed.
After made myself think again I thought about how my father would be disappointed over my grave that he raised my for so long and I killed myself in such a stupid way.
I never actually saw it, but my mom swears and declares that one time a maine coon cat we had ended up getting up on his hind legs and used his paws to open my bedroom door, back when I shared a room with one of my brothers.
Rushing on a snowy day, walked into an open manhole. To this day I have no idea what I landed on, I was shoulders-deep and when I came back the next day the snow was gone all I saw was the manhole cover.
Left side of my bed collapsed while mid-coitus (cheap MDF bed, not raucous sex). Missionary, so we just rolled softly off the mattress and onto the floor. Paused briefly as we both processed what had just happened, then laughed and continued.
Doing a Horny Gorilla skydive with 5 friends.
Representative photo of a Horny Gorilla not a photo of me or my friends:
We get into the formation, actually get stable and the next thing we all see is a one jumpers deployment bag, with their main parachute in it, come out from his back. Goes above the formation, then the deployment bag comes down into the middle of the formation.. goes back up.. comes back down. Lines are streaming all around and it's turning into a really dangerous situation. Getting tied up in the lines, while in free fall has a great chance of being fatal.
But it was just a surreal moment for all of us, seeing this deployment bag dancing around in the middle of the Horny Gorilla.
The person next to the jumper with the deployment bag out, reaches down and pulls the affected jumper's Pilot Chute, which is what actually deploys the main, and tosses it into the air stream. The affected jumper went flying out of the formation as his main parachute deployed. The rest of us break and track hard.
The guy actually landed his main parachute! He did not end up cutting away and pulling his reserve. The way that deployment bag just danced in an out of the middle of the formation was just unreal and we all just stared at it for what seemed an eternity.
25 years on and we all still talk about it.
I was practicing my front kicks on a heavy bag in my kung fu school when I decided to try to work on their height. I kicked as high as I could which made me lean back (bad form). Well heavy bags fight back and between that and my unstable position I fell backwards like a log. Yes, I was defeated by a bag.
Ha! Similar story, but Capoeira here. We're all in formation and called to do "armada", some arts might call it a "spinning back crescent".
I whipped around and threw that leg and spun so hard that I caught just enough air to take my anchored foot out from under me and land on my butt. Oooow. Lol
I imagine some funny cartoonish "woopidy woop!" sounds would've completed the moment. XD
when i was running to take the bus and slipped in a puddle in the sidewalk, throwing my legs upwards as if i were daniel stern in home alone, and landing on my back.
Most recently: My white cat was drinking water and my orange cat decided it wanted to attack it, my white cat screams as usual which triggers my dog to go nuts and wants to play as well which causes both cats to run. My white cat runs through the kitchen and jumps on the bench knocking over some containers we had drying out, the containers falling freaks my dog out so he starts barking at nothing in particular, meanwhile my orange cat runs down the hall and goes to turn and go up the stairs but slips (vinyl flooring) and slides into the wall making a loud thud.
This all happened in a space of like 20 seconds, while my family and I are sitting in the middle of it all eating dinner - absolutely perplexed at what just went down.
Watched from my kitchen window as my dad and my dog were chased by a skunk. It was exactly like a comedy sketch. First it was dog barking at skunk with dad yelling from the side door. Then it was skunk chasing dog, dog chasing skunk with dad chasing dog. Then the tables were turned, and my dad was being chased by the skunk.
It was glorious. I remember it taking ages before they could get safely inside. My dad was pissed at the time. They both were partially sprayed, but I don't remember it being that bad of an aftermath. We laugh about it now.
When I was a teen we had adopted a neighborhood stray Maine Coon named Barney. He was a big cat. Well one day I heard screaming from the back yard and ran to the window only to see my mom running from Barney. My mom NEVER ran and was very mellow 99% of the time. I had to laugh seeing this cat that barely came up to her calf chasing her around the yard while she "ran for her life". In his defense Barney liked to chase us kids around and we sort of trained him to do it by chasing him too. It became his play.
I asked her later why she was so scared and she just said "Well the cat was chasing me!" and I responded "What was he going to do? Nibble your ankles?"
