this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 127 points 1 month ago (6 children)

You watch anime, not act it out. Thats like watching Looney Tunes and trying to hit everything with a massive mallet πŸ˜‚

[–] SchmidtGenetics 61 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

and what’s wrong with that? Some people could use a good squeaky hammer to the face once in a minute.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (2 children)

That’s the perfect dent on the perfect car for that joke.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Body repair on a budget.

[–] AngryCommieKender 3 points 1 month ago

But where does one find a coyote shaped bollard?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Thats like watching Looney Tunes and trying to hit everything with a massive mallet

If it doesn't works, you need to sharpen your hammer.

[–] Plastic_Ramses 7 points 1 month ago (2 children)

If youre sharpening a hammer, i think you have other issues.

[–] Klear 8 points 1 month ago

Blunt hammer sounds like an issue to me.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

sounds like you don't know how to properly cut things with a hammer

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Ay I'm (on break, but) at work right now hitting everything with a big ol' mallet! I'm just like my childhood heroes, I'm gonna try and access hammerspace!

[–] JusticeForPorygon 3 points 1 month ago

You've clearly never seen Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee in a room together

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)
[–] [email protected] 74 points 1 month ago

Rule 1: be attractive
Rule 2: don't be unattractive

[–] [email protected] 67 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I have a theory that the Naruto run works as a placebo.

Placebo works like a mental buff, you believe more in yourself and perform better.

[–] Warl0k3 35 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

If you watch olympic sprinters, they're bent over to the same extent. I'm pretty drunk so this explanation might suck, but the front-heavy weight distribution that comes with it means its much easier to propell yourself forwards while sprinting.

Of course, you can't hold your arms like that, it was just for ease of animation. But it's not 100% totally and all-consumingly bullshit. Just like. Mostly bullshit.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

Yes, you want to push your mass as horizontally as possible, which will be limited by the grip under your feet. Vertical motion is wasted energy, but if you're full horizontal you'll just slip.

[–] Alk 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The Naruto run is not bullshit, unless you don't believe in the other bullshit in the anime. To get to speeds where wind resistance makes any difference, you need to be running in the ballpark of the fastest running humans are capable of. Not the fastest per se, but the same ballpark. And even then, in the real world, it's only a minimal difference and the Naruto run is far from optimal. To make it necessary you'd have to run faster than any human can, by a very large margin. Maybe even an order of magnitude faster.

However, in the anime, the ninjas ARE able to run that fast. So if you take into account the inhuman basically "magical" abilities of the in-universe runners, it would definitely benefit them to lean forward that much to reduce wind resistance. In many scenes they are moving so fast they will jump between trees for 4-5 seconds of airtime without losing altitude. That's fast. Not only would the Naruto run improve air resistance but it would also prevent you from flailing all over the place when you jump.

So anyway, that's why you should definitely run like Naruto if you are running track in the 7th grade.

[–] Warl0k3 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

This is either completly sincere or next-level trolling, but regardless of which one it is it's absolutely magnificent.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Isn't that how Naruto wins the fights too? He just believes in himself and the power of friendship, so he gets stronger.

So anon is lore accurate

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

yeah but theres also a demon who gives him power in exchange for his soul

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Details details

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

now I'm worried about Anon

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

There was a video I watched years ago that had people run normal, the Naruto run.

Nonathletes were faster Naruto style, athletes were faster normal style.

They broke it down as if you're not used to "controlling" your body for performance, forcing yourself into a weird form forces you to focus more so you don't fall, so you get a bit more effort without realizing it.

[–] lohky 50 points 1 month ago (6 children)

One of my favorite project mates in college was a body builder. After working together for a while, he told me that he had a 2400+ arena rating in World of Warcraft and if I told anyone he'd kill me.

This was in like 2010.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

There seems to be an odd correlation between enjoying grindy MMOs and enjoying grinding away at physical fitness. Incremental gains I guess.

[–] affiliate 13 points 1 month ago (2 children)

hopefully there’s a statue of limitations on this kind of thing or else you still might be in trouble

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

You hear the dull thud of weights hitting a gym mat in the distance.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Yes, Kramer, there's a statue of limitations.

