Don't we have an OffMyChest sub or something? YSK and TIL should be about factual and verified info, not personal experiences...
this post was submitted on 18 Jul 2023
155 points (78.2% liked)
You Should Know
33479 readers
272 users here now
YSK - for all the things that can make your life easier!
The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:
Rules (interactive)
Rule 1- All posts must begin with YSK.
All posts must begin with YSK. If you're a Mastodon user, then include YSK after @youshouldknow. This is a community to share tips and tricks that will help you improve your life.
Rule 2- Your post body text must include the reason "Why" YSK:
**In your post's text body, you must include the reason "Why" YSK: It’s helpful for readability, and informs readers about the importance of the content. **
Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.
Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.
Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.
That's it.
Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.
Posts and comments which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.
Rule 6- Regarding non-YSK posts.
Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-YSK posts using the [META] tag on your post title.
Rule 7- You can't harass or disturb other members.
If you harass or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.
If you are a member, sympathizer or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.
For further explanation, clarification and feedback about this rule, you may follow this link.
Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.
Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.
Let everyone have their own content.
Rule 10- The majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.
Unless included in our Whitelist for Bots, your bot will not be allowed to participate in this community. To have your bot whitelisted, please contact the moderators for a short review.
Partnered Communities:
You can view our partnered communities list by following this link. To partner with our community and be included, you are free to message the moderators or comment on a pinned post.
Community Moderation
For inquiry on becoming a moderator of this community, you may comment on the pinned post of the time, or simply shoot a message to the current moderators.
Credits
Our icon(masterpiece) was made by @clen15!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Agree, OPs experience sucks and it’s good perspective but YSK should be focused on facts.
Aaaand now !goodoffmychest exists. I am not intending to squat on this, so I'll set the foundation and people can talk to me if they want to become mods. <3
My mom was a foster parent for troubled kids. She did it for 20 years. Over 100 kids ended either being able to return home, or found perm adoption. However, in the end, one kid broke her, and she nearly didn't come back from it. This kid had a horrible life, abused, physically and sexually for over 10 years by his father and mother both. He got arrested when he tried to touch a 6 year old at his school. When they took him into custody, they put him in a juvi unit with kids 5+ years older then him. He spent 2 years there before he was placed with my mom. He would punch, bite, kick, spit, scratch. Break things, scream, yell, shout, and anything else he could do to try and get a reaction. She lasted just over a year, but when he punched my 3 month old niece, my mom had to physically get between him and my brother who probably would have killed him, no exaggeration. She called and had him picked up by the foster care center she worked for. He screamed at her that like everyone else in his life, she abandoned him. They took him away and she quit the next day. A few years after my mother passed away, I saw on the news that he was killed in a gang related conflict. I'm glad she didn't have to deal with that knowledge. It took a long time for us to convince her that she wasn't the one who failed that kid, life just dealt them a shitty hand and they didn't play the cards they had been dealt right.
I'll be honest it really pissed me off that he wasn't arrested and jail for punching an infant. If I was your uncle I don't know if your mom could have held me back.
Kid was completely broken, he needed care for his mental health, not jail. I understand it's not always available though.
I've known a lot of people in rough situations in my life, lots of people who needed help and mental health care, but I've never met someone who at any point in their life thought it was ok to punch an infant.
A lot of the kids in that foster syatem are there because people in their lives thought it was ok to hit an infant.
I completely agree. I firmly believe his life would have been very different if he had been put in a mental care facility rather then Juvi with kids that were double his age in some cases.
Was the infant alright? AHT is no joke
Yea, she was fine, had a small bruise on her head for a week or so, but she recoverd quickly.
With very rare exceptions, fostering is hard AF. It's hard on you, it's hard on your kids, it hard on your family, it's hard on the fosters. YSaK that there is a disorder called Reactive Attachment Disorder where kids will lie, cheat, steal when they feel like they're getting emotionally invested in the new family arrangement to sabotage the situation. There's a lot of stuff they don't tell you when you enter the system to try to help.
Didn’t expect to see something so deep on YSK, but you’re not wrong, Sorry to be hear it didn’t work out. You are heroes for trying in the first place. Not every kid is a fit for every family. You gave it a shot which is more than a lot of other people do. Thanks for that, you’re a kind family.
Signed,
A ward of state, who was adopted by a family member.
Prior to transferring state agencies, I worked for my state's child welfare department. Sadly, your story is not an uncommon one where the foster parents do their very best, but the foster child ends up creating a toxic environment. You did the best you could, OP. Your heart was in the right place. We try but we cannot always save the world.
True. However good on you guys for stepping up to the plate and at least attempting to be there for your family member. It sucks that sometimes you aren't equipped to deal with the situation, whatever it was, but you have to look out for your own kids first here.
I work in juvenile services. Thank you for doing what you do.