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Me, explaining Easter to my wife, who grew up amongst the heathens (dmv.social)

submitted 7 months ago by [email protected] to c/starwarsmemes

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[–] [email protected] 59 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (9 children)

You know Osiris? Kind of like that, but it's in Israel instead of Egypt, and there's only one God, who has two different forms, one in heaven but also is a dude down on earth, until eventually it's revealed he has three different forms not just two. Also unlike with Egypt, a significant lack of animal heads, all just like normal human heads. Except the holy spirit who's like a ghost or something. Nailed it.

Wait you don't know Osiris? Crap, let's talk Quetzalcóatl then. So he's like this giant snake with feathers...

[–] agent_flounder 15 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Remember Star Trek III...?

[–] FlyingSquid 2 points 7 months ago

I try not to.

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[–] MrJameGumb 27 points 7 months ago (3 children)

"right, so he comes back to life after 3 days... I guess its kind of like in one of those zombie movies you like so much? But then there's a bunny too you see, and he gives out chocolate and jelly beans. No, there wasn't any chocolate or jelly beans in the Bible. Nor any bunnies either... The bunny is actually from an older thing from pre Christianity but we just kinda added it in afterwards. Yeah that happens a lot. Does it all make sense to you now?"

[–] punkwalrus 24 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That doesn't even cover the issues of explaining how they figure out what DAY it is every year.

"Okay, so they start by figuring out when the Earth has the most direct sun on the the Tropic of Cancer... no, not the disease, a giant crab... it's a line of latitude approximately 23°27′ north of Earth's Equator, right? Yes, there's math. Anyway, the take the day the sun is strongest and weakest, called the solstices, and ... the solstices... It doesn't matter, It mattered for agriculture back then, especially when spring and fall were, which are the calendar dates in between them, yeah? So the spring equinox ,., that's what they call the 'in between solstices,' equinox... which is March 21st or 22nd or something. What? No no, I am explaining how they figure out when easter is. I haven't forgotten. So now we know when the spring equinox is, so now we look at a chart of the moon, and figure out when it is full. Full. No, not 'full of what?' it's full meaning that you can see all of in the sky. Well one half of it, actually. The sunlit half, but it's FACING us, see... The sun lights up and it shows as a circle instead of a crescent or something. Moving on, they look at the FIRST Sunday AFTER the FIRST full moon that occurs on or after the spring equinox. Except if the full moon falls on a Sunday, then Easter is the next Sunday. Why? Well, St. Bede the Venerable, the 6th-century author of Historia ecclesiastica gentis Anglorum ('Ecclesiastical History of the English People'), maintains that the English word 'Easter' comes from Eostre, or Eostrae, the Anglo-Saxon goddess of spring and fertility. That's where the Spring Equinox comes in. NO I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!"

[–] Oneobi 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That seems like an interesting coding question!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

There's probably a table of the next thousand easters you can use though

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[–] bitchkat 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I've always assumed that Scotty beamed him up to the ship where he spent 3 days in medical having Bones fix him before they beamed him back down.

[–] MrJameGumb 1 points 7 months ago

That seems like a reasonable explanation

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

right, so he comes back to life after 3 days...

I never understood how Friday to Sunday is 3 days. There's one full day between them.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I believe the prophecy was “on the third day He will rise again” not after 3 days.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (4 children)

Me, a heathen, explaining how my family does Easter to my Jewish wife:

"We dye eggs and hide them then eat a bunch of chocolate and jellybeans."

"Wtf? Why"

"I dunno"

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[–] GladiusB 13 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I just refer to him as zombie Jesus and call it a day.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

I thought he was more of a revenant.

[–] FlyingSquid 12 points 7 months ago (3 children)

My family is Jewish and I've always been an atheist. My wife is also an atheist, but grew up in a Christian family. I've always felt uncomfortable going over to her house for religious holidays. Most of the Jesus talk is done at the pre-meal prayer, but that part makes me feel super uncomfortable.

But like Easter and Christmas, despite the fact that they've always been completely welcoming and non-judgmental to me, I just feel like a total outsider. Even after almost 24 years of marriage I don't feel used to it. I don't even feel comfortable with a Christmas tree in the house, but I don't fight it.

