Autism

How do you get other people to speak with you? Usually I never know what to say in response.

Being a chatterbox hasn’t worked out too well throughout my life. Even in my second language, German, it’s evident im sort of a “parrot” when it comes to learned social phrases.

Socially exhausted right now and feeling like an alien.

• Saturday: Event in town, with small kids, socializing
• Sunday: Teambuilding event
• Monday: Work strategy meeting
• Tuesday: Held a presentation and socialized
• Wednesday: Work strategy meeting
• Thursday: Course w/group sessions, parents over for dinner
• Friday: Work event, work event
• Saturday: Museum trip, family visit

Throughout the week, slow buildup of joint pain, feverish feeling, lack of appetite, swollen throat, buzzing head, torpor, lack of focus. Today I am just broken.

These are all (for me) normal physical reactions to overextending myself socially or spending time in sensory intense environments for any amount of time. They are also symptons I would get if I caught the head cold that is going around.

It feels extremely silly that I have literally zero idea if I have a cold or not.

Anyway, treatment is same either way: Take it easy for a while. Mostly wanted to share my frustrating confusion and maybe hear if others have similar experiences and how they manage. :)

This is part strong recommendation and part wanting to know thoughts of others who have read it. :)

Fern Brady is a scottish comedian who grew up with undiagnosed autism in a very catholic small town.

It's a brutally honest and personal story, and she manages to write everything in a way that I found captivating. She can describe situations of absolute torture in a way that makes them seem both heartbreaking, and almost funny in their absurdity. Like a scene where she got recommended an app to help her with meltdowns and describes how she is crying and punching her fist bloody against her living room wall, while with her other hand opening an app and seeing suggestions like "think of a puppy!", "count to ten and think of the last nice thing you ate!"

For me, the description of a years long struggle to push through a medical system with little and outdated understanding of autism resonnated deeply.

I'm not sure if anyone can relate to this, but I still wanted to get "my feelings out", so to speak. I'm a psychology student from Germany who's in a Erasmus+ year (basically an exchange year during university) in France. I think the topic of loneliness has accompanied me my whole life in one form of another, but right now I think it strikes extra hard. Generally speaking, I think I'm pretty socially competent - I have friends, a girlfriend, I'm member of a Nightline back in Germany. I know a good amount of people from uni, in Germany and France, and can have a nice smalltalk with them.

However, I don't feel included in any specific group, here or back in Germany. I am not outright rejected, people are still nice when I e.g. sit down with them for a meal. I went to a bar with some fellow exchange students, or talked with them during lunch. But these activities drain a lot of energy from me, and I can't go to the nice places where people bond as a group. I can't go to parties or concerts, having lunch with other people already drains my social battery for the day. I hear them telling how they will go on a trip or a party, how they went to the city and had a nice time. Last time I was in the city I nearly had a meltdown when I got home.

It just feels really lonely, as if all the people around me have fun as a group and I stand at the edge of the party, watching them as they enjoy themselves. I could walk up to them and have a drink, but I still wouldn't be part of the party, no matter what I really do or try, because I wouldn't be able to get in the same "fun mood" as them. This feeling of not belonging holds on the entire day right now.

However, that doesn't mean I'm not happy or I can't do fun things; I absolutely can. I love it when I can sleep out and watch a nice movie, when I have a walk next to the river and listen to my podcast. I love exploring the city (with headphones!), or watching a dog play with a ball, playing PC or writing in my diary. There are nice things in my life, which I appreciate and value. However, all these things are things I do on my own or with another person. And whenever I'm in a group, I very strongly feel that I don't really fit to the group, that they are different than me.

I already thought about joining up a group here, but my language barrier makes it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to do so. And with my fellow exchange students I don't really fit in, for the reasons outlined above.

Overall, I just feel very lonely here. Like a little alien watching the others have fun, while I'm on my own somewhere different. Of course I still have fun, I do great things, but I do them on my own. I feel that I'm broken or wrong for not able to enjoy group things as much as others do, that some part of me which is supposed to function correctly doesn't work.

I'm sorry if this is the wrong community for this, my problem is prob more from BPD or some other mental illness I have than directly autism, though depression and anxiety are common in autistic people. I posted in a BPD community but it's pretty dead, I hope this isn't too off topic for here, I just really need some advice on this and Idk who to ask besides my therapist.

My intrusive thoughts and mental state in general are a lot better now that I've had therapy and antidepressants for a few years, but one issue I still really struggle with is revisiting times when someone hurt me, intentionally or not, even if it's a resolved situation I'm not still mad about, and getting mad about it again.

Below are two examples, you don't need to read them but it might help explain my problem.

