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324

Residents Beg Michigan Mayor to Stop Solar Eclipse - He Scientifically Can't (rivergrandrapids.com)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by [email protected] to c/nottheonion

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“I've been told that I need to stop this eclipse and I do not have the authority to do that. So yes, people are really concerned. But we're just trying to prepare them.”

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[–] jeffw 88 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

I do not have the authority to do that.

You just didn’t pray hard enough!

Edit: on a serious note, I get why the town is panicking. Shit is gonna be crazy for them

[–] partial_accumen 48 points 7 months ago (1 children)

My neighborhood is in the path of totality. Someone on Nextdoor is trying to sell use of a spot in their driveway on the day of the eclipse for $700.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 7 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

Yeah it’s a funny headline but they’re gonna be overrun with tourists and it’s gonna be pretty inconvenient. Unfortunately celestial bodies don’t care. 🤷‍♂️

[–] ChicoSuave 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

At the end of the article it asks "why come to Luna Pier when you can be in Toledo with get better amenities and the eclipse lasts longer?"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Because things are too expensive and sold out in ~~Toronto~~ Toledo.They’re not in Luna Pier.

Edit: Geography’s hard….

[–] Viking_Hippie 3 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

You're off by a few letters or 250+ miles there 😄

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Ha! I’d say a few letters.

[–] ours 2 points 7 months ago

Toledo: the Great White North.

[–] ours 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Everybody knows celestial bodies only listen to us if we do a proper human sacrifice. Preferably from a tall place.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

And ideally of someone who doesn't fuck.

Its the 21st century, I think we can do better than 'a virgin'.

Anybody here ace and suicidal, maybe looking to spite the literal heavens? You could make a small town very happy. Especially if you're into mountaineering.

[–] ours 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Some cultures "offered" free drugs/alcohol for the sacrificed. Might find some takers.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, I think I could get my hands on some stuff.

The Aztecs did not have LSD and E.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

They had mushrooms.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Yeah, and some other stuff, but dude; not the same.

I like mushrooms, but they're not the same thing.