this post was submitted on 19 Nov 2024

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Sleeping out of control, in need of advice (self.parenting)

submitted 2 weeks ago by barcaxavi to c/parenting

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Hey everyone!

Wanted to check in here about our newest struggle, maybe someone can share our pain or even help with some advice.

Our little one just turned 2, the biggest development of the last few weeks is that she's really talkative now. Able to respond to questions, even describing events with some help. Other huge change is that putting her to sleep is getting more and more industrious:

Before, both in the afternoon and in the evening we had the nice ritual of putting blankets and pillows on the floor of her room, turning off the lights, singing some nice songs, maybe telling the tale of her achievements that day, and she went to sleep in ~20 minutes (40 minutes max).
Now, the afternoon sleep is taking more hours sometimes and she doesn't even look sleepy most of the times. And since the afternoon nap is happening later, the night sleep is happening later and slower. And we feel that we cannot push it further more.

We tried a lot of things already in the afternoon (as we're feeling that could be root of the problem for the evening sleep also) for example putting her to the baby carriage for a walk, putting her in one of these carriers on our backs, putting her directly into her bed... Nothing really works, it feels like she just needs us to try at least 2 hours and then she gives up. At least when she sleeps, she really sleeps like a baby, sometimes not even waking up at all for the whole of the evening (that is something that haven't changed).

Have you experienced something like this around 2 years? How did you solve it? Or do you have any other suggestion?

I would appreciate any input from you.

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[–] Im_old 12 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

It may be that she doesn't need an afternoon nap every day anymore. I know it sucks because you were used to have some peace, but they grow up and it was bound to happen. Honestly if she doesn't look tired don't even try. If you make her sleep even if she doesn't need it she'll start pushing back (welcome to "terrible two" age). She'll start hating going to bed even in the evening. When mines started growing at a certain point they were having a nap only on the weekends.

I'd advise against "let's try and see if you need one today without pushing too hard" because she WILL learn that if she just doesn't you'll not push back. You need to judge if she needs one (looks sleepy/extra cranky) and you have to put her to bed (and be firm) or not even try.

It might be that on days she doesn't have a nap she'll need to go to bed a little earlier (like half an hour earlier).

But I strongly suggest you don't make the "you need to sleep" routine a fight or they'll make it hell for you.

[–] newbeni 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

My youngest decided at 18 months that she didn't want a nap anymore. I just rolled with it and never really had any problems with bed time.

[–] barcaxavi 3 points 1 week ago

Thanks, I was not really considering not to have the afternoon sleep. But I guess you're right. Pushing never feels like the good approach.

[–] Mpatch 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Ditch the afternoon nap and try the one nap at around 11 or 12. My two kids gave up the second nap at 1. It end up being just a fight each day. And bedtime would drag on. With one nap now, bedtime starts at 7, and both are asleep by 7 40, at the latest on most days.

[–] barcaxavi 2 points 1 week ago

That's something I was also considering, because there were some days when she already looked a bit sleepy in the morning already. Will be thinking about it, thanks!

[–] ace_garp 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If they are obviously tired, but fighting to stay awake, a short trip in the car usually works in 5-10 minutes. I had a rough bitumen road route all mapped out until it was resurfaced.

I've heard the washer on spin cycle can work, but that is probably for younger ages who can't climb out of a bassinet.

The push to stay awake usually comes from having other people over or some high interest event happening. I black out as many windows as possible and turn off all lights. You can try the same music, prior to bedtime, as a sleep-cue, like a Riff-Raff etc. Try playing a technical monotone podcast or DIY-vid audio, might work.

Sleeping with mum or dad's worn shirts can help, providing a comforting scent etc.

When lying down in the same room, playing a game of "I'm going to get to sleep first" can often start things off on the road to sleepytown.

Good luck zzzz (c:

[–] barcaxavi 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Thanks for the variety of tips. I'll be thinking about how to use them. The car part we already tried and succeeded but trying not to incorporate it too heavy, since I heard that my boss used it so effectively with his kids they didn't want to go to sleep any other way 😀

[–] ace_garp 3 points 1 week ago

I have heard from someone else that it can become an addictive sleep primer.

The other tip I forgot, is that they need to be full of food. If they are very tired/irritable and not going down, offer their 3 favourite foods + some milk. After eating their fill, this should trigger a whole bunch of sleepiness.

[–] Crackhappy 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yes. For three of my kids, they all took naps until they were 5 or 6. However, my youngest, the little bastard, stopped needing them at 2, which was a huge struggle as the daycare needed all the kids to take a nap at the same time (understandable).

Some kids simply don't need it. Every kid is different and you can't really force them to sleep if they don't need to.

[–] barcaxavi 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Thanks for this. Nice to hear at least other parents also struggling with this. Trying to be more considerate on what she needs.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

We've got a 3 year age difference between our two kids. When the eldest stopped needing naps we said that he didn't have to nap but that it WAS quiet time so he could do puzzles or look at a book, or colour.

Obviously your options there are a little limited by the age.

Kind of a side note but:

Kids are expert negotiators/ manipulators, so they will push you to your absolute limit if it gets them what they want. The reason they tantrum is because it gets them what they want. It will take many unsuccessful tantrums before they learn that tantrums don't work. Make the best way for them to get what they want, something other than a tantrum.

I think a reset is in order. I would try a few days with no nap to try to get the night bed time more sane. Then introduce quiet time. Maybe say "I'll read you 3 books, then it's quiet time". They don't need to have their eyes closed, just lie quietly in bed, it doesn't need to be for very long, just introduce it as something that's not a big burden but is non-negotiable.

Good luck, it's not easy.

[–] barcaxavi 1 points 1 week ago

Quiet time sounds reasonable, thanks for the tip. Will try it out for sure.