I did this a few months ago and drove away my fiance over a small mess she made in my place. She made it as a trauma response, we had a wonderful conversation about it after and I wasn't upset at her at all. But I managed to make it a huge deal in my head later, and since she'd said before she wants me to clean my space better or let her help clean, I thought she was a hypocritical asshole. I verbally abused her over text and made an ultimatum, saying she had to apologize for it or I wouldn't talk to her anymore. She left, blocked me on everything, and the engagement is off. We exchanged letters recently, and at least maybe we can still be friends again some day.

A more recent example is with my dad. I was trying to quit cigarettes and take a break from weed, so I asked him to hold onto my ID so I wouldn't be tempted to get any since I'm kinda addicted and can't control myself when I can get a fix. We went out and about for a doctor's appointment next to a dispensary, and I was gonna be super proud of myself for not having gotten anything there. But my dad thought I might wanna get some weed, so he brought my ID. While he was getting weed, I spent 15 minutes wailing and trying to resist getting stuff, but I caved and got weed and cigs. I still feel really ashamed about my lack of self control, and I think that event really fucked with my mindset about quitting and made it a lot harder to try again. I don't want to be mad at him, and I've already talked to him about it, but I'm trying to quit again, and I already struggle a lot more with intrusive thoughts like that while sober, but I'm having a really hard time not protecting my shame onto him. I don't want to talk to him about it again, i think he already feels really guilty for sabotaging my quit and I don't want to drag that back up.

Talking to the people I'm mad at about it can make me less upset, but I can't just bring up old shit like that every time my brain makes me upset about it. With my fiance I should've just talked to her about how I felt and we could've worked through it together, but that isn't the solution to most things like this, esp when they're already resolved issues.

Tl;Dr I sometimes dredge up old memories of others hurting me and make myself upset about them again, and I really need a healthy way to deal with them other than just bottling it up or talking to them about it every time

Hi, I'm flying home for my birthday (moved out of state for work, then lost my job, and been unemployed for 4 months). My mom asked what I would like her to make me for my birthday dinner, and I have no clue what to ask for. I'm just at a loss because I don't know what I like. I'm not picky, but if left to my own devices would eat mueslix for months at a time. I hate feeling attention, and worst of all pity... But that is the primary feeling when I return to my mothers home. I feel lost and trapped, as more if my life falls through my fingers like a hand desperately grasping into dry sand. Everything feels wrong and I hate that I agreed to come home at all.

Like the title says, recovery from alcoholism has been pretty rough. I fucking love drinking, but the amount of times it's gotten me in bad spot is crazy. I haven't been formally diagnosed, but my last therapist was going to refer me because I have several traits of ASD ("high-functioning").

I just can't stand being around people. Like I just can't think around them because the sounds they make and the things they talk about drive me up the wall. Also the fact that "isolation" is a no no in these places, it's all about "community", so having time to myself to gather my sanity is hard to come by.

Not to mention the anxiety of having to talk about myself.

It's forced me to leave programs time after time and now it's all starting to make sense. I know that I can't blame all my problems on ASD (especially if I haven't even been given the diagnosis by someone qualified, and I'm sorry if this offends anyone) and I know that this 100% is on me and not everyone else.

I'm running out of options and I'm starting to think that just living on the street is my only option.

Edit: Also lately, I've been dabbling with methamphetamine. It's like everything I don't want to do is now possible.

Hi everyone.

I was diagnosed with high-functioning autism at age 3. I am smart, shy, kind, and nice. Many times, people take advantage of me. I think this caused me to be bullied in high school. As the autistic brain is wired differently, it is impossible for me to fit into the mostly neurotypical (NT) world. I cannot make any NT friends as they all think I am 'weird' or 'odd'. All the NT social skills are very hard for me to learn. However, when I come on autism forums such as this one, I feel like I am welcomed, accepted, and understood. I feel that with time, I might make friends on this forum.

I have some special interests such as electricity (plugs, voltages, electrical sockets/outlets), the battery health of electronic devices, and time (clocks, time zones). They are so intense that they are the only thing I think and talk about.

Hopefully I will make some friends on this forum.

Nice to meet you all!

Yours Truly,

SRSAutistic

I need headphones that only an audiophile would love. I practically LIVE in my headphones and almost never take em off. I also dont wanna spend heaping tons of money on em tho ;w; maybe a budget of like- 100-200 I guess... I dunno what do yall recommend?

I know I can over share. I know I say things way too "deep" for neutrotypicals. I know how I take small talk into big talk with just one sentence. What are ways that you keep yourself aware in conversation to just be casual. I imagine something small to fidget with that isn't obvious and I can use to keep me centered on being not so outright. Obviously I don't like wearing anything but maybe something like a normal but moving or spinning finger ring would help, I can always take it off.

