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I used to be like you, thinking there was nothing special about a birthday and not wanting a party. But, if you flip it around, the party isn't really about you ironically. It's about those you care about actually wanting to celebrate you, and that's a pretty special thing in my book. Who cares how many, there are people who love you who want to make you feel special, and it makes them feel good throwing something, so just have a good time.
Now, if you don't want a big thing, then just be honest with them. Something as simple as "I really do appreciate the thought, but honestly I would have just as much fun going to <> and sharing a glass of wine with you all." Let them know how they can make it special for you, and then just have a good evening. Find something you enjoy like that that they'll feel good treating you, and enjoy the people who love you :)
That's how I am looking at it tbh. I just want the people I care about to all be in the same room, have a nice meal and not make a big deal. We just had a slumber party at my wife's parents house with her siblings this weekend and those are always so fun. I don't understand why there is the pressure to do it big when everyone knows I'm a person who likes smaller, intimate get togethers.
I feel like most of it is everyone knows I'm trying to get better from my codependency and saying it's my day to do whatever I want, but what I want is simple.
Yeah I've learned that it's usually someone just trying to do their best, so if you know who is pushing for the large thing, when you are describing what you want give them something they can focus on. Like for your slumber party adding in "<> if you can make that <>, that would make it really special", then they have an outlet to pour their effort, and you get something tasty!