this post was submitted on 25 May 2024
51 points (100.0% liked)

Transfem

3184 readers
15 users here now

A community for transfeminine people and experiences.

This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.

Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.

Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.

To make such a request, at the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the this: [Requesting Engagement from _________]

Some helpful links:

Support Hotlines:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

I think part of my hopelessness is that I am realizing hrt has not done anything to my face, I figured this out since I am still pretty recognizable. the only thing hrt has done for me is give me boobs, which usually results in hey dead name, you should loose some weight when i am recognized in public. I just feel hopeless and I want this nightmare to end.

all 14 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think you need to come out to those people. It's scary, and in the immediate-term very bad, but after that... you get recognition. Not being recognized as yourself suuuuucks.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

This helped my friend so much. She finally told me and a few other people what was going on, and we all kind of went “oh, (dead name), wait. No. What’s your new/real/we don’t know what to say name?”, and we had a conversation about it all.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

facial feminization surgery can be very effective but it costs money (like many quality of life things)

[–] AuroraZzz 13 points 1 month ago

I have some experience in this area. Here is my advice. Get laser for any facial hair. Learn how to do makeup(esp if you are worried about jawline, etc) and dress for your body. Practice yoga and mindfulness. Find a supportive female/trans friend to help you grow and give you criticism on your look.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Are you out to these people? I don't know how long you've been on HRT, or at what age you started, but if you've been on HRT a bit there have to have been some changes.

It can be hard for people to notice differences, unless you point them out, and if you're boymoding then people (not to be too assumptive, but I'm guessing your male friends?) probably won't pick up on any feminine energy you're radiating ;).

As for their comments about your weight, I'm so sorry that you have to hear that because it can be so discouraging during tough points in your life. That said, keeping with the assumption thess friends are men, keep in mind that a lot of male socialization revolves around the concept of the "burn," and they might not be intending to be as hurtful as they are.

Taking my experiences coming out as bisexual (and trans, to some people) into consideration, I believe that people can't surprise you unless you give them a chance. Some will be as you expected, but you will always be surprised.

I hope your experience gets better soon, much love <3

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Ive been on hrt for nearly 3 years now

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

It fucking blows but, honestly, I just never take off my KN95 mask in public... It seems to mostly keeps me from being misgendered (on top of also just being a good idea, of course). I'm never gonna afford FFS, and because of electrolysis I'm not even allowed to shave for like half of every week, so masks being socially acceptable has been a lifesaver for me in more ways than one. Would that help for you too?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

the people who know you are not going to start addressing you differently unless you come out to them and they're respectful.

[–] TotallynotJessica 1 points 2 weeks ago

From what I remember about your face, you look androgynous at worst, with makeup and styling easily taking you the rest of the way.

Transitioning makes it possible to love yourself, but you still need to dispel the self hatred like everyone else. It's a struggle for cis people, so of course transition isn't going to automatically fix that problem. You still need to recognize that your life is worth fighting for. You deserve to be loved, especially by yourself.

We can't just take a medication to escape our shame. The right hormones will only open the gate, but you must surrender the comforting assumption that you're inherently a piece of shit. Your appearance is hopeless in your mind, and will remain that way as long as you believe it. Self judgments are not more accurate by virtue of being negative.

I'm not invalidating your fears, but I am invalidating your hate. You don't deserve it and it does not help you. Critiques made out of love can drive improvement, but not mental self harm.