ADHD

Hi everyone.

When I try to follow a schedule to eat, clean my room and do my homework, it feels good at the beginning, but as time goes on, it just doesn't feel good anymore.

I'm not even sure if I even feel trully happy about doing all of my responsibilities.

It doesn't feel as if a burden has been lifted of my shoulder.

It doesn't feel as if I were "refreshed" or more energetic after I do all of these.

I started slowly like my therapist recommended: I did a schedule to eat 3 times a day. It started rocky but then I manage to do it... but only for a while. Eating just didn't feel good either.

Every single time I finally clean my room, I don't feel any good: it just feels as though I wasted time because I don't feel any better.

Doing math homework is fun, philosophy to, but I don't like any of the other subjects I actually need to do homework for.

I know it might seem childish to only do things that feel good but I hate not being able to feel anything at all, especially when I do things that are supposed to help me but don't make me feel anybetter afterwards.

Has someone here went through anything similar? What do you do then, if so?

Edit: I have read all of your replies so far, but I don't know how to respond properly to them. All I can think of is to say thank you! I will try to change things (although slowly) today using your tips.

When I get distracted late at night I seem to always find myself on videos about sleep and sleep quality at some point.

I have struggled with this forever. I have gotten OK with lists of things I need to do and organizing those in a few different places I actually will look at, but what do I do about scheduling/calendars? I can do what my work calendar says but anytime I make my own schedule, it becomes invisible to me and I don't even consider it very quickly.

Anyone have any tips for scheduling tasks and actually following through with it?

Thanks ADHD I really needed to go down the rabbit hole for a single actor and pull all the threads. I'm sure it won't have consequences.

Half a year ago I stumbled upon two notetaking tools of which one improved my life's quality, so I thought I share my experience with the community. I'm not sponsored by either of these projects.

Both of these tools are powerful extendable markdown editors with a daily journal, calender function, TODO list and a knowledge base similar to a Wiki. Every page or block can be crosslinked, referenced or embedded. That way, I can keep an overview over my daily tasks with all necessary information directly accessible.

The one tool I use daily now, is Logseq. I synchronize my notes among all my devices via git. Works great under Linux, but I needed to install termux on Android. They are working on a sync service for logseq, which should make it more interesting for most users. There is one caveat though: It's not on Google's PlayStore, nor on f-droid.

The other similar tool, which I can recommend because it is more easily available, is Obsidian. The company also offers a sync service for premium users. I found one missing feature which is more a niche, but still a bummer: Code blocks cannot be indented.

What do you think? Do you use similar - maybe even better - note taking tools?

Sorry for being dramatic, but I feel absolutely awful right now and things seem to be moving in the wrong direction, I genuinely don't know what to do next.

So please forgive a long rambly message to people who struggle with just that! I got ChatGPT to make a TL;DR, which I found quite amusing:

• The poster is a 27-year-old who was diagnosed with ADHD this year and has been taking medication for the past 6 months, with a stable dosage for 3 months without issue, and generally positive outcomes.
• Following that, they have experienced disrupted sleep patterns for the last 3 months, finding it difficult to fall asleep before 3AM even when going to bed at 1AM, which is negatively impacting their routine and work schedule.
• Despite struggling with sleep and consistently waking up late, they manage to maintain productivity at work, which they value greatly. However, this is leading to further sleep deprivation, exacerbating the problem.
• This disrupted sleep pattern is making them feel constantly tired, disorganized, and slow but they still seem to function effectively during the day.
• Their work-life balance is skewed as their hours are shifted back, finishing work later, and they continue to be active until late at night, often forgoing relaxation time for themselves to deal with personal admin, projects, and other work.
• They have devised a new strategy to cope with the situation:
• They acknowledge that their biggest challenge will be stopping activities by 12PM, given their heightened productivity levels at that time.
• Despite the plans to manage their situation, they are feeling increasingly stressed out and overwhelmed, fearing the consequences on their health and personal relationships.
• They are seeking advice from the ADHD community that goes beyond typical sleep hygiene tips.

I'm 27, diagnosed this year, on meds for ADHD for around 6 months. All was going well, and was stable on my current dose for 3+ months before this became an issue.

I take 20mg dexamphetamine at 7AM when I wake, then take 70mg of lisdexamfetamine dimesylate at the same time or a bit later. I've tried halving the 70mg for a week or so, but no change. (on sleep)

Over the last 3 months, my sleep pattern has completely gone to shit. I've always been a night owl, and naturally gravitate to a 3AM-9AM sleep pattern when I don't have to be up. But I've worked a full time job for years, which means me waking up at 7AM. So I will usually go to bed at 1-ish, sometimes later. This has always worked quite well.

