Just Post

Drawing of a hamster brewing coffee captioned "Rest here weary doom-scroller, you've seen enough bullshit for one day."

One of the best swordfights ever put to screen

I don't know where else to post this. Definitely not casual conversation. Off my chest seems more like a place for when you've got something to say to everyone else. And I'm not really necessarily looking for advice. Pretty personal and about mental health and shit though. So if there's somewhere better, let me know. I just need to dump this shit somewhere.

Just went without weed for around two weeks. One of the longest stretches I've gone without for most of my adult life so far. And this particular time, it has especially made me realise and come to terms with the fact that whenever I've called it "medicine", I've only been half joking.

Because I unravel more and more, then facepalm when I've finally had my medicine and start thinking about how I've been feeling and acting out. When I've gone without for just a couple of days in the past, I've called it an addiction but this time the insomnia and lack of appetite ended in a couple of days but my everything else got worse and worse.

I become completely dysfunctional in the real world, and a feeling that I think I've realised is a constant anxiety. Or bottled rage sometimes. And an inability to even sit for long enough to watch something or play a game. That's when I start learning into the endless scroll of the virtual world hard.

And there I start looking for outlets for all of my rage. Not picking my battles but standing on my hill(s) and calling all challengers. I fight for things that I believe in and not just aimlessly but at the same time, I feel aware that I'm also doing it selfishly, so that I've got something to do with all of the continuous anxiety and unease and general feeling like shit.

And now I'm here. I've had my medicine and now I feel like I've been unhinged (more than usual), howling under a full moon that lasted two weeks. And now I facepalm about it, not for what I've said but for how and why and when. Maybe even who.

I don't have the means to get diagnosed with anything at this present point, but I'm fairly convinced now that one reason it's taken me so long to realise that not everything is ok; is because my continuous weed use has not only been alleviating things for me on a chemical level, it also makes it easier for me to pretend that all systems are running normally or that my specs are the same as everyone I have to meet and talk to. That I don't actually feel like a stranger all the time, even if I've known you for years.

I just had a client call and get Big Mad with me because he got An Email.

"I just got some email from "you all" saying something about my delivery wasn't done, and this is bullshit because I told you all that I wasn't ready for [equipment] delivery yet so nobody was there and it's saying I have 46 hours or else you'll cancel my delivery or some shit and this is fucked up and I'm not standing for it you all keep screwing everything up and if you can't do something about this right now I want my money back and this is unacceptable and -- "

You want to know what the email in question was?

It was this:

This indefatigable moron sent someone else a message from his own personal email account, got the address wrong and received this bounceback, and failed to understand this so hard that immediately concluded that this must have something to do with "us" and his equipment delivery so he should instantly pick up the telephone and screech.

Isn't it nice to be appreciated in the capacity that idiots assume that every single little thing that goes wrong in their lives must somehow be your fault?

I also partially blame Google for putting a stupid little icon of a truck on these things, obviously completely failing to account for the fact that some large percentage of idiots A) won't actually read the words, and B) can't comprehend abstract concepts.

If you try to design something to be foolproof, they'll just go on and invent a better fool.

When I was younger, I was a bit of a contrarian. I always enjoyed taking, if not morally opposing sides, at least aesthetically opposing sides to that which was popular. Had a lot more fight in me back then, that's for damn sure. And one of the things I remember commenting on, in passing, was Charlie Chaplain's speech in The Great Dictator.

Not that I disagreed with any particular part (except maybe I might've gotten a little prickly about some of the 'cleverness' comments), but that I felt it was too overt, too on-the-nose, too unsubtle. Then - as now, for that matter - I regarded indirectness as a kind of artistic grace and elegance. Nowadays I have a bit more respect for the blunt delivery as well, even though I generally still prefer the understated approach.

Now, I'm not much of a film buff to begin with, and certainly not of that early era of film, so years passed, and I hardly gave it a second thought. But I was thinking today, just today, about how future generations will look back on us.

How will they look at our present state of politics with anything but disbelief? They'll have to tone down the stupidity, I said to myself, and even then ask themselves, "How could anyone believe this dreck? How could anyone not see?"

And yet, like me when I was younger, they might look at anyone who outright stated the exact opposite of the political positions of the morons du jour as insufficiently subtle, insufficiently clever; of course, we all know those basic principles; every child does! Who needs that to be said?

Surely what would have landed, surely what was needed was something biting, cutting, precise, something that cuts down to the bone with precision and righteous fury and academic deconstruction of these absurd views; some attack so particular and ferocious and detailed that it can't be denied! Surely, that's what people, both the disheartened-but-right-thinking and nearly-beguiled-would-be-fascists needed! That's what would raise the spirits of liberty and dampen the sickened fires of tyranny, right?

