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How can I deal with not being able to help with other people's problems whom I care about? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 1 year ago by dingus to c/asklemmy

22 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Hi all. Apologies if this isn't the right community for this type of question. Just let me know and I'll remove it.

Recently I've been struggling a bit. There are a few people in my life right know who I care deeply about. They are going through some very rough times right now. (Ex: money issues, sick relatives, etc.)

I am very frustrated because I hear about what's going on all the time and I am powerless to do anything to help. The advice I've had in the past is "just be a friend and be there for them," but there is only so far I am mentally and even physically able to go with that. All I want to do is to fix it and make it better for them but I can't.

And it's been making me go a bit crazy tbh. It's pretty narcissistic of me to be reacting this way, but I can't help it. I don't tell these people that I am stressed out because of them and I don't tell them that it is affecting me in any way. It's such an asshole move for me to be feeling this way but I just don't know how to get out of it.

I try to be nice and friendly all the time, but it's killing me. I just want to be able to help but I can't. I'm completely and totally powerless.

Surely there are those of you out there who care about others and have run into this issue before. What the actual fuck am I supposed to do? "Just be a friend" doesn't help my mental state or do anything for any of the issues that any of us have.

Thanks all.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

There is no magic pill, no Silver bullet for complicated problems. Otherwise they wouldn't be complicated. "Being a friend" is meaningless.

What you should do is ask what you can do to help (even if they answer with "nothing"). Ask what's wrong, if they start talking ask specific questions so that they don't just stick with the "I'm good thanks" level. Don't go and say "I've had a similar situation". Don't list options or try to solve the problem for them

Tell them it doesn't bother you if they bother you, so that they don't hold back just because they want to be a good friend to you.

Now, that is what you should do if you want to help. But if it gets to much mentally for you I still recommend anyone to watch this: Optimistic Nihilism. This Video has helped me see the world in a different way has has made me basically immune to "going crazy" or grieving uncomfortably. I know that this is probably not for everyone, but it was for me.

[–] dingus 2 points 1 year ago

They always answer that there's nothing I can do to help. And I always say that they can come to me if they need anything or want to talk to anything. But that doesn't seem to do fuck all. They always remain in pain and then it hurts me to see them in pain. And now I've run out of stamina to keep doing things like that and don't know where to go from here.