Autism

K, this is what worked for me, so take or leave it as you see fit.

My brain did similar things, and just like water will take the path of least resistance, so did my brain ... over and over and over again. So I decided that I'd had enough of the bs circle of death and would train my brain to go a different path.

Every time I recognized the nagging thought was there yet again, I forced my brain away from it, ie: thought of something good I'd done, or that someone had done for me, or what groceries I need to buy, etc etc. Anything to break my brain's habit.

Now it isn't easy, and especially when I was tired or cranky it wouldn't work well. But I kept at it anyway, and forgave myself when it didn't work.

Took a couple of years (I was in my late 40s) but it took. Now I'm able to divert my brain at least 99% of the time, but I only need to do that once in a while because that old path is not as easy for my brain to find anymore.

Anyway, I hope you can find something that works for you, and you can get the nasty thoughts stopped (or eased at least). Good luck!

Make the people in your head behave the way they should. They have no agency in your head. It's happening in your head so everything "they" are doing is something you are making them do. "Sorry I was so dumb and wrong, now here's a five paragraph essay on why you were right".

It's exactly as hallucinatory as running the upsetting scenario multiple times. The first time in real life wasn't a hallucination; all subsequent iterations were. So you may as well hallucinate in a way that's less bothersome.

This carries a risk for people who refuse to acknowledge faults and weaknesses of their own. So, try not to give yourself credit you don't deserve.

Imagining you're a movie director and they have to do what you say may bypass some objections to don't this, but that's just an extra layer you don't need

If there's something that needs to be resolved then you might need to handle it differently but this is magic for pure habit busting.

Hows your sleep?

I don't know if this is worth anything to you, just know you're not alone in your struggle. I get it too. I constantly agonize over how to just let things go, even the old scars. I think I cope with it best by accepting the human nature of it. Any creature reacting to negative stimulus with enough memory to remember the event would do the same. I was hurt, monkey no like hurt, think about how to prevent hurt. loop for x times. Many factors can multiply x. We get some bonus multipliers from the neurodivergence, sure, but It's normal enough for Disney to make a song out of the feeling afterall. You're doing well to control your substances, I'd benefit from the same. Take care stranger.

Personally, and only because you mentioned it, I'll just say that avoiding weed as much as possible makes this issue much more manageable for me.

Full disclosure: I often ignore my own advice.

I'm in therapy as well.

Have you covered CBT or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy? If so and those thing didn't work to your satisfaction, have you tried EMDR?

I occasionally pull up CBT worksheets online, they're easy to look for, when I'm having intrusive thoughts. I find them helpful with changing my point of view, particularly the ones with visualization. I recommend this as a low-barrier way for anyone to deal with spiraling.

DBT programs are helpful for people with BPD. They're long term so you can build healthier thought patterns over a period of time. Since it takes a while to build habits. If you have a doctor or therapist already, or a local mental health initiative, they might have programs available to join. Where I live they're free.

EMDR in therapy was very effective for me in reworking deep-rooted memories of shame and self-hate. Unfortunately that requires having a therapist you already have a good relationship with, and you might have to pay.