this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2024
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[–] [email protected] 55 points 2 months ago (5 children)

@The_Picard_Maneuver
Does that really count as cheese, though?

[–] disguy_ovahea 44 points 2 months ago (2 children)

No, it does not.

The FDA calls it “pasteurized processed American cheese food.” In order for a food product to be a true “cheese,” it has to be more than half cheese, which is technically pressed curds of milk. So each Kraft American single contains less than 51% curds, which means it doesn't meet the FDA's standard.

https://www.tasteofhome.com/article/what-is-american-cheese-is-american-real-cheese/

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Now I wonder what is the absolute bare minimum percentage of cheese would be needed to even be considered Pasteurized processed American cheese food.

Let's get it a new category so that it's about as much cheese is to cheese as Tang is to orange juice.

[–] disguy_ovahea 13 points 2 months ago

0%. Easy Cheese contains whey, milk protein solids, and cheese cultures, which are related to cheese, but not actual cheese curds.

https://www.ewg.org/foodscores/products/044000045524-EasyCheesePasteurizedCheeseSnackAmerican/

[–] samus12345 6 points 2 months ago

"Do they have Krusty partially gelatinated non-dairy gum-based beverages?"

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver 30 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'd use that as a bookmark instead of food too.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart 10 points 2 months ago (2 children)

A slice of that with some good cheese gives you the proper flavor and the right melt in a grilled cheese sandwich and I will die on this hill.

[–] disguy_ovahea 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Two-cheese blended grilled cheese is the best, but swap out the American cheese for Gruyère.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Muenster has a great texture for melts then you can pick whatever other cheese for flavor.

[–] disguy_ovahea 2 points 2 months ago

It absolutely does, and I can’t believe I haven’t tried it yet. Thanks for the suggestion!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Just cover the pan and pretty much any cheese will do. I use pure cheddar in ours, which sucks at melting, and I can get the grilled cheese completely melty and the bread properly toasted.

Just make sure to eat it before it cools, otherwise it gets chewy.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart 4 points 2 months ago

The calcium-sequestering agent found in processed cheese makes it melt real good like.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago

Legally in the US, no. It is not cheese. That why they sell them as Kraft "singles".

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Depends where you draw the line and the exact product. American cheese is just cheddar cheese, milk, and an emulsifier. The ratio of cheese to milk usually classifies it as "not cheese" but it's still actual cheese and milk. You can make American style cheese with all kinds of different cheeses, too, we just mostly do it with cheddar or a cheddar colby blend

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Heat a little bit of milk, throw in a little sodium citrate (I think it's like 1/2 a teaspoon per pound), stir until dissolved, cut or shred a big block of cheese up, melt that in, and you get magic cheese that tastes the same (it takes very little milk to make it work) but melts and remelts without issue. Instead of a bechamel where the oils separate out if you don't mix every 30 seconds to reheat it, you can just nuke the hell out of it in the microwave with no issue.

[–] Fosheze 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It is literally just cheese with added water to make it more gooey.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

@Fosheze
Don't forget the citric acid! If you don't include the citric acid, the water doesn't go into the cheese right.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] The_Picard_Maneuver 27 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] FilthyShrooms 41 points 2 months ago (1 children)

IF YOU DONT HAVE A BOOKMARK, TRY USING KETCHUP INSTEAD

[–] RememberTheApollo_ 39 points 2 months ago (1 children)

“Actual cheese” this is not.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago
[–] norimee 28 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

I volunteer at my library sorting returned books once a week. People leave all kind of weird things in books. The weirdest I found so far, was a fresh lettuce leaf.

[–] Dud 5 points 2 months ago

Did you use it in a knowledge salad since it was fresh?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

To be fair, as far as foodstuffs-for-bookmarks go, I think a plastic cheese slice must be one of the best.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure that's the best possible answer.

I'd be interested to see what other foods could reasonably be used as bookmarks.

Must be:
a) Flat enough to be a bookmark b) Leave as little residue as possible

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

I'd thought about those dry seaweed sheets, but too brittle I think - and maybe oily. Dried lasagne; but that's not really in its ready to eat form. I thnik you should be able to be able take a bite while reading without too much palaver.

That's the main flaw with the ricepaper for me - and those plastic-"cheese" things - not very rewarding to eat.

[–] Restaldt 16 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Bookmark? What for?

Just rip each page out once your done reading. Duh

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

I also rip out the next page so I don’t forget.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I use a condom as a bookmark.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

At least old faithful is getting some use after all these years!

[–] Pregnenolone 4 points 2 months ago

I can only guess where you hang it while you’re reading.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

My wife still laughs about the hot dog that she found in a skinny children's book. And she found it that way in the stacks.