this post was submitted on 09 Dec 2023
656 points (97.3% liked)

internet funeral

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[–] MuhammadJesusGaySex 120 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

This reminds me of that old story. One, I have tried to live by.

There was an old man with a huge watermelon patch. Every day a group of kids would come over and steal a single watermelon. The old man was furious about the kids stealing his watermelons and devised a plan. He went out and posted a sign in his patch that said “One of these watermelons is poison. KEEP OUT!”

So, a day goes by, and no stolen watermelon. A week goes by no missing watermelons. The old man is just so pleased with himself and his success. But, then he wakes up after about a week and a half and goes to pick some watermelons, and notices that someone has put a smaller sign next to his. He walks over and the smaller sign simply says “Now there’s two”.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago

Great joke and great username

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I remember my freshman year of summer marching band practice, we were rained out and so we all gathered in the band room to practice music, and for some reason the band director decided to tell this joke, but the rain kept getting louder and louder.

[–] thedaylights 5 points 1 year ago

That's a powerful image. As though it had been a dream.

[–] [email protected] 72 points 1 year ago (4 children)
[–] SirSamuel 38 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

And the worse my eyes get, the more fun reading becomes!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Just gonna squeeze that r in.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Yeah, even with the pixellation I can see there's an or.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

oh that's what they meant!

[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Rat Piss Man - Origins, coming this summer.

[–] WaxedWookie 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

But we already know Fred Trump was a shitty father that left Donald a pile of money and a desperate need for validation...

[–] kamenlady 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What we don't know, is the involvement of Erol Musk, a much more shitty father, in this and how it led to Donald being named Donald in the first place...

[–] WaxedWookie 4 points 1 year ago

I suppose with Trump's that natural, effortless shitbaggery that just seems like breathing for him, I shouldn't be at all surprised he comes from a long line of shitbags.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Can't believe they're making an Elon Muskrat movie

[–] peetabix 36 points 1 year ago

Watch yo defamity.

[–] Aielman15 35 points 1 year ago (2 children)

So, what biology project was it? What were they trying to prove?

[–] [email protected] 88 points 1 year ago (2 children)

They were trying to prove that injecting rat urine into a watermelon will prevent it from being stolen. They probably need to rework their hypothesis.

[–] gibmiser 29 points 1 year ago

No that's the perfect null hypothesis. They knew it would still be stolen, and this experiment proves it.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

This comment is a golden shower of joy

[–] themeatbridge 32 points 1 year ago

How much rat urine you can inject into a watermelon before people notice.

[–] FlyingSquid 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm sorry, is that supposed to convince me not to eat the watermelon?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I'm convinced that this is the Shredder origin story.

[–] southernbrewer 11 points 1 year ago

I read this in Cave Johnson's voice.

[–] finkrat 7 points 1 year ago

Probably facilities cleaning up the food lol, bet it's in the trash