However, recently I've found it hard to get any sleep before 3AM. Usually, one I'm actually in bed, I've always fallen asleep quickly. My job is fairly physical, so I'm usually at least physically tired. But even when I'm going to bed at like 1AM, I'm literally just lying there unable to sleep. It feels unnatural, like trying to sleep at noon. I have energy, thoughts, and a nice sense of calm and quiet. It's gotten to a point where I haven't had more than 4 hours of sleep in the last couple of months more than a handful of times, and in the last two weeks, on two occasions I've simply opted to stay awake, because it's 0430, it's basically daylight (I bloody hate Summer), the birds have been at it for hours.

Maybe the worst thing is that I can generally get by okay. Morning is hell, always has been, but after about an hour I'm feeling the same as almost any day. I've been struggling to wake up, and have gotten progressively later at work over the last 12 months, where I'm now showing up 30-60mins late as standard. Nobody really cares, I have always worked lots of overtime, so I don't take lunch and work an hour or so later until my work is done. But my work is both important to me, and important to my colleagues. As much as walking away from it for a while may be a good idea, I'd be leaving everyone in the shit. It's a small business, if they had enough redundancy for nobody to be essential, none of us would have jobs!

When I get less than 5 hours, I notice it, but I don't think anyone else does. I feel slow, disorganised and very typically 'ADHD'. But I'm very functional. I'll do a full day, do overtime, come home, work on some other things, get caught up on the bare minimum, look at the clock, and see that its 1AM, and I haven't even done any 'relaxing' stuff for me yet, so that is, of course, the right time to playa few rounds of intense competitive games....

Even 420 doesn't seem to be able to calm me down enough to help.

I'm writing this after getting less than an hour's sleep again.

I've come up with some ideas on how to proceed, I'm just worried that it's the same kind of approach I always take that rarely works, basically schedule everything, ignoring the fact that the schedule will feel miserable, unnatural and that I can ignore it. I've tried to make this a bit more human. Current planned changes:

• Must finish work by 6PM, unless we are truly in crisis mode
• I will not eat anything after 11:30PM
• At 12PM I will have a shower, which I hope will prepare me for bed
• No computer after 12 (sorry me)
• Reducing morning lisdexamfetamine to 35mg. I don't think it's the medication, but it can't help!

The hardest bit for me is going to be stopping at 12. I have lots to fit in, and not a lot of time, plus I feel really awake and productive at 12. So just walking away from whatever I'm in the middle of is going to be hardest, when I know I could just not. I may shift all of this forward an hour for the first week, otherwise it may simply be too much at once. I'm hoping that, by resting better, I won't have things I still need to do by 12.

But mostly, I just feel like shit. I hate being late every day, I hate days like today where I don't even know what to do, should I go in to work? How to I make sure everything will be okay without me on such short notice? I know this is awful for my health, I feel very 'thin', and my heartbeat is so much more noticeable when I'm on no/little sleep. My BP was fine when I checked after a month of this. To be honest, I almost don't want to check again, because it will be high, and I don't know what I'd do with that, I already know I need to fix this.

Everything just feels like a chore at the moment, every nice plan with my gf is just stressing me out more, because all I see is even less time, more shit building up, and I don't even know how to prepare for a holiday when I'm living like this.

I've never really engaged with the ADHD community, even after my diagnosis, which is pretty dumb. I'm sorry to just dump all this at you, but I really need advice from people who realise that just repeating the same cliches about 'sleep hygiene' may not actually be helpful in this case.

I've been having good results and just wanted to share how my changed treatment plan has already been having a big impact on me.

Two weeks ago my doctor reduced my Adderall xr dose and started me on Strattera (Atomoxetine) at the same time.

While on just Adderall my hyper-fixation was getting way worse to the point it was affecting people around me, and I was skipping eating and even sleeping to do whatever I was hyper-fixating on.

Once Strattera was added on after about a week my hyper-fixations have been drastically reduced, but more than that I've been having a lot of hard to describe positive effects, like its easier to think. I have an easier time stopping before I say something and thinking about the consequences or if my emotions are appropriate, and the best part are that the effects last all day and night and into the next day.

Strattera does nothing for my crippling lack of motivation to do things, but with both Adderall and Strattera I've been getting significant relief from symptoms that Adderall didn't solve alone.

Adderall makes me want to do things, but as my dose went up, I felt more emotionally 'muted', but also anxious at the same time, and each dosage increase of Adderall made my hyper-fixation worse and worse, and my interest in things I used to like went down, I started isolating myself socially.

