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Have you analyzed what about job hunting specifically is giving you anxiety? EG is it a fear of rejection, something about compiling your life onto a CV, something else I can't think of?
I don't think any advice will be helpful unless you can identify what it is that is causing the anxiety.
I think it's about how perfect and unique each application has to be. But there is only so much variation I can make.
I also think it's about the bureaucracy itself, if something goes wrong I should have known. Always. because we don't have civil service liability (as I understand it).
It's like this whole thing gives me anxiety.
So it sounds like maybe your issues are a) needing to challenge your mental rules about the effort that is/isn't required for the application and b) accepting things that are outside of your control.
For your first issue, why does every application have to be perfect and unique? Yes the general recommendation is to tailor your resume/CV for each role, but if that is causing you so much stress you can't even apply then don't. Maybe it would be better to come up with a template you can use for each application. For instance if you are applying for are cashier, server, and front desk type roles maybe you just have a template for each of those roles that you can shoot off when you come across a job that you want to apply for. Don't let perfection be the enemy of good.
For the second one, that's tough. At the end of the day you really have to accept that you can't predict everything. Sometimes things just don't work out, and the best you can do is use it as a learning experience for the next time. If you can't manage this on your own with your anxiety, then I second @fodderoh's suggestion for seeking out a therapist.
I've been told multiple times things like:
Side note: For a while, I had a red panda drawn on my cv in a desperate attempt to be unique, I was quite proud and everyone said it was good. A few years later I think it's ugly af and I even feel a bit of shame for using it. It feels like everyone lied about it looking good.
I hope the second one will calm down as I get used to being in this system and I know how it will be. I'm having a "start-up" meeting next week.
I wonder if some of your issue is that you are taking the standard advice beyond what is intended. I'm not sure if this will help or hurt with your anxiety issues, but you might want to look up the Ask a Manager blog. She has lots of great resources around developing a good resume, cover letter, and interview tips. Especially in terms of the examples she provides which could be helpful for you to process how to make yourself stand out in a good way.
Best of luck with your meeting next week!
I've been reading that blog for a few days now and wow, it's really good. I like how she explains really in depth.
This blog post really hit me, this is exactly how it has been like all the I've been job hunting.
I'm so glad it's helping you! Alison (the author of the blog) is an incredible resource.
40-50% seems high, even for a 28yo, but I don't know your situation. I find job hunting to be horrific, despite always doing well in interviews.
The reason I do well is because I target the job I want, then mask and overprepare like an absolute psychopath for however long it takes .. so I wouldn't necessarily recommend that.
I'm mostly on the other side of the desk these days, and interviewing other people has revealed a lot about the process. One thing I learned (about senior-level knowledge workers, at least) is that people are often looking for a good fit as much as a person's capability.
I don't know what industry you're in, I've been in frontend development and now UX design, and many designers fail to demonstrate soft skills - flexibility of process, communication, emotional intelligence, etc. That doesn't make up for everything, and some ND individuals find that very hard, but it can be learned.
My point is, I've seen many good people miss out because they misjudge how they're being assessed.
I think I where unemployed so much because I used to be so insecure thinking things like "I have nothing to give this company" I acted like I was sorry for breathing the same air as others and I've been scared to say my wants and needs or almost anything at all because I never knew when I would be scolded. (it's a bit more complex than that, but that's a story for another time)
So I've always agreed to those around me and followed along.
But not anymore, after I moved away from home and later got my autism diagnosis, I'm much much better at everything tbh.
I am a frontend dev now, previously I was an electrician (never got a job as that) and a forklift driver, I do have some experience with that.
I like to think my softskills are fairy good but it might take some more time for a NT to see them as I express them in a different way and usually not as obvious. I think.
People don't often give clear answers when asking about these things.
I've been thinking about asking to have the interview (or part of it) outside their office, like, if we take a walk or something just to get out of that stiff and understimulating room.
What has worked for me and may or may not help you (also lived in Sweden) is that I write down questions to ask and I go through them multiple times. I also write down questions I think they will ask and then answer them in a very thoughtful way so I can later deliver them in a shorter version but till get a across what I want. I also bring the notebook with me so I can read them at the interview or take notes. Taking notes are great if they have a multiple stages kind of interviews.
Also I put myself in the mind set of "this interview is for me and them to get to know each other and get a feeling if this is for me". That kinda removes a lot of the stress. I am there for me and my self and here to interview them as much as they are there to interview me. Also many first check the personality, my current job told me later that after the interview they ask everyone "would I like to hang out with this person". Many good bosses have said "personality can't or is hard to change and knowledge and experience is something you can easily obtain".
So you should also try to see if the workplace you try to be hired as is even a nice place for you to be at. I have so far liked small companies the best with 20 to 50 employees.
I have been on the other side of the table to (not in the room but helped my coworkers and asked them questions about the interview afterwards) and a lot of them are just as nervous or unprepared as the one seeking the job.
