this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2023
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Programmer Humor
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This could be so much longer.
Killing children, class systems, so many programming language names, the ridiculous ways equality and order-of-operations are done sometimes. Plenty of recursion jokes to be made. Big O notation. Any other ideas?
GOTO
GOTO is the only thing that makes sense. It's the "high-level" concepts like for-loops, functions and list comprehension that ruined programming.
RAVINGS DREAMT UP BY THE UTTERLY DERANGED
I started coding with TurboBasic, which included the helpful innovation of GOTO {label} instead of GOTO {line number}, which allowed you to have marginally-better-looking code like:
which meant you essentially had actual, normal methods and you didn't have to put line numbers in front of everything. The problem was that labels (like variables) could be as long as you wanted them to be, but the compiler only looked at the first two letters. Great fun debugging that sort of nonsense.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT ONLY LOOKS AT THE FIRST TWO LETTERS WHAT
if goto make sense why don't you go to get some bitches
Because "get some bitches" is an invalid instruction
Big Orgasm notation
A monad is just a monoid in the category of endofunctors.
Masters and slaves
Cloning
Deploying code (that's what you do with soldiers!!!1)
Using Git to rewrite history.
Atomic values (like the bomb!)
These people are madmen.
One of the slave node's child process failed, so the master node sent a signal to terminate the child and restart the slave
There's pretty solid reason my research group is pushing to use "head node and executor nodes" nomenclature rather than the old-school "master node and slave nodes" nomenclature, haha
The only reason I enjoy C++ is because I can cast destroy on children and it's parents if they're present in the world
Floating point operations with decimals not always adding up
They always must add up - if they added down then they wouldn't be floating points now would they!