this post was submitted on 18 Nov 2024
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[–] [email protected] 122 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Me: We haven't evolved much in 800 thousand years. Can you please make me stop craving sugar?

Brain: Do drugs, get mad for no reason

Me: what

Brain: Here's a dream about having sex with Barney the Dinosaur

[–] [email protected] 36 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] Kyrgizion 34 points 2 months ago

Et tu, Barney?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago (1 children)

As if my brain would let me sleep. We have minor social faux pas from 15 years ago that we need to review again.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

Fight or flight response activated!

But the danger is gone, what do you want me to d-

FIGHT OR FLIGHT THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

🎼 Barney is a dinosaur for your ejaculation, and when he’s tall he’s what we call an orgasmic sensation

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Thanks brain!

Hey can you let me forget that cringey thing I did at summer camp? I'm in agony and it's been thirty years

[–] Passerby6497 2 points 2 months ago

I'm sorry, did you mean 'can I forget that important thing'?

BECAUSE YES YOU CAN!

[–] Landless2029 43 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

South park had an amazing episode about addiction where Satan broke it down as being an extension of our survival instincts. The issue is we survive too easily so some people keep chasing the high they're missing from food, hunting and shit.

Freemium Isn't Free/Script

| Satan | Then allow me to explain the darkness of the human soul! [moments later he's on Stan's bed, the fiery light gone] So you got dopamine, right? That's the chemical that gets released in your brain whenever you do something pleasurable, like eating, sex, and that's just nature, right? Like rabbits and fish and shit. They need dopamine so that they want to consume and reproduce.

| Stan | Okay.

| Satan | But because humans have progressed and now have access to all the shit they want whenever they want it, it's easy for them to overdo and have dopamine problems. You know, it's not fuckin' rocket science, this stuff.

| Stan | So there's nothing spiritually wrong with me?

| Satan | Fuck no! It's like, okay, it's like being diabetic. You know, it's like you can eat wrong and eat wrong and chemicals get released from your liver in a weird way, you know, you've been eatin' gluten and shit, and then eventually you've got a chemical imbalance from your liver. And something clicked, and now you're diabetic forever, right? So like, if you keep doing something too much, eventually there's, ummm, a dopamine fuckup, right, and you're kind of screwed up for life.

| Stan | So what does that mean? I I can get addicted to everything so I can't enjoy anything?

| Satan | Yeah, that's pretty much what it means.

[–] Stamets 18 points 2 months ago

I did that with booze for a few years. Yeah... I had to learn Russian to pummel the fuck to death. My fault for choosing vodka as the poison of choice.

[–] angrystego 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Please don't feed your black kitties junk food and alcohol.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA 3 points 2 months ago

He has a strange desire for dorito. I think there are cat unfriendly spices in there like garlic, so my void only gets his minnows.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Pero... sabés que soy bilingüe

[–] brygphilomena 6 points 2 months ago
[–] DarkCloud 5 points 2 months ago
[–] Kyrgizion 5 points 2 months ago

Ahh, if it isn't like that.