My dad told me that he thinks like this when he is holding a meeting for higher ups "they all shit in the same bathroom as me today". I don't know if that helps but it is kinda the same things as I what I tried to say above. Good luck! :D
Can’t give you much career advice because not sure about industry and don’t know what could be happening in your interview.
For mental health, my advice is not put yourself down in spite of the rejections. Easier said than done I know. Humans want to be accepted and rejection deteriorates our self-confidence. It’s understandable your mental health will be affected.
With that said, anxiety and worry won’t help you ace these interviews rather it would make you feel powerless. Anxiety is like self-protection and we may try to protect ourselves from disappointment and disaster. What the main focus would be is to prepare for these interviews, and try not to expect you got the job. Don’t even think about what ifs. After the interview, move on to the next job application. Try to keep your mind busy. This mindset takes practice for people who give a shit basically.
This worked for me, maybe it can work for you: Try applying to places you're not worried about losing a job at, and then working your way up to the job you want. I know it sounds silly, but try walmart or mcdonald's for a little bit, keep reminding yourself it's not that serious, it's just money in your pocket. Hopefully that helps. Little steps still move you forward. I struggle with the same thing. Sending positive vibes.
It's not silly, not at all.
I don't think I can take jobs at those places tho, the tempo is way to high and the environment is way to overstimulating. A grocerystore could work if I get to do it in a slower pace and take breaks often and/or wear noicecanceling headphones.
Thank you tho <3
they all give the same default answer
Which is?
Knowing what you've been told before will help to make sure we don't just give you the same advice you've already gotten
Regardless, have you considered finding a therapist? A professional may be more effective at helping you to work through this anxiety.
The default answer is shallow-ish answers on how to write a CV or personal letter or how to act during an interview. Even when I ask for more details they just repeat the same stuff.
It's like googling "how to write a cv" or "how to act at an interview".
I've been following their advice and working really hard but still only get summer jobs for a few months. They tell me how good my applications are and that I'm brilliant and kind and that I'm going to do soooo well. So why is it so goddamn hard to get a job..
I have been thinking about seeing a therapist, we'll see how my income will be as I might not be able to afford it.
FWIW, if you are carrying any anxiety around not being able to turn a summer job into a permanent position, I wouldn't worry about that. In my experience it's common for companies to dangle the possibility of a permanent role when in fact they know they have no intention of hiring someone permanently. They just say that because they know they won't attract as many candidates if they're honest. Or at least that's how it is in the US; maybe it's different where you are.
It doesn't sound like you need help on the practical side of things. Although there are certainly basic questions you can ask. Are you getting interviews? If you are then that suggests your resume is good as that's the resume's job, to get you to an interview. If you're not getting interviews then focus on your resume. A professional resume writer can really help as writing a good resume is a skill that not many people have the chance to develop. If you're getting interviews but not getting offers, then it sounds like you need to focus on your interview skills. We can all offer generic advice that, as you say, you can find by googling. So again, maybe what you need is a professional. Someone who can see you in an interview setting and offer you constructive feedback.
Another suggestion might be to look for someone in your industry who could be a mentor. Someone who's been where you're at and can offer practical advice for finding a job in your industry. And it's always good to develop relationships. How do you find a mentor? I would suggest starting on LinkedIn, assuming LinkedIn is used in your country, and finding someone who has the experience and background that fits what you are trying to do. Then just reach out to them and start a conversation. If they are local to you, offer to buy them lunch in exchange for the opportunity pick their brain. Be prepared that it might take reaching out to multiple people before someone responds, but if you can find someone who is willing to give you some of their time, you may find it's really beneficial. Is there a professional society for your industry? If so, maybe reach out to them. They might have a mentorship program or at least be able to suggest someone in their organization who would be open to mentoring you.
Most importantly, just try to remember that this isn't a reflection of your quality as a candidate or a person. Looking for a job sucks. It's a rite of passage we all have to go through. You will get through this.
It's the same in Sweden, summer jobs are just so the original workers can go on vacation.
I once had an interview where the interviewer where almost aggressively asking why I didn't continue on every summer job I've had (like 3-4 summer jobs) I was really close to asking if she knew what a summer job is. That was weird.
This time around I've applied for 9 jobs so far, no interviews but one at least said they'll soon recruit for a role that suits me better.
I might get help from the bureaucracy by assigning me a person to help me with everything that has to do with getting a job. I've understood that they can come along for interviews as support.
What can I ask a mentor?
There are a lot of professional societies (I'm a frontend dev) and I think I'm already in one, kind of. I had a trainee period at this office space with multiple tech companies. There are also meetups and stuff in the city next to mine, before the pandemic there were a lot of meetups and lunches there.
I'm also part of a small-ish group of people who wants to start regular meetups again (maybe online? https://www.gather.town/ would be perfect) but we are in that stage where no one actually starts planning and doing all the stuff that needs to be done. I have been thinking about setting up a kind of preview in gather.town and asking people at the office space for help and/or advice, I know some of them work with this kind of thing daily.
"This too shall pass" is slowly becoming my new mantra.
It is so hard to not slowly rot from the inside and out when job hunting.
