this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2025
395 points (97.8% liked)

Microblog Memes

7106 readers
3155 users here now

A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

Rules:

  1. Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
  2. Be nice.
  3. No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
  4. Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.

Related communities:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
395
LinkedIn 3rd person (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by [email protected] to c/microblogmemes
 
top 41 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] misterdoctor 121 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

I wrote my resume exclusively in second-person POV, to reel the recruiter in and set the scene for what it would be like to work with me (bad)

You pull up Mister Doctor’s resumé and scan the contents starting with the summary section. Mister Doctor has chosen to write his resumé in second-person perspective you note, hoping to impress you with a spark of originality. You hate it, he has failed.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 months ago (3 children)

I've read this is the Stanley Parable narrator's voice, which I assume is the intent.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago (2 children)

It was the narrator from Actual Cannibal Shia Lebouf for me

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

ooh, that one is pretty good too

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Rob cantor?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Absolutely same!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

I'm reading it like the Broken Earth books.

[–] thedirtyknapkin 19 points 2 months ago

this just makes me wish my resume ever got read by real humans anymore... at least then i could be cute with it.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Linkedin gives me brain cancer; almost as much as that black mark in the photo.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I didn’t notice. Must’ve done that accidentally while cropping. Will update without mark

[–] misterdoctor 39 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Spent a solid minute trying to find the black mark before I saw this reply

[–] CrayonRosary 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I only spent 10-15 seconds, but same. Now I'm very slightly angry.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Petitioning @[email protected] to re-release the black mark version to give us some closure.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

OP delivers!

[–] CrayonRosary 2 points 2 months ago

Sweet relief.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

One of my least favourite features on android

[–] slazer2au 32 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Why am I reading this in a Khajiit voice.

Does he offer wares?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 months ago

If you have coin

[–] Vladkar 32 points 2 months ago

It is a bit demoralizing to spend thousands of hours mastering a professional skill, only to go on LinkedIn and see every other post is some recruiter proclaiming that if your resume doesn't use their favorite font, it goes straight in the bin.

Sorry I didn't major in "Deborah's Resume Preferences" in college.

[–] ReadyUser31 20 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Is this.... a reasonable take on LinkedIn? wow

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

They exist! Drowning in a sea of shit, there are nuggets of gold. Have fun digging for them though.

[–] InputZero 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That's okay, I'll wait here for the occasional nugget to surface.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Right? Let others more willing to suffer than us do the diving, we'll just skim their gains off the top.

LifeProTip: exploit the hard work of others for your own profit!

(That's a joke)

[–] pigup 20 points 2 months ago

thank mr shubham 🎺

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Where's Drag when you need drag? That post is for drag!

[–] tfw_no_toiletpaper 14 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I blocked that trolling mf such a long time ago and they still were the first person coming to mind lmao

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

Are they the first Lemmy icon? 🤔

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Nah, Picard Maneuver is much better and they are everywhere!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

They seem to be responsible for every other post on the platform.

I can't really imagine being that dedicated to Lemmy really. Like do they not have a job?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

FlyingSquid and whoever the "no poop" person was ought to be up there as well in terms of notoriety.

[–] BradleyUffner 2 points 2 months ago

What about the guy with the blue block letters?

[–] Klear 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)
[–] tfw_no_toiletpaper 1 points 2 months ago
[–] Lennnny 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I am about to embark on the absolutely loathsome quest of quickfiring my resume out to 200 tech companies I've never heard of with names like Kuttrbox and OpenYum, hoping for a place in their squid games to win a 'prestigious' founding role at their startup, and I'm sincerely considering making an absolutely batshit version just to see what happens. Ideas welcomed.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

Silicon Valley Quote

Richard: It says here on your resume that from 2010 to 2011 you "crushed it"? 
Applicant: That's actually an old resume. It should also read that I crushed it from 2013 to present.
Jared: So are we to understand that you did not "crush it" in 2012? 
Applicant: There was a medical situation preventing me from crushing it to my usual standards. So I had to take some time off until I was able to crush it at 100%, at which point I resumed crushing it full-time.

[–] kSPvhmTOlwvMd7Y7E 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

To all developers here: have you noticed that there is literally no interesting blogs/ write-ups about software? It always bugged me. So much for "professional network" lol

Pretty all technical conversation are on "python for dummies" level

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

I've found deeper conversations but they tend to be on super niche topics, and if it's anything you're actually familiar with you'll discover that 90% of the comments are people who don't know what the fuck they're talking about but enjoy presenting as knowledgable.

HackerNews might have more of what you're looking for, but be warned: nearly everyone on that site is in love with the idea that they are intelligent enough to speak authoratatively on all topics (they are definitively not), and the general culture is that the crazy reality distortion zone of the San Francisco Bay Area/working for startups/working for bug names like Google is an accurate reflection of general reality (it is not).

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago (2 children)

That's a large part of the reason why I got my degree yet work in a completely different industry. There's nothing to captivate my interest except my own work or other people's projects.

That and "fuck computers."

[–] kSPvhmTOlwvMd7Y7E 1 points 2 months ago

I actually got my degree in business and work as a developer ... for almost a decade now. I always find something interesting somewhere, the whole field is infinitely large. I think, if you wanted to captivate your interest, you would be able to!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

What, there's loads of interesting blogs. Of course you may not find them interesting but that's kind of on you.