Sofia "Buff Girlfriend" @sofiabuffgf
Installing a bidet at home was life changing but unfortunately it's transformed pooping on company time from a small proletarian victory into yet another grueling humiliation of inadequate working conditions.
this post was submitted on 14 May 2024
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I relate to this on such a deep level. I really dread using any toilet that doesn't have a bidet now. I can't figure out why they aren't everywhere . It has to be better for the environment.
Imagine the filth in your average public restroom.
Now imagine if they were all designed with powerful fountains that spray water up and out of the device if not intercepted by an anus.
I’m pretty sure “this is why we can’t have nice things” is true in this case, just pre-emptively.
The wonderful thing about every bidet I've ever used is that they require intentional actions to be activated. I have never gotten a surprise spray yet.
Surprises of that sort aren’t really the problem, tho that would be.. wild.
The intentional abuse of the devices would be the problem, as would unintentional misuse (eg they are in the wrong position and it misses entirely, or they don’t know what it is and mess with the controls while standing in front of it).
First thing I did after installing a bidet was shoot water 3m onto a wall.
Same, honestly. You have to make sure it works and you don’t really think to cover it, and even if you did you don’t really know where..
And then you find out. And giggle a bit.
My bidet toilet came with a "demonstration tool". A (transparent) plastic contraption that can be put on the toilet which 1) activates the bum-sensor and 2) blocks the water stream.
The toilet also has a "demonstration" mode, I did not dare to turn that on, though.
I would like to see an AMA from a first time owner that didn't end up with water on the wall. When in the process of deciding to get one and having it functional did it occur to watch out... or not?
I did after putting it in and watched my partner test it and got another in a different spot.
I got 20 on it.
You're right. There is nothing stopping folks from throwing toilet paper (clean or dirty) all over the public restroom on purpose and I have spent enough time in airport bathrooms to know that people can make a mess perfectly fine with how restrooms are kitted out today.
People are quite intentional in their destruction of public property. And then of course there are all of those incompetent idiots roaming around.
Well let's pull out the toilets too. They can and do make plenty of mess of those. Let's just get rid of public amenities.
I wasn't arguing that we shouldn't offer them in public restrooms, just pointing out that there will be issues, even though you and I can handle them just fine. I hate using public restrooms ever since I installed bidets in my house. I even take baby wipes backpacking with me now, since I can't stand only using dry toilet paper. It's gross!
I had one with analog pressure control. It was basically just a valve with a limiter you hooked up to toilet's water line. If your hand slipped, you got to do a little spring cleaning. It was not as refreshing as the task sounds.
Ah, the poor mans enema. Sometimes if you have a poop that's not cooperating you can squirt some water up there and it comes out. Source: 😏
I definitely have but it was 100% user error :( I was cleaning my toilet and meant to turn on the nozzle clean but turned on the regular wash instead. I screamed so loud my partner thought I was injured. Thankfully I was wearing glasses I guess.
Surprise sprays tend to happen when your staring over the stradle-style bidet, trying to figure out how the hell to work it.
Met a new friend and his wife once. Had no idea what it was. Touched a knob and the ceiling got wet.
The guy got me set up with a nice job in what ended up being a lucrative career.
They got divorced a few years later. Husband moved out west with a friend's girlfriend. Said friend ended up marrying the wife. She's a slut, and they're going through a divorce now.
nice fuckin story lmao
I was in Japan for two weeks and not once did I use a toilet without a bidet. It was glorious.
I don't know if I'd trust a public bidet, the amount of poop people leave on the toilet seat doesn't give me confidence they wouldnt find a way to get their explosive slosh into the nozzle
I think we just need tiny sinks in stalls, or rather, all public stalls should be designed as semi-ambulant stalls.
Growing up as a crutches user (hip deformity) I didn't fully comprehend that the standard stalls don't have sinks in them. I kind of knew they didn't all have sinks, but I didn't think too hard about it, I sort of assumed the reason most people flushed then came to the main public sink was to use the mirror or dryer.