Is this something you guys experience, maybe recognize now, or have realized this behavior and have some mechanism to stay "normal"?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.autism.place/post/311746

Recent in this question is however you define it 🙂

It makes me want to crawl in a hole and never speak to anyone again.

i genuinely feel like my entire life and mindset have done a... at least a 90 by now, by somehow, somehow getting this hail mary pass off and setting this up. i can't believe this is real life it's very bizarre, i'm just shaking with anxiety and energy

i just feel like she'll hate me upon first sight (this was thru an app) for some reason, she'll sense the autism, she'll know i'm off and the next hour will be awkward and she'll politely say goodbye.

i mean, alternatively, it could go well, she could be cool. she seems cool which i suppose is why i did this. what is happening i cannot believe these are things that are going on in my life i feel like i was just in a major major hitting slump for 10 years, strikeout after strikeout

and then also what if she ghosts me or stands me up like in the films. what then? add it to the list of failures and try to rebuild my self image?

aghufasdf

I just really hate how my friends label me as a child, they are not 100% NT but way less autistic than me, yesterday she admitted they viewed me as a child, at first she stated that she viewed all of her peers as children since she felt she had more lived experience which is fine she can do whatever she wants. but then we met a new friend who she took a liking to and who she views as an adult, and recently on the way home our friend group got to talking about something and I asked something jokingly. She said rather seriously "Sky, there are some things that stay between adults" I reply I am legitimately a year older than you, she then said rather seriously not in any of the ways that matter. In general, there have been plenty of other times I felt like I was treated as a child, and generally, she and others have capped the level of closeness they have with me to protect me, which in practice only creates an environment where I do not have any close friends at all, I legit usually sob to myself in my room when and think about killing myself. I also understand I am a failure by most traditional metrics, no job, no car, no place, I have been trying to get a job for over 8 months, I wrecked my car 6 months ago, but I am not a fucking child.

I regularly feel like people pretend to be interested in what I am saying since I am being viewed a child and most people do not want to be mean to a child, I just feel like such a loser in general and I really hate the fact I am autistic which is 100% why this keeps happening.

I have Special Interests (pixel-perfect UIs, the overall 'feel' of software, old computers, obsolete media like floppies, useless machines, etc.) that my brain finds extremely stimulating and rewarding and I'm able to devote hours to creating things that scratch these itches. Unfortunately neither the job market, nor anyone else actually, sees beauty there where I see it and so they will not value it (that includes financially). Meanwhile, there are other things like machine learning or cell biology that my brain is also very well equipped for but I don't spend time learning them because they don't draw me to them the way my SIs do (I have ADHD so the stimulation level of activities is quite decisive). This is a handicap because it leaves me fixated on several irrelevant things which I did not choose. How do you guys deal with this?

I'm looking for sleeping tricks and thought some other people here might have similar issues or good tricks. Can be anything from getting the motivation to go to sleep to actually tricks to falling asleep.

My current trickbook is basically this:

Podcasts, but it has to be in some goldilocks zone of interesting to enough to keep attention but not too good so it gets exciting.

I've also done meditation in bed when falling asleep that tends to work.

Consistent routine is good. Shower, brush teeth, lights off, episode, sleep.

I'm curious to see what other autistic people are working with here.

Mostly asking for other people on the spectrum, but allistics are free to comment also.

Like - what do I write in the card? What the hell do I get them? They come up so quickly as well.

Mine in meme format

Link to meme creator for convenience.

Brain enlargement may be linked to symptom severity in kids with autism spectrum disorder

Specifically, social and communication symptoms appear to be more severe in children who display brain overgrowth on MRI scans. Experts believe this overgrowth may be associated with alterations in the activity of the Ndel1 enzyme, which is related to embryonic neuron differentiation and migration.

Study: https://molecularautism.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13229-024-00602-8

For some reason I find vests, and specifically down vests very comfortable. I know that some of you have problems with polyester though, so I'd love to hear about your comfy clothes! (I kinda wanna test out some new stuff)

cross-posted from: https://reddthat.com/post/24388390

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out to ask for advice and insights on how you manage emotional dysregulation. Lately, I’ve been finding it challenging to handle intense emotions, especially when they seem to come out of nowhere or are triggered by small things.

I know this is something that many people in the AuDHD community experience, so I’d love to hear about any strategies, tools, or practices that have worked for you. Whether it’s specific techniques, coping mechanisms, or lifestyle changes, I’m open to anything that might help.

Thank you in advance for your support and for sharing your experiences. I really appreciate hearing from others who understand what this is like.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

I'm the father of a 6 year old boy diagnosed with autism when he was 4. He's considered non verbal although he has some stock phrases and sounds he uses daily.

The thing is I'm worried if I've made the right decisions and I'm worried about his future.

Will he ever talk more? Will he do well in mainstream school? Will he be OK?

I'd be interested in hearing your experiences especially if you started as non verbal.

Did it get easier for you? When did you start talking more?