And he never looked at tomato juice the same way ever again
And he had to sleep in the garage for 3 days.
Slipped on a banana peel in kidnergarten.
Working at Dairy Queen when I was a teen. I was cleaning the soft serve machine and forgot to depressurize and drain the machine before i opened the front up. As soon as I loosened the last bolt it exploded gallons of chocolate and vanilla soft serve ice cream. In an instant, the entire mall food court was sprayed in a fine mist of soft serve. Once I wiped the ice cream from my eyes and realized what just happened, I looked around and there was a perfect outline of my silhouette on the wall behind me.
Reminds me of a guy I knew who was in the navy on a "boomer" (nuke missile) sub. The toilets on it had special pressurization systems to force the contents out into the ocean when underwater. Well you had better follow the instructions if you used them, part of which involved closing a ball valve before flushing. If you didn't do this the pressurization would force the contents back up at the flushee resulting in "blowing shitters". Since you had to clean up your own mess nobody made this mistake twice.
Oh god, im so glad mine was just soft serve!
This was a form of "soft serve" lol
straight out of Mr. Bean lol
That seems like a really shitty design for that to even be possible.
It was one of these. You can see the 4 bolts in the corners that hold the face of it on.
Many years ago I was painting stars on a bedroom ceiling for my oldest's third birthday. I had been running the ceiling fan in the room for all the other painting to help it dry faster, and it didn't occur to me that running the fan while I was on a ladder painting stars on the ceiling wasn't a good idea.
To be fair, I got most of them done before it went bad.
The ceiling fan hit me in the head, and I heard a stadium crowd cheering the home run as I flew off the ladder and landed on my back.
I managed to get a bruise that went around the front of my head. It looked like my skull had flexed.
I decided I had painted enough that day.
Reminds me of when I was installing the lights in my apartment (germany: people take their light fixtures with them....)
I asked my gf at the time: "Can you turn off the breaker for the lights?"
"Done!" she says, so I take the red live wire and the black live wire and I -
Woke up on the floor, the ladder still standing. 'Done' apparently meant 'Consider it done'
I once saw a guy slip and fall on a banana-peel. He just stared at it for a good 30 seconds in disbelief before getting up.
Then Porky Pig came out of nowhere and said "That's all folks!"
This happened to me too. Everyone says they aren't actually slippery. For me it was a cartoonish feet flying out from under me slip.
Is this true? It feels like an AI fever dream, especially when Teddy Roosevelt suddenly showed up.
I was at an OHL (minor league hockey) game and they had a couple of very little kids teams come out to skate around the ice before the anthem and puck drop, but while the kids were skating around they rolled out a long carpet to centre ice for the anthem singer to walk out on. Every single kid came around the corner right into the carpet and wiped out, one by one, someone ran out on the carpet waving their arms to try and tell them to STOP! but they either couldn't stop or didn't notice and all of them ate it.
The crowd was a mix of people horrified and going OH NOOOO and others laughing their asses off. It was quite the scene.
Stepped on a rake, smacked me right on the forehead. More plausible than you might think.
Sideshow Bob?
It was snowy out and I was in the car with my partner about to take off to work. We had a roommate at that time. I looked over at the house and roommate comes out, slips, and falls. I tell my partner βoh noooβ¦ Roomate fellβ¦β as theyβre trying to get the car started.
Roommate attempts to get back up, slips againβ¦ gets halfway up, falls againβ¦ stands fully up, does a little kinda jog-in-place, falls againβ¦ I tell my partner βheβsβ¦ still fallingβ¦β
I went off the road on an ice coated mountain road once. I suspected conditions were ripe for icing so I was going VERY slowly fortunately. I went into a tree. Well when I got out to inspect the damage as soon as I tried to stand up my feet went out from under me and I held onto the top of the door while my legs flailed like a cartoon character building up speed. The ice was the slickest I've ever encountered.
At a friend's wedding. He is known for being clumsy. Literally 30 seconds out of church after the ceremony. He shows off the ring, just hear a cartoonish pling pling and the ring rolls straight down the street drain in slow-mo. Next 30 minutes are spent recovering the ring, people in suits and dresses digging through the gutter XD
I saw a cop pull up and park illegally to go into a Dunkin donuts. It was like seeing a political cartoon in real life.