I got to used to filling my personal bidet at the sink, using it, and washing it at the sink, all behind the privacy of a closed bathroom door.
When I had my hip surgery and no longer needed semi ambulant stalls, or disability access stalls, and it was just so inconvenient to fill and rinse a bidet bottle in a regular public bathroom I stopped using it.
Then a few months later started using the semi ambulant stalls again so I can use my bidet, because it turns out my lichen sclerosis doesn't like public toilet paper and I was getting really bad infections.
But yeah, personal bidet bottles are great, but they require a tap near the toilet.
Some public sinks are easy to fill a bidet bottle, but a lot aren't, you physically can't fit a bottle under the taps and because bidet bottles aren't common it can feel embarrassing to fill it at the public sinks. Disability stalls almost always have a proper tap and sink for washing toilet aid devices.
Do you have any recommendations for a portable bidet bottle? Honestly it seems like I could just make one out of a plastic bottle but I'm curious if you've got any fancy recommendations
I don't have any fancy suggestions, because much like you, I often went DIY. Because of my skin condition I've always needed a bidet, so convenience and utility was my draw, the fact I had to carry it with me everywhere my whole life since adolescence.
Pretty sure when I was first taught to do it by my chronic care nurse I was just using hospital peri-bottles. For a while I just carried a 50ml syringe in my bag and a bottle to draw water from.
But at some point (probably around 12 when I joined Scouts) I found these "bidet bottlecaps" at hiking stores, and I remember a time when I just had these bottle caps everywhere and would have plastic bottles with hair ties on them in random purses (I'd put a hair tie around the bottle to remind me it was not drinking water anymore) the brand name I'm seeing pop up is CuloClean, but I mostly see cheap screw on no-brand ones near the register at camping stores.
Now days I mostly DIY them with a lighter, a q tip and a pin.
Just take any plastic bottle lid, heat it up with the lighter to soften the plastic, use the q-tip to push the soft plastic to make a "nipple", you're basically trying to make the bottle lid resemble a baby bottle. Then take the pin and make a ~1-2mm hole in the side of the nipple. It's a good idea to sit down and hold the bottle and see how you're planning to aim the stream so you can plan where you want to angle the hole you're making in the lid.
I'm glad I found this method, because I like the little 250ml bottles of Quench Juice, they squeeze easy, hold just the right amount of water, and fit really neatly in all my purses (and the juice is nice too, lol). But the lid was never compatible with the bidet bottle caps, so now I DIY the existing cap of whatever bottle I prefer.
But in either case, you need to have a second, unaltered bottle cap to swap out after use, so the bottle is water tight for storage again. (though, you can always leave it empty and just refill immediately before use, then empty it completely afterwards)
As a Spanish speaker I love that name haha
Back when I needed a bidet I kept my portable full and would refill it when I washed my hands. It took up half to all of my purse, depending on how large of a purse I was carrying, but it was worth it. I'd just use a peri bottle (kept two in my bag) I'd get from the hospital. Not sure where to get them when you're not inpatient.
In Australia, most larger chemist's sell peri bottles in the antenatal section, near the breast pumps and maternity pads.
They also sometimes sell cheaper, less pink, peri bottles in the OT/home aid section, or in the ailse with the laxatives and enemas.
You can definitely get them on Amazon. I also find them occasionally in the toiletries section of Muslim grocery stores, and occasionally Asian stores, near the buckets, stools, and tabo cups.
Go for a portable one. Be clean and proud. Nobody is gonna ask you about the flask-thing anyway unless they want one. https://www.happypo.de/ No idea if it has a translated site, but it's quite butt-forward anyhow.
We have those in the US as well. They're meant for women who just gave birth to clean their privates. The hospital gave my wife 3 that we got to take home since they can't reuse them.
Bidets can generally also be used for lady parts, but it isn't just for that. In the link, it does call itself "butt shower".
Yeah, but this "portable bidet" is literally the exact same product that has been marketed towards post-partum women in the US. I mean that literally, it's the exact same product made in China, marketed by some slimy western asshole as a "revolutionary portable bidet!!!!1!11!"