this post was submitted on 09 Nov 2023
259 points (91.4% liked)

Not The Onion

12218 readers
517 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

Earlier this year, the US Food and Drug Administration gave Neuralink, which Musk cofounded in 2016, approval to launch human trials of its device that Musk has described as a "Fitbit in your skull." The FDA had previously rejected Neuralink's bid for human testing in March over safety concerns, Reuters reported, including that the wires connected to the brain chip could move within a subject's head or that the chip could overheat.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] FlyingSquid 98 points 1 year ago (5 children)

What the fuck is wrong with people?

[–] [email protected] 115 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Neuralink said in a blog post that it was looking for people who had paralysis in all four limbs because of a spinal-cord injury or amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.

Not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, these people are willing to take a risk in order to overcome difficult conditions, and that should be allowed. On the other hand, it feels like Neuralink is preying on their hopes.

If the company figurehead wasn't a libertarian billionaire edgelord, I might look past that second hand. No chance of that, though. He's going to kill people, and then he's going to retweet memes about it.

[–] Caradoc879 46 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Wasn't there a report about dozens of dead monkeys from animal trials a few months ago?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I dont think they reached dozens, but yes this is the same project that had dead monkey headlines rolling around

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not just dead, lot's of suffering beforehand. Those were some nauseating stories.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I've read a lot of disturbing stuff on the internet but those descriptions of what the monkeys endured made me feel really uncomfortable

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Well good news, if they implant in paralyzed patients and it doesn't work no one will be able to tell they are suffering.

[–] Witchfire 0 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Science cannot move forward without heaps of dead monkeys!

[–] AdolfSchmitler 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I saw that movie, it's called "Upgrade"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

There's also the TV show "upload"

[–] grue 43 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I admit, under the right circumstances, cybernetic enhancements could be cool.

Anything connected in any way with Elon Musk is emphatically not the right circumstances, of course.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What I wouldn't give for a cybernetic gastrointestinal tract. Maybe one where it combines a trash compactor with the butt, so I could literally shit bricks.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I would like a CGT just because mine is so freaking sensitive

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

We're dumb animals, not much different from other dumb animals.

If squirrels had news media, they could have a story that says, "Thousands of squirrels are lining up to try to cross busy streets in front of cars."

And some number of squirrels would read that and think, "What the hell is wrong with them?"

[–] FlyingSquid 17 points 1 year ago

At least crossing the street gives them a chance of getting to the acorns. This achieves nothing.

[–] JustZ 1 points 1 year ago

This is very funny.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

I mean, if I couldn't communicate with the outside world or have use of my limbs I would take any risk to regain that functionality. This could have a real shot of giving people with terrible conditions a better quality of life.

[–] ramenshaman 3 points 1 year ago

Lots of stuff.