There was a dunkin donuts near me that always had some city police in it like a cliche. I told my wife "If you ever have a problem around there go to that dunkin and there will be some cops in it."
Childhood memory from Munich: We're sitting at a table eating breakfast when a patrol car parks right outside and two police officers exit (you know how they look in their Bavarian uniforms, boots, belts and all), they're both in the prime of their lives, tall and strong, walk straight up to the counter and say nothing more than a good morning before a breakfast spread magically appears on the counter before them, with two MaΓkrug of beer. The police officers devour the breakfast and down the beers faster than I can breathe, before they say a simple thanks and go out to their car and drive away. No visible payment. My little brother and I just looked at each other, both knowing that we had just seen something one doesn't see every day.
These little bribes are very common in the US. Shops/restaurants give cops free food/drinks to stay on their good side, and so the cops will "patrol" the area more.
I gave the small town police a dunkin gift card for taking the time to drive up to a trail head parking lot in the mountains, in the winter, and pick up my expensive crampons that I had left there. I figured they didn't have to do it for some forgetful tourist. They said "no no" to the gift at first but I insisted.
I was talking to a colleague in the office hallway who was holding an empty coffee mug. He fumbled with it a bit until it slipped out of his hands. He tried to catch it, got it, it slipped again, and again, and again. He juggled with that thing for what felt like an eternity until he finally caught it safely. I couldn't stop laughing.
Was putting together a flat pack wardrobe with my sister and mother. Mother just had to stand and support it whilst my sister did up some screws (at this point it was just a rectangle with no internal support so gravity wants to turn it into a rhombus). She starts getting bored and checks her phone leading to it tilting and the top section falls out and brains my sister on the head. After some choice words we put it back together and then she manages to do the exact same thing the second time, right on top of the bump made by the first incident. It was like a laurel and hardy sketch. My sister was very much not amused.
Sister and I ran across the road in winter when we were kids and slipped on the pavement ice, both going arse over elbow in a very comical cartoon slip in time with each other.
In our heads it was like synchronized swimming, but falling
Someone handed me a rake and in perfect cartoon fashion, I stepped on it and wacked myself in the face.
So a light rail train is a surface ground public transport system similar to a tram, it moves around on street level and can be quite fast but is usually plastic on the exterior and lighter and slower than a typical train.
So anyways, one time as I am walking down the sidewalk in college my hat blows right off my head, without thinking much of it I sprint off after it hoping to catch it before it ends up in the street.
I manage to catch right before I'm in the actual road, but apparently still right on the tracks for the light rail that had right of way through the intersection.
I am still bent over grabbing my hat as I look over my shoulder to see the train hitting me.
I bounced off the front of that train probably a good 10 feet, skid across the ground for the last bit but immediately jump up slap the hat back on my head and stare at the driver of the light rail just long enough for us both to realize I am still on the tracks. I don't know what they were ever going to say as I just held my hand down on my hat to stop it blowing away and sprinted as fast as I could away.
I have been hit by nearly every mode of transportation but that one always makes me giggle compared to the trains, buses, cars or boats.
Ya know when someone rounds a corner, they lose traction, run in place for a moment, and then fall?
Yeah. While in a factory. One of the trailers the next section was working on caught fire, so I bolted over there to assist, and no one in my section thought to hit our E-Stop. I bolted around the corner, hit the red button, turned, was booking it back, hit that corner, and was just in place until my ass hit concrete.
After all was said and done, we had a good laugh. Got called out at the next safety meeting for being a bit too enthusiastic on making my way back.
I went dirt bike riding with my dad and my brother. My brother hadn't ridden in a while, so dad started to go over the basics with him. He had other ideas however.
"I know what I'm doing", my brother complained, interrupting the explanation. He then proceeded to start the bike, rev the handle all the way, and dump the clutch. He popped a wheelie and got maybe five feet before he fell over. Funniest thing I've ever seen.
I once had a group drive by in a van, and harass me and my friends as they passed, then, maybe 30 minutes later, come around again, slow down as they were driving past, open the sliding door, and started throwing fish at us. Like whole dead fish.