"Sorry, this job doesn't seem like a good fit or healthy working environment. Have a good rest of your day"
this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2023
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Heβs too Chad to be left alive.
Iβll bring you his pen to prove heβs been dealt with. That will only be $45,000.
It's not even his pen, he stole it from an interviewer!
And then you steal the pen.
I'm an Engineer. I am not customer facing. Put my pen back.
In fact, if a customer accidentally enters your office,you hiss and hide your face in your cowl like an old school vampire being exposed to sunlight.
I hate cold air blowing on me, and I always wear my hoodie inside. So this is accurate.
Hoodies are the most elite form of clothing and I will die on this hill. So adjustable π
take the pen and leave. when they ask for the pen back, say it's $10.
Just cross your arms, smile wryly, and comment on how pathetic the Interviewer's pen is. Cheap material, runny ink, a grip that's painful to hold. Wish him good luck in taking notes on subsequent interviews.
Then lean in, and say "But, you know? I've got a premium writing utensil. It's crafted in the Netherlands by a Space Age engineering firm. It's designed to fit comfortably between your fingers. And the Indian ink that runs through it glistens and glides smoothly through a specially crafted tip."
Pull out a business card with absolutely beautiful handwriting on it. Just as he expresses surprise and interest, sigh and say "But... It's really not for you. It's really more of a thing for your boss, or your boss's boss."
Start getting up to leave, and wait for him to come running after you.
Only downside is that, according to The Game or whatever those idiots are calling their harassment these days, his pen will inevitably want to sleep with you after all that negging
God, that book sucked. I read it out of curiosity, but it was trash.
This pen is mine but Iβll let you borrow it for a month for free.
After a month it will be $5 per use. Or you can choose an $8/month option for an ongoing pen subscription. Think of that, you only need to use the pen TWICE this whole month to have maximized the pen value.
If you need different pens sometimes, for just $11.50/month Iβll get you access to my other two pen colours. These can be booked online using an exclusive, easy to use app.
Again, pen is totally free right now for one whole month so you can just go ahead and start using it. I just need to grab your credit card information to make future borrowing of the pen as convenient as possible for you.
Bullshit that only true bullshitters can spew.
"No, it's mine, go and buy one by yourself"
And now you've got a pen that you didn't have at the start of the interview, and you've given capitalism a lesson of capitalism.
I got my first job at 15 answering this question. I sold cordless (not cellular, cordless) phones at Sears
The "easy" answer to this question is to pick up the pen, then ask the interviewer if they can write something down. They'll look for a pen, which you're holding. You smile, and say, "if you'd like, I have something to assist with that request..." and trail off a bit. Some people will laugh at this joke and it's enough for them to pass the test. Personally, I'm not a fan of this method.
My 15 year old self hadn't heard this question before, so I just picked the pen up and started listing the wonderful qualities of this pen, and how quickly your life would be enhanced if you had it. "It has the deepest of royal blue hues, with a rich writing sensation and smooth flow on the paper. The grip allows for ultimate comfort, so the pen is usable all day long without any soreness in the fingers or hand. It's so well shaped and ergonomical, you can barely feel it in your hand. And with the above-industry-standard sized ink chamber, you'll be able to use this pen far longer than the competition. This pen has both the value and form that the modern consumer has come to expect in their premium pen buying experience."
And so forth. Basically, do sales stuff
I was also asked this question at 15 while being interviewed by the local Sears. I went on to sell shoes though. Cordless phones would have been cool.
"Sell me this pen"
"Okay." *takes pen "Write down your name."
"I need a pen."
"Exactly. Supply and demand."
Isn't the whole idea of the pen sale pitch that you basically have to ignore the pen?
Pen boy : Do not try and sell the pen. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neo : What truth?
Pen boy : There is no pen.
Neo : There is no pen?
Pen boy : Then you'll see, that it is not the pen that sells, it is only yourself.
Yes. As long as the answer doesn't focus on the pen itself then it's a good answer.
Step one: ask what the personβs use case is, then match it. Itβs a standard interview trap to present this βsell this penβ thing as a test where the βpotential customerβ needs to prop up their window or poke a hole in a balloon or something stupid like that, just so they can turn down the people who hype up the writing capabilities. Always ask what they need first.
I sold cars for a year. During the initial onboarding we were asked to "sell a pen" to the trainer.
Everyone jumped right in to selling the qualities of the pen they had in hand.
At the end of the exercise the trainer said, "I'm looking for a pencil".
The point was, don't assume what the customer is looking for. Ask qualifying questions and identify 3-5 hot buttons, then based on what should be knowledge of the inventory and inventory of surrounding dealerships (yeah, they're all connected to some degree), make recommendations that fit their needs.
Then describe all the ways it could fulfill their wants using positive, yes questions. Don't ask a question you don't know the answer to. We were taught that it takes 5-10 Yes responses to offset the negative mental energy from a question asked resulting in a No - so we weren't supposed to mess that up. That was just one of numerous psychological plays we were taught and forced to use or get threatened with being fired or having bonuses taken away.
The whole training series was bullshit. And I say it was bullshit because it sucked playing all these games on people. Yeah, 1/5 of the time it didn't work because they caught on. But the amount of times it actually worked made me feel guilty and sad.
The amount of times you put someone into a car they couldn't afford because you successfully sold them on their wants and not their needs was awful.
I quit near the end of that year because fuck car sales and fuck car dealerships. This was 15 years ago, so who knows what it's like now.
Also, because I assume someone might ask (lol assuming, I fail), this was for a conglomerate that owned 5 used car lots, a Scion lot, a Toyota lot, a Lexus lot, and oddly a Ford & Chevy lot. Last I heard they're just down to a Lexus lot and one used car lot now. Apparently the mortgage bubble and COVID hit them hard. Fine by me.
I did not know this!
"Okay, so let's say you hire me as a senior engineer. I put in a request for a gross of these pens for my office; price 50Β’ apiece; total seventy-two bucks plus shipping and tax. Do you sign off on it?"
If they don't, they fail.
Say we only sell pens on pen island.
I worked with the guy who owned https://www.penisland.net/. He actually made some laser engraved pens and pass them around work. Man, Earthlink Cloud in the late 2000s was a blast.
As a proud citizen of Penisland, this offends me gravely! π€
What the flux do you need a pen for? Now, let me show you these unique single pixel NFTs...
βDonβt need to: youβve already bought it.β
Why would I sell you something you already own? That's obviously your pen, so I don't have the rights to try and sell it. That would be a clear ethical violation.
Governments selling shares in nationalised industries to the public ...
How to Russia
put the pen in your pocket and ask "what pen?"
Fuck you, it's my pen.
I give you 2 dollar if you take this pen.
(Because everyone has too many pens already and wouldn't even want one for $0.01 and I want to get rid of this pen or else have to pay for its recycling)
It's about selling the pen and not making a profit, right?
Ask them if they've ever watched Casino and smile
People buy based on what they want to be. Sell the pen in a way that makes the buyer think this product is the one thing they needed to finally get started on their goals and become the version of themself they built in their heads.
Yup. I call it the Steve Jobs principle. He wasn't selling the hardware. He was selling a vision of success that you could only achieve with his products.
"Do you need a pen?"