this post was submitted on 15 Dec 2023
407 points (99.0% liked)

The Onion

4438 readers
2463 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 21 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] OpenHammer6677 78 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Willy Wonka and Venture Capitalism

[–] gibmiser 49 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

Oompa loompa doompety doo

We have a perfect deal for you

Oompa loompa doompety dee

If you are wise you'll listen to me

What do you get when you buy a company

That is struggling to make any money?

You strip it down and sell all of its parts

And pocket all of the profits

with no remorse

You don't care about the workers' fate

You only care about the growth rate

You know that greed is good and right

You sleep so soundly every night

Oompa loompa doompety da

If you are greedy you will go far

You will live in happiness too

Like the Oompa Loompa Doompety do

Doompety do

[–] Tronn4 9 points 10 months ago

This guy Oompas

[–] AngryCommieKender 2 points 10 months ago

Wrong set! You're supposed to be on the set of Pretty Woman!

[–] [email protected] 52 points 10 months ago (2 children)

It's not a true Wonka movie until they start killing off kids. It's a low bar, haven't seen this version, hoping they clear it in glorious Wonka fashion.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

Depends on what you believe about Snowpiercer https://youtu.be/jEX52h1TvuA?si=_fq8mzV8saPiFElz

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

Funding education: Willy Wonka no

Child murder: Willy Wonka yes

[–] thesprongler 19 points 10 months ago (1 children)

But this one explains how he hoodwinks a culture into indentured servitude (I assume)!

[–] EatYouWell 9 points 10 months ago

Drugs, probably. Or just took a page from the Christianity playbook.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I loved the first one so much, then they made a remake to expand on Mysterous Bombadil Candy past... Man I don't need to know Tom Bombadil's backstory, I don't want to know about wonka's powercreep. NOW THEY ARE MAKING A THIRD REMAKE, AND A SEQUIL BOOK HAS EXISTED THIS WHOLE TIME. This and Trolls just cashing in on that nostalgia is all they know how to do with kids. Turning Red got bawked at but I keep seeing nothing but hype for this crap.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

It’s because society shits on anything made for or loved by Teen girls. It’s pretty fucked up honestly.

[–] UristMcHolland 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Just watched this movie today and loved it. Don't understand the hate in the comments. Oompa Lumpa song and dance, check. Crazy chocolates that make people float and shit, check. Willy Wonka doing weird shit and near-magical feats, check. It's a great movie.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Did anyone here even watch the Movie?

[–] Monkeyhog 3 points 10 months ago

Why on earth would anyone do that?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

I did and I enjoyed it well enough for what it is.

That said, it is not a Willy Wonka movie. It’s something new with the same name.

[–] [email protected] -3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I saw the trailer and it was absolute dogshit.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

So you didn't see it. Thanks. Proves my point

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Happy to help. Not sure what point we're proving? That even the trailer is unwatchable?

[–] [email protected] -3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That y'all are as shallow and dumb as the kids that hated justin bieber back in the day.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

That doesn't not follow from the previous statements.