I recommend Mae Ploy's red curry paste.
You could make both a mild version and a spicy version, and allow guests to combine some of each to attain their desired level of spice.
this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2024
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Or seems like if you're using a red curry paste like this one, you could add enough for a mild version, but let them add more for spicier.
Just make your one regular base curry. The spiciness is adjusted by how much chilis you add to the final dish. So to make a spicy batch, sauce some Thai chilis until fragrant then add your curry. That way you can designate spiciness by how many chilis you add.
That's what I do, or simmer chilies in coconut cream and let people add that.
Thats definitely the fancier way to do it! I don't think you need to mix it with anything, a base sounds like a good idea.
...I'm lazy so I just add red pepper flakes on top if it's not spicy enough lmao.
If you just want to make one, milder curry you could do a sambal on the side. It's not Thai but it's big in nearby countries like Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore etc.
It's a bit like a much hotter siracha but there are loads of varieties, some have shaved coconut for a bit of texture and sweetness etc.
Here's a basic one https://www.elmundoeats.com/en/how-to-make-malaysian-chili-paste-sambal/
Edit: forgot to say, sambals have similar flavours to Thai stuff, so lemongrass, chilli, coconut etc. Thought it would compliment nicely even if not strictly traditional.