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The easy way to understand and remember is that "female" is an adjective the vast majority of the time, and it's usually misogynists and incels using it as a noun.
I think mysoginists just have a lot of spotlight on them, or are vocal. I hadn't been aware of "female" being used as a slur before it was pointed out here on Lemmy. I think "female" as a noun is still used neutrally far more often than as a slur.
As an adult female human, I have never been called a "female" in a positive or neutral tone. The key point is that you basically never hear people calling men "males" anywhere outside of scientific discussion.
I accept your experience as valid. However, I do see men and boys being collectively refered to as "males". I propose that the disparity may be explained by the places we frequent. But I also agree that the "males" noun don't seem to be used as often. This, coupled with how the "female" noun is used as a slur by misogynists, make it clear to me why women are offended by it, and it's why I've stopped using it.