Going over Charlie Chaplain's speech in The Great Dictator now, unabashedly idealistic, unashamed in its love for principle and our common humanity, regardless of what cynicism or doubt would tell us; regardless of what experience or trauma whisper in our ears; saying something that is fundamentally virtuous in, and to, a world that seems to have entirely forgotten what it is to have basic integrity; where a good portion of one's fellow man seem to have entirely lost the plot, the most basic and implicit lessons learned as children about decency and connection...

I get it now.

I get it now.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/25243733

Dear Aldis....

Why are you like this? I show up to buy ramen noodles, and I can't find them. So I think "Did they move them? There's not an empty space on the shelf where they used to be. Either they moved them, or they no longer carry them."

So I ask a person, who's stocking shelves with a look on her face that tells me she's now 3 hours behind schedule and worried about being tied to the rack after her shift and whipped mercilessly. That mixture of anxiety and fear make me even hesitant to break her concentration. So I ask another employee who's seemingly having a staring competition with a milk carton. I can't tell if she's winning or losing. Either way I'm fairly sure she's high as balls. I ask her if they've moved the ramen noodles. The response I'm met with is "Oooooh, yeah, maybe."

........ok? Can you maybe point me in the right direction?

"Well, they're probably getting ready for valentines day. They sometimes change the packaging to be holiday themed".

At this point, I'm thinking she misheard me? Because when the fuck have you EVER seen valentines day themed ramen noodles??? I'm not talking about fancy shit. I'm talking those little tiny packs of noodles you get for like 50 cents each. The cheap shit!

So I ask "No, I'm asking about RAMEN noodles."

and she replies back like I'm stupid "Yeah, we're probably waiting on the valentines day packaging."

Now, I'm fairly sure since I asked twice, and made sure to enunciate clearly the second time, I'm fairly sure she didn't mishear me, but there's still SOME miscommunication going on. I just have no idea what.....so I don't know how to move this conversation along. My brain is really struggling to even comprehend what a valentines day ramen noodle would be. Like, is it just pink packaging with hearts? Are the pre-cooked noodles shaped like a heart instead of a square? Is it a special flavor? I'm totally lost by what we're discussing at this point.

Just then another guy walks by dragging a big cart behind him to stock shelves. And she says over to him "Hey, are we still waiting for the valentines day ramen?" and he says yes. He just agrees with her.

I'm fairly sure they're messing with me at this point. I don't know what is happening or even what to envision with valentines day ramen noodles.

WHAT THE HELL IS IT???

I just googled it, and I'm finding stuffed animals from 5 below in the shape of ramen noodles.....which, just in itself.....what?

I'm finding etsy products where they take ramen noodle imagery, and valentines day imagery, and make a pink wrapper for the noodles......again....what?

But I'm not finding official products from any ramen noodles producer that seem to be real. So. What the hell just happened???

Then I go over to where the hot chocolate packs are. I buy 1 pack every 2 weeks in the winter. The space where they'd normally be is totally empty. So I sigh, and walk away. That week our current temperatures were negative 5. I can fully understand why hot chocolate sold out that week.

Next week I go in. Temperatures are now 25 degrees. Still not warm, but not nipple hardeningly cold as it was. Still though, it's been almost 2 weeks at this point since I had hot chocolate. Still none.

Last week I go. Still a bare shelf. At this point I want to ask an employee if they've stopped carrying it, or if there's some manufacture issue. But that didn't exactly go great last time, and my sanity isn't exactly my strong suit right now. I'm not sure I could handle being told some random bullshit like Marty McFly came back from the distant future year of 2015, and took them all. This was almost a month ago, so I don't think the new tariffs, even if they would be affected, would be in place yet.

And I can't even call Aldi's before I leave my house to go get hot chocolate. I'd love to just call and ask "Hey, is it on the shelf right now? It's not? Well that saves me 45 minutes coming out there for something you don't have! Thanks!"

Instead, I just gotta roll the dice, possibly waste my day off, and don't talk to anyone. That's what obtaining hot chocolate has come to. I'm legitimately considering going to Walgreens......but then I remember that they always have the same cashier, who always wants to talk your ear off. And I'm sorry, but I don't give a shit about your kids. I don't care what award he won in 3rd grade. I don't care about his peanut allergies. I've never met your kids. I have no interest in doing so. I'm just here to buy whatever handful of items you happen to carry that are hard to find elsewhere. Which apparently no longer includes DVD-R's. I wanted to buy a small bundle of maybe 10. I understood I'd be overpaying, but fuck it. I just wanted to get home, use 1, and throw 9 in a drawer to never be used again. But no. Walgreens doesn't even carry them anymore. They'll carry a USB stick of 8gb for $30, but no DVD-R's. In fact the cashier didn't even know what I was talking about. She used the excuse "DVD what? Like the players?" "No, these are like the discs, except they're blank. You can write data to them." "No, we sell some DVD movies that nobody ever buys...." and points to a bin of movies that nobody should ever buy. Why are these here? Why do these even exist at all? Who is ever going to buy a Tim Allen movie called "Restless for the holidays"? See you've never heard of that movie, and don't know if I just made it up, but it serves the example of the level of movies they're carrying in the Walgreens $5 dvd bin. All that to say that no, these dvd's are not DVD-Rs. And she says to me "Oh.....I don't know what they are. I'm too young for that."

