fakeman_pretendname

joined 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago

"Hmm...", said the sword, quizzically. "The scriptures on those are a little vague in the translation the Blacksmith had".

The sword paused for a moment to think, its metal shifting subtly in a manner which could vaguely be described as coy.

"Maybe...", stuttered the sword, "you could show me what that means".

[–] [email protected] 22 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

"Hahaha!", said the sword. "I will twist your mind until you're wearing mixed fabrics, having pre-marital sex, and using the Lord's name in vain!", it cackled.

"I'll even make you skip church on the sabbath!".

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure that's the best possible answer.

I'd be interested to see what other foods could reasonably be used as bookmarks.

Must be:
a) Flat enough to be a bookmark b) Leave as little residue as possible

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 day ago (3 children)

To be fair, as far as foodstuffs-for-bookmarks go, I think a plastic cheese slice must be one of the best.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 days ago

Ronnie who? Never heard of you.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

I miss lovely, earthy, warm, friendly chocolatey Brownbuntu.

I always felt purplebuntu was a bit vile.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

That's a sneaky way to get around the copy protection scheme from Sid Meier's "Pirates! Gold".

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

"The Eight" provisional list #1

  1. Facebook
  2. Apple
  3. Google
  4. Elon Musk
  5. The Oil Industry
  6. The people that Putin has incriminating blackmail videos of
  7. The immortal demon priest and spirit of evil, Mumm-Ra (currently using the name "Rupert Murdoch")
  8. The Lizard People that David Icke warned us about

The list seems very incomplete, so I reckon there's more than eight involved - but maybe the first four are all just puppets for the "Ask Jeeves" guy?

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 week ago

That set of pictures is a pretty good lesson in how news photography works.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

As far as I'm aware, in English, the punctuation goes outside the quotes, unless it's part of the original quote.

In American, the punctuation goes inside the quotes, even if it's not part of the sentence being quoted.

I'm unsure of the habits of other English-speaking countries.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Depends where you live in the country - but this looks about right for where I live. The portions aren't small, either.

The battered fish tend to be quite expensive, but otherwise the fish & chip shop is literally "cheap as chips".

It's a bit of an anomaly though - most other hot food places are more expensive, and you can even spend £2-3 on a small pre-packaged triangular sandwich from a supermarket.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

You'd think some of the other teachers would step in to defend him/her.

 

"If Michael Gove really wants to root out the forces threatening British society, perhaps his party should look in the mirror"

 

There's a man on my train this morning, and he's listening to stuff out loud on his phone, like fully out loud, not even slightly subtle. The train is in Britain. He keeps listening to 5 seconds of an annoying song, then switching to another song. It sort of sounds like kids TV music. He appears dressed to go work in a fancy office or something, and this is a morning commuter train, so I don't think he's escaped from a prison or mental hospital.

Anyway, amongst myself and another couple of hundred quiet passengers, we've tried everything:

  • tutting and rolling our eyes
  • harrumphing, whingeing and sighing
  • when a bloke got on the train with headphones on, someone said loudly "Isn't it great when someone wears headphones? They can listen to whatever they like and nobody else has to hear it"
  • sometimes it stops for a minute, and there's a widespread muttering of "Ooh, thank god that's over with"
  • followed by an en-masse groan when it starts again "Oh no, not this again!"
  • a lady on the phone saying loudly "Sorry, I can't hear what you're saying, because someone is being inconsiderate and playing music really loudly"
  • saying to one another, loudly enough for the man to hear "isn't it annoying when someone plays their music out loud? I wish he'd stop doing that"
  • muttering aggressive words, under our breath, in his general direction "prick", "wanker" "knobhead", "bellend"
  • Someone getting onto the train, and not sitting at his table and saying "God, I'd rather stand than sit next to that prick", loud enough for him to hear.
  • the ticket-checking man rolled his eyes, but didn't do anything

I think generally we're running out of ideas. I heard someone behind me mentioning they were thinking about "sparking him out", and someone else had suggested they might grab his phone and throw it out the window.

I was toying with the idea of going nuclear on him, and directly but politely asking him to turn it down, but it's a bit early for that kind of extreme behaviour. Perhaps I should throw something at his head?

Anyway, anyone who's been in a similar situation have any suggestions?

[Update] The train got full, so people were standing all the way down the aisle. Three people sat on the table next to him.

Opposite him, an older woman stared at him and shook her head at him, in a gesture I interpreted as "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed". He put his phone in his pocket and stared out the window. I gave her the subtlest of nods, to communicate "thank you" and "good job".

So we're safe, this time - but I'm still interested in solutions, as something like this could happen again!

 

My son says it means taking out the player without getting the ball, all while shouting ‘Brexit means Brexit’. Sound familiar?

For the umpteenth time, my son, with an Ikea stuffed ball he has had since infancy, is playing football in the living room. He is joined by one of his best friends, an equally football-obsessed 10-year-old who, before slide-tackling in what can only be described as a deliberate attempt to knock my son’s legs off, shouts: “Brexit means Brexit!” Confused, I pass it off as an example of tweenage precocity: which 10-year-old is happy to quote Theresa May while playing football?

I must admit, this gives me some hope for the future.

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submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

"Singer whose idiosyncratic performances helped the German band Can stretch the limits of experimental rock"

Saw him sing/speak/make noise at a 2 hour long improv set in a small gig venue in Yorkshire about 10-20 years ago, supported by a handful of local improv musicians.

After they finished the set, he individually thanked (and optionally hugged) every single audience member.

 

Cats Protection UK Website - National Black Cat Day

I include a complementary picture of a black cat in a carrier bag.

 

Three cats spread over the stairs, staring at the camera person, blocking access to the upstairs. (Actually they're just waiting for someone to throw the fuzzy ball for them to chase).

 

Photo is from about a year ago, when the cats learnt that as well as "on the bed" and "under the duvet", if you explored the area where the buttons were, there was also "inside the duvet cover".

 

Three cat brothers, sat neatly on a staircase, Jan 2023. This is probably my favourite photo of the three of them together.

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