Strattera has started to make me feel calm, collected, and in control of myself in a way that I've never felt in my entire life.

My girlfriend says I'm more present and attentive than ever before. My house is so clean now - I'm getting projects done at a rate no one that knows me would believe if I told them, and its so much easier to think that it makes me want to cry. I used to have so much trouble using the voice in my head, or verbally describing my feelings to people. I used to struggle so much to follow people in conversations before without repeating the words they were saying to me out-loud. Now its like I can hold information in my head now and move it around and act on it.

At my dosage I'm not getting anywhere near full relief from my symptoms, but with both medications I'm getting relief from the full range of symptoms I have by a noticeable amount, and it has me so excited for further dosage increases. I'm very encouraged by the knowledge that Strattera usually increases in effectiveness over longer periods of time.

I also want to add that before this, when I started Adderall treatment in February, I've been making a Herculean effort to build organization tools and strategies for myself, like a whiteboard with a weekly schedule on it and a ton of other useful information I need to go about my day and whatever project I'm working on, but Strattera has made it so much easier to follow now.

Touch everything

Explanation based on my own experience:

I can't find something. It's literally right in front of me, but there is a mix of things and I JUST DON'T SEE IT. Grr.

I start on one side and start touch everything one at a time until it somehow magically appears. It was there the whole time.

If I sense that this type of thing is happening and I'm looking only visually, it's not there. It's just not there.

Touch works better than eyes.

Hi all, my name is G, a soon-to-be 20-year-old who's been battling the chaos in my mind since, well, as long as I can remember myself really, but it really all starts at 16 - the wonderful yet horrific time where you become more conscious and aware than ever. I've managed to thread together the fragments of my journey, considering I repress those memories, of the last four years of my life, living with an unaddressed ADHD and thought it might resonate with some of you here, and maybe help those who are going through a tough time to feel less alone. More so just to get -someone- to listen to my story.

It was around my 16th birthday, the time when the world feels so vast yet so constrained and confusing, that I stumbled upon random ADHD memes and symptoms online. I’ve always known of ADHD as being some widely “popular” disorder, but never knew what it actually was. The more I scrolled, though, the more I saw my daily struggles encapsulated in those posts. It was horrifying and captivating at the same time. The self-recognition moment shook me, and rocket-launched me into figuring it out. Could it be? An explanation? Am I not just lazy? I don’t feel lazy! I try my hardest, but it’s not enough! Why!? After immersing myself in information about ADHD for hours, turned into days, which turned into months, at last, I summoned the courage to approach my mom, who was so supportive and caring, it’s like she knew. Surprise, she did. To my shock, she revealed that I was diagnosed with hyperkinetic syndrome (another name for ADHD) as a child. This is it! I’m on the right track! I’m not insane! Living in a country that's currently aptly called one of the worst places on earth (to put it lightly), and rightfully hated by everyone with a brain, we recognized the mountainous journey through the nonexistent mental healthcare system that we were about to undertake to get the help I needed. All the while hindered by a condition that turned every task, from even the most basic one like brushing teeth, to choosing what the hell to do with my life, into equally herculean and seemingly impossible efforts, I was sinking under the weight of this discovery. It was horrifying, yet, I was naive and hopeful, reading on stories of people from better places on earth who can get that help. It’s possible, I thought. Surely, if I try, I thought. Summing up my courage, we plunged into the battle. Over a year long treacherous journey had me in front of something like 12-13 physicians. Neurologists, psychiatrists, psychologists, physicians, threading through a health system that’s as incompetent as it is free. My school psychologist - the first little stepping stone was my ray of hope, pointing me towards avenues of professional help, unable to do more due to her position’s limitations. But then it rolled into a giant shitball, like a snowball from Mt. Everest. Every doctor visit felt like walking a plank - I’ve never done anything like this. Revealing that I've researched my symptoms online, and suggesting that I was struggling with ADHD, would often trigger a dismissive and downright awful response from doctors. The atrocious claim that because I've sought help at all meant I didn't have ADHD was a prevalent sentiment. And the nonchalant remark from a senior physician that belittled my struggle comparing it to not battling a fever was a blow for me. But I carried on. More than once, my symptoms were either ignored or misinterpreted. I remember walking into a session hoping for help with concentration issues and ended up with a bipolar diagnosis stacked on me within the hour, since apparently “my mood changes because I fail to do tasks” is enough for that. I do not have bipolar disorder. The subsequent medication for it left me very sedated, docile, and heavily disrupted my sleep and energy levels - side effects that linger still to this very day. Catching COVID certainly didn’t help.