[–] Graymouzer 6 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Christmas trees predate Christmas.

[–] FlyingSquid 4 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Okay? That doesn't make it less uncomfortable for me since I didn't have them for the first two decades of my life and they're a Christian thing now.

Lots of things that Christians have adopted predate their religion. Like the entire Old Testament.

[–] Sweetpeaches69 3 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I don't know if I would say Christmas trees are necessarily Christian. Myself and all of my friends have Christmas trees up, and half of us grew up in non-religious households.

[–] FlyingSquid 2 points 7 months ago

"Christ" is literally in the name. They can be secular, but it is taking something that was a religious symbol for a very long time and making it secular.

My name is from the Bible. Most people don't realize that. Plenty of atheists have that name including at least one very prominent one. That doesn't make me dislike that fact any less and it absolutely informed our decision not to give our daughter a religious name.

Also, while it does happen, very few people who do not come from families that were at least Christian in the relatively recent past generally don't have Christmas trees. At least not in the U.S.

I've known Jews and Muslims who do it, but they are rare and often, like me, married to someone with a Christian background. At least here in the U.S.

I'm not criticizing people who celebrate it, but I can't control what makes me uncomfortable. Coming to something common as a complete outsider for the first 20 years of your life can make things very uncomfortable. Imagine if everyone around you celebrated Ramadan. You might eat during the day, but you'll probably do so being totally aware that you're an "other" if you do it. But if you fast like everyone else after not doing it your entire childhood, you might find it very uncomfortable. (Psychologically, I mean. The physical discomfort of fasting is a separate matter.)

We didn't do Christmas. No Christmas trees, no wreaths, no Santa, no carols, nothing. And, of course, that meant that other kids bullied me because of it. Which only made me feel even more like an outsider. I'm not going to say why, it involves severe bullying, violence and antisemitism, but the one Christmas thing I cannot tolerate in my house is the song Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. It literally hurts to listen to. When kids bully you and include a Christmas carol in the bullying, that alone can make Christmas uncomfortable.

Like I said, no criticism for people who celebrate it. I even celebrate it now because of my wife and daughter. But I don't enjoy it. It's a sense of duty. If I were single, I would ignore both Christmas and Easter.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

This post is a tongue and cheek comparison of how capitalism has eaten Christian holidays, and how resurrection is handled in fiction.

I was raised in an authoritarian Christian environment, but on the plus side I am actually able to dissect a lot of popular fiction for my wife who was not raised with this burden. It turns out it's actually sort of hard to understand certain metaphors, symbols and short hand if both your parents are sarcastic atheists.

[–] FlyingSquid 3 points 7 months ago

I realize that. This is pretty much off-topic, so I'll stop discussing it.

[–] Anticorp 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That's interesting that you feel so out of place. I dated a Jewish woman for a little while and went to synagogue with her for Shabbat, and spent a couple holidays with her family. It all felt comfortable to me. I suppose maybe it's more natural for a Christian to participate in Jewish holidays than it is for a Jew to participate in Christian holidays. Judaism is basically half of Christianity, whereas Christianity is something completely separate to the Jewish. Rather, Christianity is something the Jewish have directly stated they don't believe the basis for. Does that sound accurate to you?

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Just refer her to the "hero's journey" entry on Wikipedia?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I'm not too familiar with it, but does it really work? I feel like just the first point, ordinary world, has some huge issues

The hero begins in a situation of normality from which some information is received that acts as a call to head off into the unknown

I think Jesus was always seen as special, even before birth. If we go with the Biblical story I mean

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

It's just another myth that describes a mythical hero on their journey. It's too easy to take everything too literally, or too metaphorically. I use a lot of judeochristian metaphors, allegories, etc, but I imagine if I'd been raised Buddhist, I'd use a lot of Buddhist metaphors, or any other religion. I'm aware a lot of people will take offense to that, and that's not my intent. Imo, getting hung up on the veracity misses the point the story is trying to make, in the first place. Imo, that's what the "ears to hear, eyes to see" metaphor means.

[–] Gabu 3 points 7 months ago

Jesus is more of an isekai protagonist than a classic hero.

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