[–] TriflingToad 6 points 1 month ago

the buffest dude in my gym class wears anime shirts. Dude's fucking awesome

[–] Themaskofz 5 points 1 month ago

My body building friend is EXTREMELY happy to talk about his wow life haha

[–] Sylvartas 3 points 1 month ago

Lmao, I also had a jock friend who was ashamed of his very high arena rating (ca. 2017 though)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] lohky 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I ended up playing with him for a while. Nope, he was just fuckin nuts.

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You broke rules 1 & 2

  1. Be attractive
  2. Don't be unattractive
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

An attractive person would still look dorky as fuck doing the Naruto run

[–] EnderMB 29 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm one of those few lucky people that finds it relatively easy to exercise (and be decently good at it), so I was often that weird dweeb that loved DBZ that would win in sports day, score in football games, make the top four consistently in tennis, win the 1500m, etc. I was that weird kid that loved the bleep test, because it was something I was good at.

My experience was very similar in PE. Popular people would get cheered on, I'd dominate them, and it would be met with a mixture of indifference and annoyance that I wasn't unfit like everyone else I hung around with to discuss the intricacies of Neon Genesis Evangelion at lunch time.

[–] SkunkWorkz 22 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

That sounds really weird to me. Nobody cheered when I had PE because nobody gave a fuck. The only cheers you would hear were sarcastic. Nobody gave a fuck since everyone who cared for sports was a member of a sports club outside of school and they’d rather be training at the club than waste time and energy in PE.

[–] allidoislietomyself 8 points 1 month ago

Yeah this was my experience as well. No one cheers anyone on in gym class. In fact I remember getting teased for participating and actually trying on multiple occasions.

[–] maxenmajs 23 points 1 month ago

Anon was not the main character

[–] Alpha71 18 points 1 month ago

Well, first of all he did a Naruto run...

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

I figured out the secret to P.E. in school.

I just didn't go. I skipped almost every gym class from 7th grade to senior year. I was able to talk my way out of getting an F somehow so I never got held back or anything despite literally never going for years at a time.

[–] FinishingDutch 5 points 1 month ago

Yep. Same here. I’ve got a visual disability, which means I just can’t do things like ball sports. Which was all the PE teacher was really interested in doing. That and the cooper test. I also just don’t like sports in general. The teacher clearly wasn’t interested in trying to find something that worked with my disability.

Year one in high school, I stopped going three months in. Because it obviously wasn’t going to improve.

I basically took that hour to do homework, which was a much more productive use of my time.

Three years later we got a halfway decent PE teacher who was actually willing to at least TRY and accommodate my disability. Hand painted ping pong balls with a bright yellow marker to get me to try that, bought some new colored balls, etc. While it still wasn’t my thing, I was at least willing to try it since he put in the effort. We got along fine because of it.

As an adult though: I don’t do sports and it doesn’t interest me in the slightest.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

But why? Are you also not doing sports in your free time?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Because I'm akward AF and have absolutely no hand-eye coordination. I dont believe in hell but if there is one its a never ending PE class for me. I always got picked last on every team I'd ever been on and the kids made fun of me.

Let me tell you a story, one that I don't like sharing IRL.

One time my pe teacher started getting on my case about attendance again, so I decided to go (big mistake).

That day we were doing indoor sports and I had to do baseball. It was my turn at bat; swing one, two, three, I'm out, or so I thought. Then the teacher said the most cruel words I can remember in high school, "no outs. Keep swinging". So there I stood, desperately trying to hit the fucking ball. Swing ten, swing fifteen. The whole class was laughing at me. Swing thirty, swing thirty five. "Come on its the same fucking pitch hit the ball loser". Swing forty, swing sixty. Then finally, mercifully, I managed to somehow bunt the ball. I tried to just walk away but the teacher made me go to first base. I walked to first base basically in tears where they promptly tagged me with the ball and I walked off the field.

I think he didn't want me to feel bad for striking out but it was so much worse. I didn't go back to gym after that and the teacher never said anything again.

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[–] M137 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

be me
weeb

That's where you went wrong, being a weeb is nothing other than shameful and you should feel bad for being one.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Watch Golden Boy, that'll cheer ya right up lmao.

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