Oh look, another soft layoff…
this post was submitted on 12 Jan 2025
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God I love returning to the office just to jump on zoom calls.
My manager asked me why I expensed a $500 headset and told him it's because I'm on the phone all day and want one that's more comfortable.
He asked me for the model and he bought one as well.
But at least I get free* coffee
* 2 cup maximum. Additional coffees will be deducted out of my paycheck (JK but sort of not really)
Well don’t leave us hanging, what was the headset?
You get free coffee? We have to buy our own machine and run a "coffee club" to pitch in for ongoing costs. I opt to instead nod off at my desk. I don't even care that it's an open office and that people can see me.
Even my absolute worst job, which had a total dump of an office, had free coffee (later found out another location across the country did not, while the main office was in a fairly nice office tower with good lighting, free coffee, and a nap room)
I guess it depends on the local job market and the type of company. I saw free coffee at the smaller companies around here, but the larger companies didn't offer it (at least not by the time I started working). It blows my mind that they'd cheap out on coffee when it's a productivity booster. Well, if they want to be petty with saving a buck, so can I. I'll be catching up on sleep at the office.
So, how many employees remove JPMorgan from their workday and choose a different employer?
Likely quite a few, which is the point of the entire exercise.
Yup. This is quiet firing. Companies are trimming payroll in preparation for the Trump economy.
It's a dumb short term move though. The employees you're going to lose are your top performers.
I remember this being panel two in a Dilbert strip (from back in the days when Adams did a great job of presenting as sane.)
Back when Dilbert was the main character, before Adams turned into the PHB.
Ehhh H1B is panacea--just you wait and see! 🤡
We can outsource physical labor, now we can outsource intellectual labor. Fly em in, give them the lowest wage they'll accept, threaten with deportation if they fall out of line. This is the kind of deal these companies are really looking to exploit -- they save money trimming their higher-paid talent while replacing them with someone being paid far less. It's a win-win for the corps
Capitalists only ever care about next quarter.
And it's not even guaranteed to work. All corporations seem to be doing (quiet) layoffs so most employees just suck it up and commute, brimming with fresh resentment.
Any quiet firing will tend to selectively get rid of more good workers than bad workers. The stars with good resumes and reputations in the industry can find good work elsewhere, and on the margins shittier work conditions will cause them to leave. The ones who can't get another job are the ones that stay, and aren't going to be as productive.
Which is fucking stupid, because you lose the good talent and get left with the ones who can't find a place that treats them better. But then again, it's just standard modern day capitalism trying to make the line go up for another quarter, no matter the long term detriment.
When I was there they implemented "high efficiency seating". Fuck that environment, I hope they lose a ton of talent.
I retired from programming because of that "open floor plan" shit, with the added bonus of no permanent desks. It's so insane to inflict that bullshit on programmers in particular, because our productivity (or mine at least) requires a quiet, distraction-free environment.
I bought noise cancelling earphones solely because I can’t focus with my peers sharing an office with me. Those things have saved my sanity and productivity.
Unfortunately, I couldn't stand the sight of my coworkers any better than the sound of them.
On call all day? Better gave that person commute an hour each way to site in chair alone.
Companies need to embrace remote work and reduce the foot print. I imagine the buildings cost more than the staff.
That's why RTO. All that corporate real-estate going to waste.
Didn't amazon basically say under the table that this is how they try to lay off people without doing it themselves?
Goodbye talent!
J P Morgan was sort of one of the worst humans in recent history.
I mean, the real reasons have nothing to do with productivity since productivity actually increased with remote and hybrid work. The real reason is they aren't doing as well as expected, partly due to some recent problems, and have a many investments in commercial real estate and they need a boom to make some quick profit for shareholders.
Oh, and to appease Elan...
OIC, it's time for them to fuck around and find out