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I'm kind of in the same boat. In my 30's. I feel like I spent half of my adult life looking for work instead of actually working.
I kind of hit a breaking point when I realized I was playing someone else's (figurative) game; this person (figuratively) held all the cards and I lost each and every time.
So I stopped playing their game. I've found I'm very good at coming across as disarming. Once people meet me face-to-face (even over a video call or phone call) any preconceived notions they had go out the window and I have the opportunity to flip the power dynamic because I earn their trust quickly.
So recently I decided to build my own chess board (again, figuratively). I stopped applying for jobs. Instead, I focused on connecting with people first. So then I applied for work only as a housekeeping step once the employer/client and I are in agreement that I'll be on board for a certain position or role. Obviously in 99% of cases organizations don't like this. They want to funnel me into a system. Well, sucks for them. If they set aside their corporate ego and start a conversation I'd be able to help them.
I hope this perspective helps.
I'm a man, so I'm sure as a woman you're going to come against a lot of backlash as far as appearing too aggressive. I'd actually see this as a good thing since it means you're standing on your own and not taking s***t.
My advice, for what it's worth...pay attention to what's causing the anxiety. You have the power to change it, but (as a fellow neurodivergent) you might have to step on some toes to do so (correction--you will have to step on some toes). Keep steadying on!
Wow that sounds like a big realization.
Does "applied for work only as a housekeeping step" mean you applied to jobs because you're forced to? We have the same in Sweden, if I want any income at all I have to apply to at least 6 jobs every month.
I think my anxiety with this boils down to two things: How perfect and unique every application "has" to be and also the bureaucracy itself.
I really hate stepping on toes but I guess that's part of life, more or less.
I have also recently realized how important networking is. I'm putting much more energy into trying to connect to people around me, adding them on LinkedIn, and stuff like that. During school we had a discord server for our class and I'm thinking about letting the classes "below" us in as well, (we were first) so we can create a network with a base on the same education. I think I'll have to coordinate that with the school, I should send them a mail soon.
I also want to be a part of a kind of meetup thing were we host small events once or twice a month but I've never done something like that before and I don't even know where to begin ๐
Those are typically the rules for unemployment/self-employment in the States. Since I haven't been "officially" employed for well over 5 years, this isn't the case for me. If work doesn't come in, it doesn't come in--I don't have the trappings that come with having a job.
For me I was talking about when each job has a "process." Step 1 is put in the job application. Not anymore (for me--if I had to fulfill a job app quota that would be another matter)! Step 1 would be initially contacting someone. Putting in the job app would just be for HR to make me official.
oooh I see. Now I understand! Thanks!