this post was submitted on 28 Dec 2024
24 points (92.9% liked)

Learn about America, straight from Americans.

162 readers
5 users here now

Welcome to AskAnAmerican! Do you have questions for Americans, about American culture or anything at all related to the United States and its people? We’re here to help!

#Questions guidelines:

  1. All submissions must be in question form. This includes a question mark (?) at the end.
  2. The text box is to be used to add clarification or context to your question only. Keep this short, 500 characters (including links and markup) or less. There is some wiggle room but shorter is better. Do not answer your own question in the text box.
  3. Do not use slurs or bigoted language of any kind in a submission.
  4. Please check against often asked questions prior to submitting yours;
  5. Questions must be asked in good faith.
  6. Do not beg the question. The moderation team will ask you to reword your question and resubmit.
  7. Do not submit AMA questions without permission from the moderators. Surveys are limited to megathreads.
  8. The following question types are not allowed:

#Comments guidelines:

  1. Treat the poster of a submission or comment you are replying to with respect and civility.
  2. Do not use slurs or bigoted language of any kind.
  3. Do not attack other users based on their location or flair.
  4. Answers and comment replies should be serious and useful.
  5. Top level comments must be on topic.
  6. Single word responses are not allowed.
  7. Do not comment on a thread if you came here from a comment linked in any other subreddit.
  8. Do not comment with the intent to push an agenda, soapbox, sealion, or argue in bad faith.

Moderators reserve the right to request that submitters rephrase and resubmit a question.

If you feel your post should not have been removed, please message the mods. We will either clarify why the post was removed or restore it.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

i met my boyfriend 7 months ago online and he's american and well i really love him, i'm from another country and while i do want to marry him someday i know i have to see him irl first for a few years, so, if i ever marry him (an american) in my country, what happens?? i know i do not get a green card instantly but, like, our marriage gets registered in my country, does it get registered in the u.s too?? i am just curious, thanks!!

top 16 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Stimpy 34 points 1 week ago (4 children)

The rules are probably different now, but this is my story from 24 years ago.

I decided that I wanted to live with my American girlfriend in the US. Being from the UK, I could already get a 90 day visa by default, but I wanted to make it official and legal, so I applied for a 6 month extended visa.

I could have lied, visited on a temp visa and just stayed longer than 90 days (in fact I found out later that a former schoolmate of mine did that very thing, and it seemed to allow him to game the system and make it work, although the relationship didn't last). I didn't want to do it illegally because I just knew that somehow I'd get caught and it'd put me in a worse position.

Part of that process was to prove to the American government that I could support myself for those 6 months and therefore not need to work illegally. I tried and failed, my extended visa was denied.

Due to a fun quirk in the system, getting denied a visa meant I was no longer eligible for the 90 day visa and it essentially barred me from entering the US ever again based on my current lack of abilities to support myself without becoming an "illegal".

At the time I wasn't sure I wanted to get married, we'd been dating for about 8 months. So instead my girlfriend came to live with me in the UK. Which was easy enough, she got the same reciprocal visa for 90 days, which gave us time to decide if marriage was the answer.

We could have just stayed in the UK, but the cost of living was much higher and my girlfriend was missing her friends and family.

To me marriage was a lifetime commitment, I wasn't about to fake it and hope that I could convince the INS that it was true love and not some attempt to game the US immigration system.

Eventually we found that our love was for real and we investigated the best next step, since I couldn't legally enter the country without proving I could support myself; we decided to apply for a K-1 fiance visa.

Once you meet the criteria you are required to marry within 6 months of entering the country and then you can be given a work permit and start the green card application process.

The K-1 application process was long and annoying. Lots of documentation needed to be provided and one lasting memory I have was one of the last steps. I had to get a chest X-ray and get a blood test, the latter was to prove I wasn't HIV+.

We hired an immigration firm in the US to help guide us through the process. It wasn't free, but it wasn't financially prohibitive.

Once approved, which was never a sure thing, I traveled to the US. Got married within a few months and a few months later got my work permit. The green card application process was long and annoying too. It took several years to get it approved.

Apparently once you get a green card you didn't technically need to renew it, even though it has an expiration date.

