this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 182 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

"ma'am, the penis's owner, you, literally told me to put a condom on it. Not sure how much more consent I could have."

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago

Some bitch told me to put the condom I thought she got the consent

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago

Doubtful that a rubber dong is capable of communicating consent, and you can't grant consent on behalf of another. Anon might indeed be a rapist, but girl is a sex trafficker.

[–] [email protected] 147 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Why is everyone getting angry at this woman who most likely doesn't even exist

[–] Agent641 83 points 2 weeks ago

It's fun and risk free

[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 weeks ago

People love hating people. Simple as

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Turns out, engaging with the hypothetical creates more interesting discussion than saying "fake" and nothing else.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

True, but in this case it feels like beating up a woke strawman

[–] Yokozuna 12 points 2 weeks ago

It happens to every greentext post on lemmy, gotta bring em back down to reality and let them know it's fake and gay.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

Greentexts are improv comedy and everyone is polite enough to play along instead of trying to argue what is clearly a made-up story for laughs

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

The entire premise of the green-text is that it's an autistic work of fiction. Pointing that out is redundant.

[–] EldenLord 120 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Fake: anon speaks to a woman

Gay: anon investigates model penises

[–] Yokozuna 27 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Case closed, we can wrap this one up boys.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago

Only after asking for consent

[–] [email protected] 120 points 2 weeks ago (12 children)

Being asked to do a task by the person responsible for administering the task automatically obviates you from being classified as a rapist.

[–] Agent641 42 points 2 weeks ago

"We were only following orders."

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[–] [email protected] 112 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

"Did you ask them for their consent before putting them here on display, naked?"

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

"If you have an issue with being out on display, say no"

"....."

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[–] [email protected] 77 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Shoulda put the condom on your own penis. 🤦‍♂️

[–] arin 32 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Still missing consent agreement

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

This is difficult for people with schizophrenia

[–] [email protected] 49 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Reminds me of that bit on The Office about safe sex. Darryl says something like "Oh, I didn't know we were doing trick questions. What's the safest way to go skiing? Not go skiing."

[–] Agent641 22 points 2 weeks ago

Ask the ski boots for consent before shoving your foot in them.

[–] r_deckard 31 points 2 weeks ago

Penis model can't consent.

Girl is de-facto guardian.

Girl implies consent by inviting anon to try it.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

If someone sprung that trap on me, I'd say "no, it's a toy. A toy doesn't have any consent right or consciousness.... just like a woman" and than I'd just walk away. If you want to be cunts, ww can be cunts

[–] AlpacaChariot 23 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

That's a pretty toxic joke dude

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It's not a joke, it's an expression of my disgust for the entrapment.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Normal people have the intelligence required to express disgust without insulting all women.

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[–] SnowmenMelt 7 points 2 weeks ago

Still funny

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago

Was it because OP deftly applied the condom by mouth?

[–] psycho_driver 25 points 2 weeks ago

"I hereby give you my consent to put a condom on my penis, random penile scientist girl."

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Either this only happened to the FOAF of someone interviewed on FoxNews, or if it did, it was a false-flag operation organised by Turning Point or some similar group to radicalise young men against feminism and consent culture, as anyone who gave it a moment’s thought would see that that would be its outcome.

[–] Waldowal 11 points 2 weeks ago

Or, girl was flirting and op missed his big chance!:

girl: You didn't ask for consent.

op: [hands penis statue back] Can you show me?

girl: [asks penis for consent. Mimics penis responding 'yes' in Muppet voice. Proceeds to slowly and erotically apply condom while maintaining eye contact with op.]

op: I'm not getting it. Do you offer private tutoring?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago

Oh, they’re real penises of actual models, not model penises.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)
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[–] j4k3 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

"Sorry, it was my first time with a dildo."

(stare in silence for a moment too long... go ahead... respond...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

What did you use the other times 🙄

[–] j4k3 14 points 2 weeks ago

Oh, I'm vegan...

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

After watching a lot of Game Changer, where they always ask for concent for the mannequins, I would also ask just for the bit.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

What if he didn't have a condom?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Best come back is did you ask before?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Reddit spacing

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