this post was submitted on 14 May 2024
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Gorilla? I feel like being super submissive and not making eye contact would probably keep it from tearing off my arms to use as drumsticks? I'm not a gorilla expert though, so anyone who knows more can feel free to tell me. Although I guess with a wolf, you could just climb a tree and be ok, depending on how long you have to stay. Either, I guess. I'm pretty convinced that I'll die trying to pet a wild animal when the moron part of my brain tells me it's friend-shaped, anyway, so whatever.
You're not completely wrong, but if safety is your concern then you should really be operating under the assumption that the animal will attack you. In that case you've chosen a 200 kg gorilla who can climb over a 40 kg wolf who can't. Bears are actually the heavier of the three depending on race and gender, and some of them can climb while others cannot.
Grizzlies can't climb but if they want to get to you, they'll just dig out the tree you're on.
For real, but Grizzlies are the second worst outcome you could end up with in the bear category.
With the first one being ice bears?
If you encounter a black bear, make yourself big and threatening. If attacked, fight back.
If you encounter a brown bear, stay facing it but avoid eye contact and back away slowly. If attacked, play dead.
If you encounter a polar bear, pray for a quick death.