As a gay man who passes as straight, you can get a lot of gal pals just by treating women as friends instead of potential partners. A lot of women don't really need a relationship, they just want a friendship.
this post was submitted on 01 Jan 2025
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That’s not it chief, plenty of women want relationships. The issue is just that men don’t care to have them on the terms of women, men want relationships that cater to their needs or desires primarily.
Then the other half of it is that they’ve had so many men pretend to value their needs but then drop them the moment they show even a little bit of pullback or discomfort. So women realize that men don’t really care about them as people, they just want the end results.
So by agreeing to be friends with them, there’s no physicality to it and the only way friendships work is if that give and take exists. Which makes it much easier to appreciate someone’s good characteristics without the pressure men give to make such quick determinations.
Source: a bisexual that watches straight men cockblock themselves with their personalities constantly
For anyone legitimately confused, there's potentially two different things going on here:
There is a very small chance that she is now more attracted to him, since he's been "screened" by someone else as an acceptable boyfriend.
What's infinitely more likely is that now she's more comfortable interacting with him because she feels he's not as likely to take friendly interaction as anything more, now that he has a girlfriend.
I went to the gym with my sister a couple of times. She's really serious about weight lifting. Each time we went, several random men would tell her how impressed they were. Later she said that men very rarely approached her like that when she was at the gym alone. I figure that they didn't want to seem like creeps so they were more comfortable talking to her when she was with another guy (me).
I went on a mushroom picking course with my sister once. It was very strange how people (in general, but yes mostly women) were talking to me compared to when she left early. It's uh, yeah, it is what it is
I was on a dating site many years ago. Never got messaged, rarely got responses.
Met someone in real life, set my profile to “in a relationship”. Got like 5 messages within a week.
Definitely a bit of vetting going on
You set your status on a dating app to In a Relationship instead of deactivating it. You got likes after that because you're now passing search filters for a different demographic: nonmonogamous people
Mate choice copying has been found in a wide variety of different species, including (but not limited to): […] and humans.[10]
"teasing me every chance she gets" sounds like there is more. On whose side is open for discussion.
Or, like so many, he's interpreting it as teasing when its not.
My wife still browses reddit. A recent BORU was a young guy who was convinced his brother's gf wanted to bang him. Everyone told him it was in his head, he went for it anyway....
Now his brother and gf left the family home to get a hotel, and this dumb ass - who only now saw how wrong he was - is left explaining why to the family.
Could be made up, of course. But its incredibly plausible. Lots of guys are dumb AF and either can't pick up on any signals, or interpret everything as a signal.
So I'd personally lean towards the incredibly more likely scenario of her being friendly, and him misinterpreting it.
Lots of guys are dumb AF and either can't pick up on any signals, or interpret everything as a signal.
Don't forget that not every woman is the same. Actions that are signals for one woman aren't signals for another
Exactly this, my former roommate used to flirt with me all of the time, but I knew she wasn't actually into me. It's just how she acts with her friends.
Meanwhile, a coworker that apparently was into me never acted as if she liked me as more than friends, so I treated her as a friend. I had to find out much later from a mutual friend after she assumed I must not have been interested.
For some people, the "obvious signs" aren't signs at all. Other people think they're telegraphing strongly enough to be seen, but aren't.
Also true.
Either way its safe to assume not interested then, not interested now.
since he’s been “screened” by someone else as an acceptable boyfriend.
literal parasite behavior, never do this.
Or if you do don't do it as directly as this lmao.
Isn't this instinct? People usually only notice such things after they're pointed out.
Lmfao. “Very small chance” my fucking ass. This is incredibly common.
Whole-heartedly agree. Sometimes this site makes me feel like I'm dealing with a bunch of fat, young virgins. Yes, you've been screened.
My wife is mad jealous, of every woman. (Her only fault, I can deal.) Wants me to wear my ring more often.
"You know that'll only get me more attraction?"
Yup. It's hard for me to tell at work whether the attention I'm getting is because I'm in a leadership position (people sucking up for promotions and whatnot) or because I'm one of the few married people and thus "safe." Regardless, I set appropriate boundaries and it works out.
It's funny getting middle aged and how the calculus has really changed for me. I get compliments from random women all the time due to facial hair, being bald, and dropping weight. My wife laughs her ass off but does get a tiny bit jealous. That grey in the beard does things.
Feels good, man.
I mean this is really not hard to understand dude. Women often have to deal with dumb asses that take every act of friendliness as an invitation to have sex. So now that she knows that you are in a relationship she feels more comfortable to talk to you because you (hopefully) are now busy being attracted to your gf instead of her and capable of having a conversation with her like a normal person.
The amount of times women told me after a conversation that they appreciate me being just friendly and not hitting on them is kinda worrying. We humans create so many problems for ourselves...
We’re the most intelligent species on the planet and we have the most complicated mating rituals that are constantly evolving through time and across cultures. It’s very frustrating but it is what it is!
You would think with so much intelligence we wouldnt force ourselves onto others that dont want it and would respect them...
Intelligence has nothing to do with morality.
There’s definitely plenty of that sort of behaviour going on. But there’s also plenty of people who are just lonely and prone to misinterpreting signals in a biased way. It’s possible to have compassion for lonely people without excusing bad behaviour.
Emotionally stunted men cannot tell the difference between being friendly and wanting to fuck because that's the only strong positive emotion they were ever truly allowed to feel as kids/teenagers.
It's a huge cultural issue, and we can all thank toxic masculinity and the patriarchy for not allowing boys to have feelings or deep platonic relationships and then growing up to misinterpret any friendly interaction as a romantic advance.
Saying it's just "wanting to fuck" is also toxic masculinity. When someone I'm attracted to is friendly with me I don't imagine us fucking, I imagine cuddling and talking all night and supporting each other. And I've seen women have the same reaction to attractive men talking to them. Physical attraction is obviously part of it but it's not always or even mostly the case, at least in my experience.
hitting on them
Life pro tip, you're probably more likely to find a mate if you're not scaring all the potential mates away. Make friends, and if you enjoy spending time together, ask if they'd be interested in something more formal (e.g. a date).
Nice try but you're not ~~following~~ fooling anyone, AI_toothbrush!
Edit: damn autocorrect
Lol old username i started using before all the ai shit blew up into everyones faces. Also, how do i know youre real 🤨
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Yep. But Anon is clearly one of those guys who put every attractive woman in the "fuck zone," even when she's made her disinterest very clear, AND he's got a girlfriend.
And OOP thinks "normal human interaction" is "massive flirting" just because a woman does it.
So now that she knows that you are in a relationship she feels more comfortable to talk to you because you (hopefully) are now busy being attracted to your gf instead of her and capable of having a conversation with her like a normal person.
classic meme of friendly fire.
we really can't have anything nice, because we always fuck up our own shit lmao.
I love being a human, it's so funny.
Be straight at a gay bar. It's like cheat mode. Works the exact same.
“Social proof” the doe is ok?
Women are more competitive than men
Not really a mystery here, its just hypergamy in action.
OP was invisible before, but now that he has displayed higher social status by attracting a fellow coworker, he has suddenly become more desirable.
Simple as! LOL at these people thinking we're anything more than chimps.