this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2024

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Ex-Incels, how did you dig yourself out? (poptalk.scrubbles.tech)

submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/asklemmy

145 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'm an ex incel myself, but I've been seeing a few users here exhibiting the tell tale signs. "I'm not attractive enough", "I don't socialize correctly", "I'll never find a woman" - all extremely unhealthy attitudes.

Personally I burned through many friendships and ruined a lot of chances with women because I was in the incel community. The community warped my view of women so much that I made it even harder to meet women, I became my own worst enemy. I lost friends because all I could think of was how horrible it was that they had girlfriends.

I have a friend who helped me out of it. She was the one who started calling out my bad behavior for what it was, and I started on the long uphill path out of it. I'm now married and stable for well over a decade, but I still think back to those days, and it depresses me seeing other people causing this themselves and not being aware of it.

So, Lemmy, for those who have clawed out of it, what's your story?

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (3 children)

I took estrogen.
I was like fuck them they are so pretty 😭 Now I am pretty yay

[–] TheCannonball 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Hell yeah! Be pretty!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

No but seriously I was kinda incel once. I barely can remember that time but it involved lots of substances, clubs and things that were supposed to make you manly. Other people enjoyed them, me? I only wanted these things to make me more manly. I thought it can be learned or acquired with enough cigarettes, beer and calling people names and doing stupid ‘acts of masculinity’. I mistook antisocial for masculine I think in this pursuit.
When I felt empathy? again at 27 years old it was amazing. Like a blind person who has seen colours first time since losing them at the young age.

It’s truly amazing that we are capable of caring and this deep connection as humans and I don’t think there’s anything more worthwhile.

[–] Emerald 2 points 4 months ago

I read the last line in Mysticats voice lol

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I feel that "I'm not pretty" stuff too!

But wary of taking estrogen and going with transitioning for social reasons and also because I kinda want to remain sexually active and keep a solid dick lol

So, crossdressing and some makeup it is!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

I’d kill myself sooner than see myself in the mirror as an old man one day. It’s pretty easy indicator. Old woman - yeah whatever could be nice, old man - no fucking way brr

And social things, yeah well this is admittedly something that is problematic but I am a firm believer that if you are confident enough, you can get away with just about anything.

I am just me, Emmie, hello. Nothing less or more and the rest anyone can make up in their heads as they see fit. Not my business

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Cool!

In any case, I admire your bravery and the firm dedication to be yourself. I wish you the best of luck!