Really applies to most things. I'm not a dude, trans woman, but I've gotten sexually harassed a lot both pre and post transition and the response I got pre and post transition is night and day. Pretransition people treated me like I was crazy for feeling unsafe and like I was supposed to enjoy it.
Honestly, men should be allowed to feel unsafe around women, or really allowed to feel unsafe in general, and be taken seriously for it.

[–] BluesF 69 points 1 month ago (2 children)

One downfall of what I only hesitantly refer to as modern feminism (although really I'm talking about terfs and the terf-adjacent) is that it has painted men as dangerous by default. I'm also a trans woman so I've seen both sides of the coin, too... I do feel less safe now, this is true. Many things were easier when I was living as a man. But I was never dangerous or an abuser.

Nonetheless, a former partner used accusations of abuse against me and turned so many people on me. The only ones that stuck by me were former romantic partners, who knew the accusations couldn't have been true. For everyone else, it was so easy to accept that a man - even a clearly gentle one - would be an abuser.

In reality I've been a victim of abuse - physical, emotional, sexual... All long before I transitioned.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I hear you. I'm working voluntarily with (mostly) women who were abused horribly. Also mostly from an early child's age on to the point of being utterly broken. Fear of men is not only officially a thing in the ICD but also more or less the norm amongst those. The prejudice against me (2m wardrobe with a resting bitch face) is always palpable and always takes so much time to gain trust. Sometimes it's just impossible and that's very sad.

Long story short: yes. It's easy to prejudge men to be abusers. Sadly because most abuser probably are men. But it's also important to be able to see that not all of us are.

Also sorry to hear that. And i can totally see that happening...

[–] BluesF 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I can understand it in those that have been abused, even if I disagree. And I suppose unfortunately that is such a huge portion of people, especially women. I even see it in myself - despite seeing the reasons, I can't help but feel at least a little concern when I pass a man in the street. I mean, I feel a little when I pass women too, but it's a very different fear. From men I fear violence, from women only rejection or disrespect.

It seems an impossible situation, another cycle of abuse. I hope we can find a way out, but I don't know at all what it is.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 1 month ago

It's ok to feel concern or be worried if a man passes. In the end, we ARE the violent ones in tendency. What matters is ones own safety. As long as one is able and willing to look behind his/her prejudice ( i dislike the negative connotations this word has) there is no harm done at all. That's the tiny but important difference between being careful and a sexist 😉

And there rarely is a way out of abuse. It will always be there 😕

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Im so sorry for you,hope you are better now ❤️

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm a guy.

I've been sexually assaulted multiple times in my life by both genders. The last time was at the hands of a boyfriend who made me no longer want to be Bi. I haven't been with another guy since and only date female now.

Honestly the response has never been in my favor. At the hands women it was ignored or blamed on me and by men I was told that I should have enjoyed it more. I've been belittled for not being gay enough to take being assaulted in public. And told I was being a problem for having it done to me in a work setting with apologies made for the perpetrator and then myself sent away.

I never get to feel unsafe and I never have gotten to feel seen for it. Not by other men. Not by the LGBTQ community, not by women, not even by doctors. It's devastating and yet there apparently is no right time to ever bring it forward. It's horrible that it feels we have specific socially acceptable ways to be traumatized and most of them are against men. And yet the loudest resistance feels like from the people being hypocrites cause it makes for an easier narrative.

I don't like people anymore.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to type all that. I'm sorry.

[–] Doburoku 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

No need to apologize. Glad you shared. Never apologize for getting something off your chest.

I'm sorry no one treated your abuse seriously.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Thank you.

I'm sorry I kinda had a panic attack after I sent that.

Thank you again.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

I'm a guy and I have a cnc/rape kink (want to be ) but if a girl try to do it for real I would kick her ass no matter how pretty she would be. If you start thinking with your brain I don't understand how a guy could enjoy someone that toxic and disgusting.