It is hard to overstate the value of developing a good professional network. In 20+ years of working, I've only had to look for a job twice. My first one and once when my wife and I moved across the country to a city where I didn't know anyone. All my other jobs (5 in total) came to me via people I knew. Who you know is often more important than what you know.
Those meetups sound like a great idea.
I've been building my network a lot these past 2-3 years. I've always had a really hard time building a network, partly because I've always felt so insecure about how to talk to people and keep a convo going and I also don't really enjoy parties and other loud environments which most people seem to love.
But I think I'm finding my way, I can endure parties once in a while, even like them a little bit.
I get some bad anxiety with job hunting as well. For interviews, arrive early, you'll have to learn how to gauge how early, but for me I like to park 30 mins before. I then sit in my car, ask a couple questions to myself, final check I have what I need, and then I set an alarm for about 8 mins before I want to be at the front desk. And I spend the time until that alarm, calming myself down. Reassuring myself that if it's the right job it will work out and they will see what I can offer. Reassuring myself that I am what I am and I am not going to improve enough to matter in the next minutes I have till my alarm. I empty my thoughts, and accept that it can go either way and that will be OK. Sometimes I lay my head back and listen to music, but in all cases I find a way to relax before going into the interview, alarm goes off, grab things, get out of car, adjust clothing, and go for it, reassuring myself I can do nothing more to prepare. Which is a different sentiment than I did all I could because I can reason that I could've done more. But if I've done all I can, it let's it be final. Maybe I could've done more, but I'm done now and this is it and that's OK.
Kind of a lot to describe a very small process but that little pre interview ritual let's me be OK with things, ready or not, I am what I am. Good luck with your search!
But there is a lot. Thank you!
It's really comforting to know I'm not alone in this.
You are absolutely not alone. I'm applying to Sr. and lead positions at this point in my career, and I've been nervous every single time I've interviewed anywhere. I don't think it's about to stop either because my most current job was my most nerve wracking. You aren't alone, and you'll be OK. 🙂
It may also help to remind yourself that you want the kind of job that wants you back. That will become clear later on in your career, but finding a job that wants you and not just a warmish body makes a huge difference in how you feel after you start the job.
I'm kind of in the same boat. In my 30's. I feel like I spent half of my adult life looking for work instead of actually working.
I kind of hit a breaking point when I realized I was playing someone else's (figurative) game; this person (figuratively) held all the cards and I lost each and every time.
So I stopped playing their game. I've found I'm very good at coming across as disarming. Once people meet me face-to-face (even over a video call or phone call) any preconceived notions they had go out the window and I have the opportunity to flip the power dynamic because I earn their trust quickly.
So recently I decided to build my own chess board (again, figuratively). I stopped applying for jobs. Instead, I focused on connecting with people first. So then I applied for work only as a housekeeping step once the employer/client and I are in agreement that I'll be on board for a certain position or role. Obviously in 99% of cases organizations don't like this. They want to funnel me into a system. Well, sucks for them. If they set aside their corporate ego and start a conversation I'd be able to help them.
I hope this perspective helps.
I'm a man, so I'm sure as a woman you're going to come against a lot of backlash as far as appearing too aggressive. I'd actually see this as a good thing since it means you're standing on your own and not taking s***t.
My advice, for what it's worth...pay attention to what's causing the anxiety. You have the power to change it, but (as a fellow neurodivergent) you might have to step on some toes to do so (correction--you will have to step on some toes). Keep steadying on!
Wow that sounds like a big realization.
Does "applied for work only as a housekeeping step" mean you applied to jobs because you're forced to? We have the same in Sweden, if I want any income at all I have to apply to at least 6 jobs every month.
I think my anxiety with this boils down to two things: How perfect and unique every application "has" to be and also the bureaucracy itself.
I really hate stepping on toes but I guess that's part of life, more or less.
I have also recently realized how important networking is. I'm putting much more energy into trying to connect to people around me, adding them on LinkedIn, and stuff like that. During school we had a discord server for our class and I'm thinking about letting the classes "below" us in as well, (we were first) so we can create a network with a base on the same education. I think I'll have to coordinate that with the school, I should send them a mail soon.
I also want to be a part of a kind of meetup thing were we host small events once or twice a month but I've never done something like that before and I don't even know where to begin 😅
Those are typically the rules for unemployment/self-employment in the States. Since I haven't been "officially" employed for well over 5 years, this isn't the case for me. If work doesn't come in, it doesn't come in--I don't have the trappings that come with having a job.
For me I was talking about when each job has a "process." Step 1 is put in the job application. Not anymore (for me--if I had to fulfill a job app quota that would be another matter)! Step 1 would be initially contacting someone. Putting in the job app would just be for HR to make me official.
oooh I see. Now I understand! Thanks!
In the U.S. staffing agencies exist for some industries that do most of the application process for you. Is that an option in Sweden for the industries that you are qualified for?
I think we have staffing agencies, but I still need to do an application to them for each job and do interviews and so on.