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The only way it gets easy is by going through it repetitiously until you've become desensitized. Which is obviously easier said than done. It's a gradual process and will often involve periods of regression in between periods of progress, but if you've been through years of fixing then you probably know this. Are therapy or medications an option for you? They can make the process easier.
Medicine didn't help(although i didnt have my shit together enought to stop drinking at that time) but I figured out enough Ai to pirate therapy on my own hardware. It's what I got to work with.