Tell him “No, if you want something from me come to me, I am not a puppy”. That should be enough. See how he reacts, either like a bratty kid or like an adult.
this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2023
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That's literally the same thing. He isn't a dog either. Both people should be going to the other. Plus if one person is in the middle of something that can't be paused, the other person should do the moving.
If it is always an order, then there is an issue.
In the case that you give as an example or an emergency, sure I agree. But that’s rare. To demand someone getting up and coming to you because you want something undefined is really rude, that’s not normal. I don’t think it’s the same thing at all to tell them what I suggested.
No... No it really isn't. It's not rude to expect others to participate in things. If I am cooking and my wife is not doing anything, it's not rude of me to ask her to come to me to talk to me... It would be rude of her to make me stop and go to her to ask her a question if she isn't busy... That's not an emergency situation. If she is busy then the situation is different.
I also think people don't realize that "in a minute* or"I'm busy" is an acceptable answer to"can you come here" questions.
Again... Perpetually demanding your partner to come to you is problematic.
But it isn't inherently wrong to ask your partner to do things.
As others have noted, this is a command, an imperative in grammatical terms. It's offensive. The last thing I want to hear after a shit day at work is someone telling me what to do.
Maybe talk to him about this maybe get him to phrase it differently. "I found something I think you'ld like," or something like that.
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There seems to be two kinds of people giving advice here. The ones that try to analyze the situation rationally and give both of you the benefit of the doubt and the ones that have actual experience dealing with a person like this. I've been dealing with the exact same thing as you for over two decades. If you can't live with this issue don't bother trying to fix it. If that person ignores your request for comfort repeatedly it is definetly a mental health issue.
- It could be trauma or fear of rejection. Maybe they are afraid that if they give you the choice to come to them instead of commanding it, you could reject them and they are afraid of that feeling. Thats the best case scenario, because this can be worked on.
- They could also be just plain stupid. Forgetting that you asked them not to do that, or not knowing how to fully communicate their intent. This sucks, because it's really not their fault.
- It could be a form to get pleasure from control. As long as they keep calling you and you keep coming they will get the happy chemicals in their brain. This sucks too, but if you stop complying they will likely find something else to give them the same feeling.
- Worst case, they are a narcissist, who don't value your time or opinion but will pretend they do just enough to not inconvenience them. *This sucks the most, because they will never change - their brain is hardwired that way. They can only be learned to be dealth with, ignored or avoided.*
I'm not an expert in psychology, just somebody who had to deal with this issue long enough to know how it slowly wears you down and poisons your relationship.
It’s a manipulation of sorts; you’ve followed the first command so now there’s an expectation to follow the next when you get there.
If you want to mess with these people (or stop it), agree to go there and then say no and walk off on the next command.
Tell me you're fat without telling me you're fat
What the fuck is wrong with you ?
Damn, that suck, it must be miserable /s. I really feel for you having someone who wants to share their life, their experiences, and who wants to interact with you. Can you imagine having shared experiences with a loved one? Shared highs and lows, likes and dislikes? Discussions about anything and nothing? You could be like me sitting alone in a big house, browsing ~~Reddit~~ Lemmy. (Trying to keep my snark from turning too dark, but I do miss being with someone who wanted to share their life with me)
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