I grew up with an older brother who would call things gay in a derogatory way back when we were teenagers and i also picked up the habit even though I had never met a gay person and have never had (and still dont have) any hate for them or anyone regardless of sexual preference or gender identity

I still call things gay tho to this day, usually when something kinda annoying happens (e.g. that was kinda gay when the teacher made us do extra homework)

I'm sure there are people who might feel hurt about that so i filter myself when meeting new people and i generally use it less these days but it happens sometimes

Anyone else relate to this?

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Yup, and also you never know who's listening, like the person here that mentioned their brother, who they assumed was straight but turned out not to be, or those that do know but mask as straight as an act of self defence, in which case they probably wouldn't open up to someone who uses "gay" as a pejorative.

I find it really helpful to remember that: “The first though that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are”.

We all occasionally have bigoted thoughts or ideas of one kind or another, even the most vehement social justice advocates, it's the inevitable result of the world we live in and how we've been socialised (and brainwashed) in it, but we are the only ones in control* of what goes past our thoughts and out in to the world where it can not only impact individuals in all sorts of ways but also fosters the kind of environment we have around us, so it's up to us to make actively better choices. The goal (for me anyway) is to create a world where people don't feel persecuted for or ashamed to be themselves (as long as being themselves isn't harming/advocating to harm anyone else, of course)

*yes, autism and other neurodiversity can make stuff like understanding social cues or boundaries more difficult, I know, I'm autistic myself, but when we fuck up it's still up to us to take responsibility and make it right, not just blame our brain structure/chemistry