But once the expiration date loomed, I didn't want to risk it. Our marriage was working and we have 3 kids, so we considered renewing it anyway in case they changed the rules.

Instead though, after about 18 or so years, I just decided to become a citizen instead. It would avoid worrying about a green card and ought to assure me that there would never be a reason why I would be forced away from my family due to some bureaucratic quirk.

Becoming a citizen, compared to the K-1 visa and green card, was embarrassingly simple. While some Americans might fail the questions, the citizenship test seemed like it was geared to trap someone who had no knowledge about the US. In fact they give applicants a pamphlet that lists all the answers and you just have to remember them. They ask 10 questions, if you get 8 (or was it 6) right, you pass. I got the first bunch right and they didn't ask all 10.

I remember that one of the questions was "who is the speaker of the house?". The pamphlet had the answer but I already knew it was John Boener because of all the jokes on the Daily Show. So if you want to pass the citizenship test, might want to bone up on comedy news.

There were some warnings when I became a citizen, at the time I was not allowed to join an anti-democratic group like the communist party, and I could lose my citizenship if I refused to come before Congress if subpoenaed. Those rules seemed to only apply to the first 5 years after becoming a citizen.

One worry I have today, despite being a European descended white male, is the current animosity in the incoming US government in 2025. Despite following all the rules, I worry that there's still a chance that I could lose my citizenship because of something as banal as having a Harris/Walz sign in my yard.

So, since the rest of the world isn't as paranoid about immigrants as the US is (although the UK is plenty paranoid enough), my wife and I decided to also get UK passports for my US born children; just in the office chance that the government sworn to uphold and protect the constitution (and by proxy, the people of the USA), decided not to and put my family at risk of separation.

tl;dr. The rules are probably different in some ways now. Maybe you can get away with just coming to the country, getting married and hope it works for you. I wouldn't risk it.

Unfortunately, it can really depend on the country you are coming from (which can also mean the color of your skin).

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Yeah, speaking as a native American who spent several years of childhood in Europe (so I think I generally have a much more expansive world view than the average American), I wouldn't even think of trying to enter this country for at least the next decade. This country is well down the path towards self-destruction, and those who've been manipulated into believing it's the right thing to do have dug themselves in too deep to ever dare admit they might have been wrong and allowed themselves to be lead around by the nose this whole time. I don't know what it's going to finally take, nor how long until it happens, but those people have fucked this country ROYALLY.

We're obviously about to start being a living demonstration of "things can always be worse," and/or "it's gonna get a LOT worse before it gets better" once that living embarrassment to American history gets back into the White House. Unless you're Caucasian (or can pass for one, including your name), and/or wealthy AF (or bring something to the table that the wealthy can exploit while using you), I would stay the fuck away from what is about to become Trump's personal "third world shithole."

Even if the American populace somehow magically wakes up from whatever spell the one-percenters have them under, and (even more unlikely) suddenly want to reverse course from all their mistakes, it's likely going to take at least another decade (or even two) after he's out of office/dead to rebuild what we're about to lose if Trump carries out even just half the terrible ideas he's been threatening/promising. Building things up always takes much longer than destroying them, and Trump is fully primed to embark on a revenge-fueled wave of destruction the likes of which this country hasn't seen in a LONG time.

Maybe try Australia?

[–] foiledAgain 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

As the Aussies say “fuck off. Were full” But really, check the skills shortage visa list

[–] Stimpy 2 points 1 week ago

The thing that gets me is that the US and Australia have huge open spaces that are (at the moment) rather unlivable.

I know this will never happen, but what if these barren spaces were opened up for people to build lives and communities... Wait I forgot, no one will want to fund that, even if it would pay for itself on the long run.

[–] Stimpy 1 points 1 week ago

As long as there is money in politics, democracy will be undermined by the interests of the rich

It doesn't mean that it's all bad, but it really helps if you are a white European English speaking male. But if you check all those boxes and also happen to be poor, good luck.