The ultimate breach of trust in the entire healthcare system, though, came from an approximately 50-60 years old doctor. Whom I personally looked up, recruited, asked for help, and he was initially open. His royal shartiness, instead of empathizing with me, or addressing literally anything I’ve said to him during the session, turned it into an unsolicited rant about the old ways of brute force "nurturing" of the Soviet Union army. Truly a despicable act. Telling me I simply don’t know how to live, that the fact i have any ambitions or do anything for them is an indicator I don’t have ADHD, saying I’m completely healthy, not addressing a single one point of my concerns. A boiling point that led to a harsh exit with me telling him to burn in hell and an anxiety attack in a bright summer day - the scariest, yet somehow comically ironic moment of my life. I remember feeling bad in the midst of the storm that I left my mom with that piece of shit. He told her after I stormed out that it’s simply “hormonal” and it will pass. Spoiler alert: it did not. Later even the hospital administrator / head doctor who was present called and apologized, saying we should try another opinion. But I was done.

To this day from this interaction I fear doctors like fire, and that will probably remain for the rest of my life. I left out a lot of stuff, like the months of placebo, unproven and generally unsuitable medications, how much it took a toll on my world view and general life motivation, talks of suicide in the last encounter with a doctor, being forced to come out for a “questionnaire”, et cetera. I could go on, and would love to, but I feel like no one would read something like that. I’d love to continue in the comments though, after all we all have something in common.

Unfortunately, my journey doesn't have a satisfying resolution yet. I'm now in a different country where the acceptance and accessibility to ADHD diagnosis and medication are a fair bit better, but I still can't afford the process. My struggles with ADHD have receded to the background amidst the tsunami of mundane survival requirements, studying, chores, all of which I know you all know the crushing struggle of all too well (wow, what a sentence!). The necessity of immediate tasks creates a transient motivation (and not in the good sense of the word, more like urgency), but the resulting mental toll is just so much to bear. Too much. It’s summer right now, but when I was studying, Every. Single. Week. I plummeted into depression head first due to just not being able to live a normal life. I dream about a day when I can pursue a formal diagnosis and actual help, hopefully with some surplus money which I don’t have, and maybe secure the medication I need. Maybe someday in the future I will lead a "normal" life. But for now, as I pen down my journey so far, I feel largely directionless but with a spark of hope that I won't feel this lost forever.

The road ahead is uncertain and feels impossible and inaccessible. But I still have a glimmer of hope. Sharing this with you all feels cathartic and makes me feel less alone. Hoping for better days.

P.S. no this is not the States. There, at least if you’re born filthy rich there you can get it, and the proven meds are legal. Not back home, not for me.

I made what was objectively a tasty dinner and I managed about 2 bites before I just couldn't eat anything else. Guess I'll go back to a later than normal dinner time.

Vyvanse, since I know somebody will ask. Wonderful for focus, but hell on an appetite.

For those of you who weren't diagnosed until adulthood (I'm in my late 40s), what was the diagnosis process like? Are you just given a written test, or does someone evaluate you more thoroughly? Do they try to understand your symptoms, or is it more of a checklist? If anyone has personal stories they'd be willing to share, I'd love to hear them. I'm also just curious about what to expect during the appointment. Who do I make it with? A psychiatrist?

I also wonder if there are other related conditions or learning disabilities that I might have, such as dyslexia. Do I need to be proactive in asking for multiple diagnoses? Or will they be able to evaluate me for anything/everything?

My 14 year old brother is really aggressive at times but it is visible that all of his aggression come from how hyperactive he is, and impulsive. He always wants things done immediately, and his aggression has been seriously problematic for all of us. He can't sit still for once and has to be stimulated, he likes it through sports, but neither me, my Dad/Mom or the friends he plays with can be available for his fun 24/7

His therapist told how it is CD and how it may have been childhood ADHD which went unmanaged, but from the lens of a therapist at the clinic, she can't diagnose it with ADHD.

He has calmed down since the last few days, but the aggression was enough to get admitted. He is on anxiolytes and antipsychotics, and I just want to know what steps we can take or resources that will make it better for him to manage his hyperactivity and impulsivity?

Adderall 2 days in a row now makes me paranoid, and I've never really been able to get a doc to prescribe vyvance or anything else, and frankly at this point, I'm afraid to do stimulants. Strattera made me feel weird.

Has meditation helped? cutting sugar, more exercise? keto? nofap? I'm really battling trying to focus on one task, then realizing I want to do 100 other tasks, so I start the research into all of them, thinking I'll do them all, one at a time, and 1000 browser tabs later (not an exaggeration 32gigs of ram can manage that), I realize I'll get none done.