this post was submitted on 11 Jan 2024
170 points (89.0% liked)

Not The Onion

12531 readers
1033 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Billionaire Mark Zuckerberg’s next passion is cows and beef. And to start with his passion, he has said that he is raising cows on an island in Hawaii by feeding them macadamia nuts and beer. The idea is, according to Zuckerberg, to create best beef in the world. Critics call cattle-raising project on Hawaii ranch ‘a billionaire’s strange sideshow’ and bad for the environment.

all 35 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 84 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

billionaires are forced to waste incredible amounts of energy and resources creating unique experiences for their billionaire asses

[–] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Imagine using such an insane amount of resources on just yourself.

I'm exposed to some very wealthy people at work and none of them are normal. I feel like money is a drug and greed is addiction and these people are so mentally fargone (in that they can only see the world that's described by money and think of every human interaction as a transaction or investment) that they are like children who design their own meal plan

Breakfast: bowl of nerds Lunch: 14 kit kats Dinner: marshmallows

and then wonder why their feelings have gone haywire and they can't get no satisfaction.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

very well said

now add the fact that they all have bunkers, and they believe that they will not suffer the ill effects of economic chaos.. this leaves them totally immune to the suffering of others, and that's exactly how they like it.. Mark plans to eat the finest beef in the world on his little island, while the rest of us starve and fight it out over scraps of bread..

[–] [email protected] 61 points 11 months ago (1 children)

This new Farmville update is shit. I can't even play it.

[–] Squizzy 2 points 11 months ago

I really liked that game, I'd still play if it wasn't for the microtransactions

[–] [email protected] 39 points 11 months ago
[–] ThePantser 39 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Calling it now The Zuckerburger

[–] [email protected] 32 points 11 months ago

Already bored of the metaverse project, Mark?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 11 months ago (1 children)

No longer satisfied with just smokin' those meats, he now has to start at the source.

[–] 2deck 9 points 11 months ago

"it tastes better if you uhhh hunted the animal yourself..."

Is now

"It tastes better if you uhhh raise the animal on a strict diet which you imagine will somehow marinate the meat while it grows"

Get a clue, you wierdo.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago

Considering how well the metaverse is doing, it's good to have a backup plan

[–] Gamoc 22 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

WHO FUCKING CARES. TAKE NEWS OUT OF YOUR SITE'S NAME.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Boing boing, the Guardian, Sky News, Fox, NBC, India Today, the Blaze, and the New York Post. This is nottheonion, not serious news. If you don’t care, why the fuck are you here?

[–] Gamoc 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I don't care about Zuckerberg's feeble attempts to cosplay as a human whilst using it as PR to try and make himself seem like anything other than the unbelievable monster that he is. I do care that supposed news sites are doing the last part for him.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

Pretty much all of the websites are criticizing him for this. It’s happening and there are people who’d like to know this, so it’s news; soft news is news for better or worse.

[–] Blackmist 20 points 11 months ago

Pretty benign as far as billionaire hobbies go.

The rest seem to want to run their own private space programs or worse, meddle in politics.

[–] iAvicenna 14 points 11 months ago

when you have more money than you know what to do with

[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago (2 children)

He's trying to make his own Kobe beef. Tha kfully this prick will die long before that will ever happen

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

i think Mark expects to live a long time

[–] Bondrewd 1 points 11 months ago

Jesus christ.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago

He... uh... really pulling a Musk there, ain't he.

[–] macrocarpa 8 points 11 months ago

The fuck is wrong with feeding cows grass?

Cows eat grass, I've seen them do it

There's grass everywhere, even in hawaii I think

[–] CluckN 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Fidel Castro would be proud

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)

He had a thing for cows. Look up "Ubre Blanca"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Beer and macadamia.

So... Drunk cows with the runs.

[–] Everythingispenguins 1 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Cows have the runs normally...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago (1 children)

What have you been feeding your cows?

[–] Everythingispenguins 1 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Grass, have you been around cows much?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

Their not exactly the most sociable bunch but cow dung is not exactly runny.

And I have seen a cow with the runs and the poor creature sounded like a water cannon going off.

[–] mysoulishome 4 points 11 months ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago

Silly Mark, following his logic eating the rich just got way more desirable.

And it is the only non-vegan, hopefully non sustainable option I allow.