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You don't need an excuse. If you're at a party and no longer want to be there, say "I have to go now, thanks for the great party" to the host and leave
No one cares why you're leaving. I'm probably well on the neurotypical end of the spectrum and I'm usually there first in my friend group to leave a party just because parties are late and I wake early. No one complains unless I'm their lift home and they don't want to leave yet
Aaand now I'm stuck between being incredibly blunt, which I don't like at all, or making up an excuse on the spot (which I suck at)
Better to just make up the excuse beforehand.
It not that hard to say you're tired lol
Yeah but some people (especially at parties) have a hard time to not accept "tiredness" as answer. :/ (Yeah I realize this is primarily a me problem)
Be blunt. You do it twice or thrice and people get the message.
Yeah I have to deal with that back and forth for 30 mins lol
neurotypical end of the spectrum
Not how the spectrum works. There's no "neurotypical" end. Assuming we're talking about autism, the spectrum refers to the diversity and expression of symptoms, rather than a gauge between "no autism" and "full autism".
If you meant you are less debilitated by your autism, then the term is "Level 1", which is just low support needs.
I'm personally a fan of the little wheel where you scale your symptoms (idk if that's the right word) 1-5 because even "neurotypical" people will still probably have a 2 or higher in at least one category
As someone who has developed extreme smell sensitivity due to a disorder, not wanting to be around other people because of the way they smell is something I totally get.
People really do not know what they smell like. And a lot of people do not smell good. Not just because of some lack of bathing either, maybe some other choice, like they really love spicy food and you can smell it on them or they're wearing what they think is an attractive perfume and is definitely not.
In the past, in parties I just left and didn't give a fuck . Period. And if anyone asked me later I said I had a great time but at one point it was enough fun.
I used to do what we called backdooring it as in you just leave without telling anybody. That way you don’t have to deal with all the drunk people saying “come on just stay a bit longer” etc.
It’s called the “Irish Exit”, actually, because we’re all sociopaths and have no time for pleasantries. I assume.
I thought the Irish exit is when you're so drunk you just wander off, coz that's what I used to do hehe.
That sounds like a plausible origin story too. Too drunk for pleasantries.
I still do something similar. Grab my stuff, get ready to go and when I am at the door, I give a "Goodbye everybody" and leave right away.
No time for arguing, just letting people know that I am leaving alive.
In my circle we call this an Irish Goodbye, and it is celebrated.
As me :) hahaha i didn't knew there is a word in english for that
Yeah it’s pretty common in my friend circle.
I could say to Ste “Where did you go last night” and he might say “Aww bro I had to backdoor it me, had enough”.
Tf is meant by "alphabetise something"???
Like organize (alphabetically, but that's not necessary since this is really just a metaphor) something kinda pointless but satisfying like a bookshelf of books or recipes or my assorted drawers of labelled usb cables lol
assorted drawers of labelled usb cables
Tell me more
Thanks 👍
Personally if you tell me you do things because of your astrology bullshit I will hate you much more than if you just say you’re autistic.
You aren't wrong but, I have a feeling you're not among the kind of people that the poster is talking about.
That’s true. You know, I’m not like most people.
I’m
an idiot
Typical Leo
Would you ask any follow up questions about astrology or try to get me to stay?
I might reconsider future invitations
Wait how much would you hate us for saying we’re autistic?!
Not even a little bit. I have zero issues with autistic people. Astrology people, on the other hand…
The key isn't in managing whether people like your or not, the key is in not wasting time with followups. If you say you're on the spectrum, you've started a conversation, if you say you're into astrology, people who believe in it move on and people who don't have done this before and realized that this is not a conversation they want to have.
Hahahaha so true
Honestly as your run-of-the-mill introvert I wouldn't even go to a party
I'll go, but I just hover around the outside the action and watch.
"They don't know I didn't even come to the party and I'm at home playing video games."
Honestly, leave off the overwhelmed and they'll all question whether they shouldn't leave the party too!
It’s insane to me that someone who has trouble socializing would force themselves to go to parties. Maybe it’s something I’m too autistic to understand. Disabilities are suppose to get you out of doing shit. For example I use my epilepsy to never step foot in a club cuz lights. I’m not even photosensitive 😂
Because sometimes I can have a lot of fun if I'm feeling up to it. It just depends on my mood or whatever at the time, I can't really predict or explain it.
The thing is, it can be really hard to accurately assess why you feel an aversion to things, and whether or not that aversion is misplaced. I can come up with scads of seemingly reasonable objections to, for example, going to the gym. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't benefit from it.
Overcoming an innate aversion that you've convinced yourself is a part of who you are can be life-changing.
Life-changing isn't always for the better. Usually it's a lateral move at best.
That sounds like something normal people do.
I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but what the fuck is normal? Nobody's really normal. Even the so-called neurotypical are riddled with undiagnosed disorders. Normalcy is just a social fiction. Don't let it limit your options.
Just tell people you don't like dancing, or karaoke, or whatever enough times and eventually they internalize it. I spent years cultivating a reputation with my friends and now I can just vanish for an hour at any party and nobody bats an eye. Need my "me time". New people sometimes think I'm cold or don't like them but they either learn and that's cool or I don't see them again and it doesn't matter.
For the longest time I would try to push myself out of my comfort zone. I thought eventually my feelings about doing "normal people stuff" would change. They did not.
I felt this in my soul. Never seen anyone else express this so thanks for helping me feel less alone in that department
"Parties" is barely a category, everyone has a different idea of what one should be. There's A LOT of variation. To some people it's sitting around a table playing board games, to others it's about getting drunk and hooking up, and anywhere in between.
Personally I'm AuDHD and I can stans certain types of parties and not others. I actually kinda hate playing board games and prefer going out as long as there's music. Lots of bodies present isn't a problem for me, it's actually the opposite. The worst type of party is one where I'm expected to socialize as the main event.
At work we all sing happy birthday, I hate it when it's my turn