Ask Lemmy

It won't feel like a blink at the time 😆. Oh god those early months are hard, though as many people will say it doesn't get less hard just hard in different ways (terrible twos, threenagers, fucking fours). My books got refined to the kids, and it's been a few years now, but I seem to recall "how to talk so little kids will listen" is a good entry point. This is for ages 2-7 because it's around the tantrum starting age (2ish). There's a much older and much more famous book called "how to talk so kids will listen", it's also good but I'm not sure if you get much more if you've read the "little kids" version (which was written by the daughter of the original book). The newer one also feels more modern. I might revisit the older one when I reach teenage years (which I'm told start at 9 or earlier 😅).

I seem to also remember liking one called Playful Parenting, which is written by a child psychologist that specialises in play therapy. There's also a follow up book called The Art of Roughhousing that was written after he emphasised in Playful Parenting the important of roughhousing and people didn't know how. Literally just pages of cool things to do at each age (think of Bluey and Bingo mountain climbing - you might not (yet) know what I mean but I know plenty of childless/free adults that love watching bluey).

A bit older, The Explosive Child, which is probably around age 5 or 6. It's about kids who have trouble regulating emotion, and strategies - often this is ADHD. This one made the list due to our specific kids. Maybe they have books to help parents of kids who do what they are asked and behave all the time, but such a book wouldn't be useful to me 🥴

I also recall The Whole Brain Child was good, but I can't recall what it was about. That might be a more general one, a good starting point for someone a little while away from tantrums.

A couple I still have on my list are Raising Good Humans and The Book you Wish your Parents had Read. I have started on the latter and not yet sure if it's going to click with me. Lots of focus on mindfulness, and on journaling about how you were raised and feelings that come up and so on - the intent seems to be to be more in control in the moment and less "yelly". I'm not too far in though.

Oh another is The Gardner and the Carpenter. If I remember right this one emphasised that you are not a carpenter, sculpting your child into what you want them to be, but rather you are more like a gardener, there to pull the weeds out but letting your child grow to be themself. I can't remember much more than that.

I seem to recall most of the books were more practically useful from ages 2 onwards, but I still found it helpful to read a few books in advance of this just to work out what sort of parent I was trying to be.

I've listed a few, I think a good approach is to start a list. Write down the books, subscribe to parenting communties, and pick one that seems like a good starting point. Then as others recommend books, you can add them to your list. If you see the same ones come up multiple times then bump them up the list to be read sooner.