Was NOT angry before she said that. I was disappointed. THAT comment brought me to "NOW LISTEN HERE YA LITTLE SHIT!!!" levels of anger internally. Holy shit. I have a good poker face, so she never even knew I was mad, but oh my god.

All of this entire post just to say, that I'm cold in my apartment, and instead of using my new electric kettle I got in December, I'm sitting at my desk in a sweater! A SWEATER!!! LIKE A PLEB!!! ARE YOU HAPPY ALDI'S??? YOU DID THIS!!!!

I just have to be adequately insured first.

contemporary text

Call it a midlife crisis. Call it a justifiable reaction to what reality around me has become. Call it a complete breakdown of my mental well being. Just don't call it a comeback. There's no coming back from this.

I figure I'll just let go. Go into the light. I'm still alive, but mentally I'll be already gone.

Weeeeeeee!!! Let's fall down on the ice again, and explode into a million pieces, and eat some rock candy! That's not candy! It's my toe! That's what Joe Walsh used to say. Smoooooooke on the water......a pencil in your eye........

stares blankly at a wall

That leprechaun smells like toast.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.zip/post/30958323

So I'm walking home, and there's this little tiny bit of ice. Psssshhhhh big deal. I got this. I walk over worse ice than this every day! This is childs play! Bitch please!!! This ice ain't nothin!!!! Why you makin' my life worried about ice? Ain't nothin but a thaaaaang! Just some frozen water on the sidewalk! No big deal!

What I'm trying to express is that I was not concerned about a thin layer of ice on the sidewalk.

Well I step over it. I thought I stepped over it. I stepped on it. So I start slipping. No big deal, I'll just position my other foot on the unpacked layer of snow, to get some traction. All of this took place in all of 0.5 seconds.

Well I do that, and turns out I stepped on MORE ice. So I'm like "oh shit, there's a genuine chance I might fall here.......oh, actually, I think I'm falling. I think I might legitimately be falling. OH SHIT I AM FALLING! I should prepare an impact stratagy. Ok. So basically I want to tuck my chin forward, spread my arms and shoulders, and curl my knees. That's going to spread the point imact over a greater space while preventing my head from impact. Also, with curled knees, my legs shouldn't break upon impact as long as I roll WITH the impact. I mean, worst case scenario, you get a bruise.

Yeah, I had all of 0.5 seconds to formulate that plan. So even though my instinct kicked in, and I did what I could, I didn't have time to actually engage my plan. I just sort of slipped, and suddenly my knee hurts. Took the fall mostly on my knee. One second I'm up, and walking, the next I'm on the ground, wondering how I'm going to get up.

Now, it's 3 hours later and my thumb really hurts. I didn't even know my thumb was part of the landing. But it hurts now, and it's purple. And it's the biggest "injury" I got from the fall. Mild bruise on my knee, but my thumb is purple.

I made an owwie, and now I'm bored on the internet at 4AM. No I didn't hit my head. I'm not loopy. I'm just a weird person. I'm eating potatoes.

I haven't read these yet, but I will soon. This is in response to the United States using drones to enact ethnic cleansing. This was a breakneck search, but if anyone has a good in-depth article for countering drone warfare, please let me know.

NATO.int | Countering Drones: Looking for the Silver Bullet

NDUPress.ndu.edu | Breaking the Shield: Countering Drone Defenses

Claws.in | Drone and Counter-Drone Warfare at a Tactical Level

A good idea would be for drone hobbyists to outfit theirs with weapons. It's incredibly important, too, to target factories, and develop chemicals, EMPs, and other technologies that can disrupt drone functioning (drones are quite fragile). Hopefully China, or otherwise industralized states, developing drones en masse can send some to resistance groups.

This past Friday my best friend Kai took his life at Lahilahi. I'm not trying to dump this on any one but its been the hardest thing I've had to go through since my own suicide attempt almost 20 years ago. I made this video to share with our community and to cherish his memory, but I also consider you, lemmy, a part of my community. So I'm sharing this with you because you are all part of my ohana. But if you have someone in your life that you are worried about please cherish them. Its so easy to get wrapped up in our own struggles and miss those who are falling behind around us.

I'm posting it here because there is no place I could find more appropriate.