[–] BeMoreCareful 4 points 1 week ago

I married someone that was not from the US and immigrated about fifteen years ago. I'll say that our experience was very similar. Including the bit about the visas. The visas were the tricky part and probably exist for mail order brides more that people getting married, or at least that's what I thought. I kind of understand that part of the process being broken, but it is broken there, that isn't an exaggeration or dysphemism. The interview helps, but you have to get to the interview for it to help.

We hired a lawyer, but in retrospect I wouldn't bother. This probably depends on the country of origin and current international relations. If you can fill out paperwork and wait, that's about all a lawyer will do.

The part that always stuck with me is that we had to have paperwork proving that nobody was tired, poor, huddling, homeless, or tempest tossed. It's still not my favorite thing to think about. I was pretty young though and still suffer from some idealism.

Altogether it was fairly expensive, took a long time, but wasn't really difficult, more tedious. At certain points it's easy to be kind of lost within the system or stuck waiting for one thing to do the next and that can be frustrating when you're younger and poorer and newly married. At least in our experience neither country seemed to recognize or care about our marital status in the other country. That only really seems to come up with property or work though.

[–] bitchkat 3 points 1 week ago

When I became a US citizen in the 80's, there was no written test. The guy interviewing me asked a few basic questions like what are the three branches of the government? (executive, legislative, and judicial) Which one is the president? (I think they were expecting president, congress, supreme court for #1) and "Who is your US senators?" (I have no idea and asked him if he knew who they were for my home state -- I had been in a different state for 3 years to attend university)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Excellent post. Now I feel bad for my joke comment.

[–] Stimpy 4 points 1 week ago (2 children)

First you'll find yourself craving burgers and chicken wings

You're not wrong, I found that you must also crave taco's and random cultural imports depending on your region. There's a lot of people with central European heritage where I live, so there's some odd dishes that come up.

Some time after you'll choose a favorite football team, based solely on the color of their uniforms.

I had to inherit supporting the Green Bay Packers from my in-laws. The only other option would be the Chicago Bears based on the regional juxtaposition.

Then you'll find yourself either completely engaged with politics, or completely ignorant of the entire process, except the general election.

Or be thrust underground because you live in a small town with every third house having a political sign for the other guy. Also, gotta make sure you pick a religion, just in case.

Car culture may tempt you. Be wary of motorcycle interests. Be prepared to drive long distances during quick trips out.

The US is well known for the trope of hopping in the car to visit a neighbor a few streets away, I've done it myself living 6 streets from my in-laws.

Also, being in a small town the roar of truck exhausts and Harley Davidsons is a constant. Coming from the UK, seeing the shape of some vehicles on the street is shocking, rusting trucks held together with duct tape and prayer.

Yeah, it might have been a joke comment, but there's a lot of truth to it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Thanks, i appreciate that.
I was going to include teams based on where you are, but the whole thing was getting too long.

[–] bitchkat 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I grew up in Wisconsin and hate the Packers. No one cared about the Packers at all until they got decent after decades of abject misery and failure. They were such a joke that a player who was traded there sued because Green Bay sucks so bad to live in. Should be a good game tomorrow.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Marriage to an American can be scary, and also exciting. First you'll find yourself craving burgers and chicken wings. Especially on sundays. Some time after you'll choose a favorite football team, based solely on the color of their uniforms. Then you'll find yourself either completely engaged with politics, or completely ignorent of the entire process, except the general election. There is no in-between. Your appreciation of film and music may increase. Car culture may tempt you. Be wary of motorcycle interests. Be prepared to drive long distances during quick trips out. If you have any other questions or concerns feel free to introduce me to your sister. Good luck, I hope this helps.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

the long distance trips sure is true, my boyfriend really likes driving the car to other states and it takes a looong time, nice. thanks!!!

[–] Stimpy 1 points 1 week ago

Car culture is really something else. Everything seems to revolve around the fact you can just drive somewhere.

Unfortunately the victim is public transport. In small towns it is just a service provided like it's an after thought for the poor. Back in the UK I would take the bus and train everywhere and you'd rub shoulders with all types. In the US, there's something off about taking the bus.

[–] mojofrododojo 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

you might end up trapped here with the madness.

<welcometothepartypal.png>

[–] Stimpy 1 points 1 week ago

The United States of America. Where the inmates run the asylum, but still have to pay for healthcare.